But I can control myself and manage my expectations, letting go of attachments.
The New Harbinger interview with Michael A Singer (see link above) called “What Do You Really Want” on YouTube is by far the most concise, most clear explanation I have heard on spirituality.
To be clear, I am not anti-Christian. I love God. I love people (at least I want to love people...). I know this will sound defensive... What I opposed in the last essay was the political arm of so-called "Christianity in America". It is not a diatribe against Christians who walk in love. But....after listening to Michael A. Singer and Eckhart Tolle, I realize that my visceral reaction to what I perceive as injustice is just so much noise. The disturbance is in me. Why am I so worked up over these issues? What does it benefit my soul to be angry, to hold on to these disturbances? To rail against the current administration? It just keeps me in an angry state and keeps me rehashing the same narratives...like an old person whose brain is stuck in a rut. Repeating the same stories over and over...
What does it benefit anyone? What does it benefit my own soul? Why do I engage in conflict?
As an example, I said something to a family member the other day about some social justice issue and a discussion that I would help lead about said issue. I knew it would only disturb my family member. I knew that she has a totally different world view. I knew that she would want to argue about this issue. So why did I bring it up? Why did I then engage with her in this argument? She reacted negatively and I reacted to her reaction. We were both “disturbed” in our selves and angry!
I immediately thought of Jesus warning his disciples not to throw your pearls before swine, lest they turn around viciously attack you. I took something precious to me, this idea of social justice that I struggled with for years to define, to embrace. To me this struggle to understand others and have compassion for others is precious, because I was transformed through the struggle. My transformation is precious. So why did I throw my pearls before swine? Not saying my family member is a pig. But I took something precious to me, an ideal, a spiritual metamorphosis, and I shared it with a family member who does not get it, at all, who in fact despises these same ideals. I knew that before I even brought the subject up. So why did I provoke my family? It only caused disturbance in my soul. And I know that I am responsible for provoking a disturbance in my sibling's soul.
What benefit was there to this exchange? Did I convince her that she should be more compassionate? No, she only felt the need to defend her sense of self against the threat of my ideals. Just because I was transformed doesn’t mean she has to be transformed or come to the same understanding. I was trying to convert her to my experience. Of course, she is resistant! It’s just another form of control or manipulation if I don’t let her find her own path to enlightenment.
So what can I learn from this experience? As Michael A. Singer teaches, we can recognize when we feel a disturbance (anger, hatred, FEAR, disappointment, defensiveness, etc) and stop. We can literally tell ourselves, "STOP! You don't have to engage with this disturbance. You can breathe. Relax. Step back. Let it go. Let this negative energy pass through you. Don't hang on to it. Don't try to define your life by this "belief". Don’t try to define yourself as being “right.” Let it go."
MY definition of what the world should be is not the only definition. My world view is exactly that, mine. But I don't have the right to expect and demand that everyone else share it.
Singer talks about these disturbances of psyche as being OPEN or CLOSED to the universe. When I am open to life unfolding, I am filled with wonder, curiosity, and joy. And in the midst of that, if I can step back long enough from being entangled with these arguments or negative emotions, I can sit in pure joy. Someone could be yelling at me and I could actually find joy in that moment.
When I am CLOSED, I have a specific set of demands for the universe to make my life "perfect". For example, I may think I can only be happy if... If I live somewhere else... If I have so much money...If I have a romantic relationship where someone loves me...If I have a nice house or nice cars...a great job... Or if I avoid certain things....like, I would be happy if only I didn't have to deal with so-and-so...or I would be happy if only I wasn't __________ (fill in the blank). So we spend our lives trying to fill them with things or preconceived ideas of what we think we want, or we spend our lives trying to avoid certain things or relationships...all that energy wasted trying to get or avoid.
I want to be OPEN. I want to stay in that OPEN state. I've experienced it before and was amazed at how the universe (God) provided everything I need...and so many times it was so much better than what I thought I needed or wanted.
I've been living CLOSED. I've been judgmental and felt judged. You reap what you sow. It's time to LET GO. Let go of expectations. Let go of desires. Let go of fears. Let go of how I think the world SHOULD BE. And be OPEN to what comes. Be open to this amazing, miraculous world. Be open to experiences and relationships as they unfold.
So, I'm leaving my judgmental diatribe on the "Rise of Fascism in 21st Century America" as a reminder to myself to let go of my rigid ideas and expectations of this world. Yes, I've put it out there, but I leave it to remind myself that I have so much further to go in my spiritual awakening. And that's what I think I really want: To wake up to joy. To wake up to who I really am. To be awake to life every day, every moment, in every circumstance, every relationship. To let the past go. To let go of my expectations. To embrace joy, and find freedom.
Today marks Day One of my new spiritual journey: 21 days of fasting and practicing openness. This is not my happiness experiment. This is the 21-day Openness Experiment. I hope you’ll join me.
To be clear, I am not anti-Christian. I love God. I love people (at least I want to love people...). I know this will sound defensive... What I opposed in the last essay was the political arm of so-called "Christianity in America". It is not a diatribe against Christians who walk in love. But....after listening to Michael A. Singer and Eckhart Tolle, I realize that my visceral reaction to what I perceive as injustice is just so much noise. The disturbance is in me. Why am I so worked up over these issues? What does it benefit my soul to be angry, to hold on to these disturbances? To rail against the current administration? It just keeps me in an angry state and keeps me rehashing the same narratives...like an old person whose brain is stuck in a rut. Repeating the same stories over and over...
What does it benefit anyone? What does it benefit my own soul? Why do I engage in conflict?
As an example, I said something to a family member the other day about some social justice issue and a discussion that I would help lead about said issue. I knew it would only disturb my family member. I knew that she has a totally different world view. I knew that she would want to argue about this issue. So why did I bring it up? Why did I then engage with her in this argument? She reacted negatively and I reacted to her reaction. We were both “disturbed” in our selves and angry!
I immediately thought of Jesus warning his disciples not to throw your pearls before swine, lest they turn around viciously attack you. I took something precious to me, this idea of social justice that I struggled with for years to define, to embrace. To me this struggle to understand others and have compassion for others is precious, because I was transformed through the struggle. My transformation is precious. So why did I throw my pearls before swine? Not saying my family member is a pig. But I took something precious to me, an ideal, a spiritual metamorphosis, and I shared it with a family member who does not get it, at all, who in fact despises these same ideals. I knew that before I even brought the subject up. So why did I provoke my family? It only caused disturbance in my soul. And I know that I am responsible for provoking a disturbance in my sibling's soul.
What benefit was there to this exchange? Did I convince her that she should be more compassionate? No, she only felt the need to defend her sense of self against the threat of my ideals. Just because I was transformed doesn’t mean she has to be transformed or come to the same understanding. I was trying to convert her to my experience. Of course, she is resistant! It’s just another form of control or manipulation if I don’t let her find her own path to enlightenment.
So what can I learn from this experience? As Michael A. Singer teaches, we can recognize when we feel a disturbance (anger, hatred, FEAR, disappointment, defensiveness, etc) and stop. We can literally tell ourselves, "STOP! You don't have to engage with this disturbance. You can breathe. Relax. Step back. Let it go. Let this negative energy pass through you. Don't hang on to it. Don't try to define your life by this "belief". Don’t try to define yourself as being “right.” Let it go."
MY definition of what the world should be is not the only definition. My world view is exactly that, mine. But I don't have the right to expect and demand that everyone else share it.
Singer talks about these disturbances of psyche as being OPEN or CLOSED to the universe. When I am open to life unfolding, I am filled with wonder, curiosity, and joy. And in the midst of that, if I can step back long enough from being entangled with these arguments or negative emotions, I can sit in pure joy. Someone could be yelling at me and I could actually find joy in that moment.
When I am CLOSED, I have a specific set of demands for the universe to make my life "perfect". For example, I may think I can only be happy if... If I live somewhere else... If I have so much money...If I have a romantic relationship where someone loves me...If I have a nice house or nice cars...a great job... Or if I avoid certain things....like, I would be happy if only I didn't have to deal with so-and-so...or I would be happy if only I wasn't __________ (fill in the blank). So we spend our lives trying to fill them with things or preconceived ideas of what we think we want, or we spend our lives trying to avoid certain things or relationships...all that energy wasted trying to get or avoid.
I want to be OPEN. I want to stay in that OPEN state. I've experienced it before and was amazed at how the universe (God) provided everything I need...and so many times it was so much better than what I thought I needed or wanted.
I've been living CLOSED. I've been judgmental and felt judged. You reap what you sow. It's time to LET GO. Let go of expectations. Let go of desires. Let go of fears. Let go of how I think the world SHOULD BE. And be OPEN to what comes. Be open to this amazing, miraculous world. Be open to experiences and relationships as they unfold.
So, I'm leaving my judgmental diatribe on the "Rise of Fascism in 21st Century America" as a reminder to myself to let go of my rigid ideas and expectations of this world. Yes, I've put it out there, but I leave it to remind myself that I have so much further to go in my spiritual awakening. And that's what I think I really want: To wake up to joy. To wake up to who I really am. To be awake to life every day, every moment, in every circumstance, every relationship. To let the past go. To let go of my expectations. To embrace joy, and find freedom.
Today marks Day One of my new spiritual journey: 21 days of fasting and practicing openness. This is not my happiness experiment. This is the 21-day Openness Experiment. I hope you’ll join me.
If you have ideas on how to stay OPEN to your inner self, let me know. If you have strategies which you use to relax and embrace your higher self, please feel free to share. Or if you have strategies which help you recognize when you are CLOSED, please share.
No comments:
Post a Comment