Dying to self

Jesus once asked "Who do you say that I am?"  Was he trying to boost his self-identity, his ego self?  When Peter declares "you are the son of God", Jesus says "yep!  That's it!"  He even goes on to say that heaven revealed this to Peter.  In other words, Jesus knew his true self. His eternal self.  Not the stories or lists of accomplishments or what the world tells us is who we are.  Even Peter got a brief glimpse of this eternity in the now, a glimpse of who Jesus really is. 

Jesus' friends came to him at one point to tell him that his mother and brothers had come to take him away.  Where were they taking him? To an asylum? To his father's funeral?  Who knows? But it used to seem so harsh to me that he would respond with "who is my mother?  Who are my brothers? Only those who follow me are my brothers and sisters".  I think I'm beginning to understand (and this also is a mental process, possibly an illusion).... who we are inside is not defined by relationships. Dying to that concept of self "I'm the child of so-and-so.  I'm the sibling of such-and-such"... these are just labels which we tell ourselves are who we are, but I am that I am. Even this idea comes with a warning against dualism.  Though we are not defined by our relationships, at the same time, we are.  This is paradox.  It is and it is not, both.

Later, when he says, "I have not come to bring peace, but a sword", this takes on a whole new meaning.   If the sword is dividing our thought form from our spirit self, our ideas and mental patterns of "should and must" from the real us, the inner eternal us, then yes.  I can see that mother, brother, sister... all these labels and false histories and unreal concepts of "other" and "self" will be in conflict.  It takes practice (not time, because the only time that exists is now continually unfolding) to let go of our mental constructs and social constructs.  When I let go of every idea I have of who I am: past experiences, body, fears, mental ruts, possessions, relationships, religion, belief systems, words to describe me, everything I used to define myself, I am left with inner presence now.  As I let go of all those conceptions of self, I find freedom.  And this brings the peace that passes all understanding that will guard your hearts and your minds.  

When Jesus met Pilate, Pilate asked him "Are you the king of the Jews?  Are you guilty of everything I hear your religious leaders telling me?"  Jesus responds with "That's the story you tell yourself."  He does not defend himself.  Because he has already died to this sense of self long ago.  So murderous accusations fly... so what? Jesus knows who he is.  He knows that this human body with all its thoughts and emotions and constructs, even this world, the social structures, and the physical universe are only a temporary form.  The real Christ is formless, eternal, in all and through all, without him nothing was made that was made, the entire universe is suspended and held together in his being.  

  

Jesus dying on the cross understood this, that even when terrible things happen, something greater in us arises.  Being in the power of this moment, he is able to say, "Father, forgive them.  They don't understand. Don't hold this against them" (this was probably more for the humans standing around the cross). This is the something greater, infinitely vaster than that which only appears temporarily in the moment, the form — the disaster. ...- Tolle 

John the Baptist got this, too.  He said, I must decrease and he must increase.   He knew what dying to self meant. John recognizes the real self and "dies" to the Ego self.  So even though John was also facing imminent death, he also understood this incredible peace.  If he had been still attached to his ego-self, he would have railed against the injustice being done to him.  He would have rallied his supporters and denounced Herod and his wickedness.  And when John's disciples came to him to ask about this upstart Jesus (who does he think he is anyway?), John did not try to cling to his disciples and say, "Don't follow him.  Stay with me.  Only I have insight."  No, he said, "I must decrease so that he may increase. My time is up.  I'm letting go. I'm at peace with what is."

John the Baptist knew this Deep Silence, stillness amid chaos, noise, distraction.  You can hear the silence in the midst of chaos. Psalm 46:10.  This is the peace that passes all understanding, that fills you up.  You sense it.  You know it is in you and is greater than you, greater than your body, greater than your mind.  You know it is there.  

Jesus said to seek the kingdom first, then what you need will come, too.  He also said, If someone tells you, 'Oh, Jesus is over here or over there or on this mountain.'  Don't go looking for me.  I'm not there.  When I come, you will know it."  He said the Holy Spirit would be with us, comfort us, and guide us into all truth.  He is in us.  The eternal one is here now.  You don't have to go looking for him.  He is with the broken hearted.  When you tire of your false self, he is here now. 

This is why The Lord's Prayer makes sense now. 

• Our father in heaven —- God is not in some other place .  Jesus pointed this out in John 4.  God is in you.  The kingdom of heaven is near, in you, now. 
• Hallowed be your name.  What name?  The I am that I am.  Names just point us in the right direction...
• Thy kingdom come (now). Thy will be done (now) on earth as it is in heaven.  This is a surrender to what is, not a giving up.  It’s not a "Oh I can never change this situation."  It's a, "Yes to you in me now".  I surrender in this moment.  
• Give us today, this moment, our daily bread, what we need.  This is not about the future.  The story of the Israelites wandering in the desert and getting manna on a daily basis is a perfect example of this.  No one was to hoard more for later.  It had to be gathered daily or else it began to rot. Manna was another great example of this kind of provision which cannot be named.  In fact, "manna" means "what is it?".  Now is the only time.  The past does not exist anymore.  The future never comes, except as this moment, now, continuously unfolding.
• Forgive us as we forgive others... as we let go of all judgments against ourselves and others.  We are one.  We are interconnected.  All of life flows in us.  We are not separate from “others.”  So we love, forgive others, treat others as ourselves.  What we do to others, we do to ourselves. 
• and lead us not into temptation... the temptation of seeing others as objects or the stories and opinions I have about them.  The temptation to see myself as only my thoughts or emotions, and not the real inner presence that is me.
• But deliver us right now from evil— if my negative thoughts and constructs limit me, how much more do I imprison others with my ideas about them? Help me to accept what is and not label it: good or evil.  But surrender in this moment to what is.  
• For yours is the kingdom (the infinite), and the power (of being), and the glory (the incredible vastness of light and love) forever (now infinitely unfolding).   Amen.