Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown!

Well, the holidays are nearly here. And I'm gearing up for a party with my student group and faculty from Portland State University. Theme is (officially): Hot Cocoa, Hot Tubbing, and Holiday Fun. Unofficially, it's Hot Toddies, Hot Tubbing and Holiday Fun.

Should be a good time with our Best (Worst, tackiest) holiday themed outfit, sweater or sweatshirt contest, plus karaoke contest, card games, billiards, and hot tubbing.

Plus, we're having a White Elephant Gift Exchange- perfect for all the Portlanders who LOVE to recycle. All they have to do is wrap an old, unused item from home and bring it for our Dirty Santa gift swap.

There will be a prize for the guest with the most holiday spirit, door prizes, music, and much more. I'm attaching a photo of one of the prizes, a Charlie Brown Christmas tree.

Merry Christmas, all!

Merry days ahead...

It's true. I'm gearing up for our holiday party with students and faculty at my house next week.

One of the great things about being back in grad school, and being surrounded by such mindful people, is that I often get asked:"What is your purpose? What do you want to accomplish?" or "If the rest of the world lived out your wish, what would it look like?"

I think my wish and deepest desire is to help create moments where people really connect with one another, where people experience whatever it means to be fully human. Often I try to create FUN moments. After all, it's the ability to laugh together that also allows us to be vulnerable with one another, to cry with one another or to rejoice with each other.

Case in point, my spiritual leadership class, though we often discussed meaningful subjects, I believe it was our ability to laugh with one another that created a safe space to be vulnerable as we shared our inmost thoughts and dreams.

When I host a party, be it a theme party or just Sunday brunch, I envision those one-on-one connections. I guess I'm a dreamer like John Lennon. I imagine world where we're all living together as one, where we embrace the moments, "livin' for today," because we know that tomorrow is not guaranteed. I suppose that is what mindful meditation is all about: recognizing that this moment is all I have. Now what am I going to do with it? What kinds of relationships can I develop in this moment? What kinds of relationships do I want? What kinds of seeds am I planting in others? I have THIS moment to plant a seed.

And sometimes, I have THIS moment to harvest the seeds I've already planted and cultivated.

Here's hopin' that you are living fully in this moment; that wherever you are, there you ARE! As for me, I'm off to plan next week's party, so that when the time comes, I can fully dedicate myself to getting to know each guest intimately by dreaming together with each one what is in his/her heart to do.

Here's to Martha, the do-er! I can obsess about all the details for the party so that each guest feels warmly welcome and at home. I can line up the food and the prizes and orchestrate the music and activities and decorations.

And here's to Mary, the be-er (NOT beer, though we'll have some of that, too)! I can simply BE at the party with each guest, listening to their hearts, laughing and joking, awarding prizes for the ones who are the most fully "in the moment"; for those who embrace the theme of the tackiest Christmas sweater or holiday outfit!

After all these years of hosting parties, I've found that those who put the most into the theme (costume, etc), have the most fun and get the most out of the moment! No embarrassment! We're all fools together! Ask my friend, Charlie Beal. I think he has won BEST costume at every party I've ever hosted (from Disco Stu at the 70's Disco bash to a knight in shining armor at the medieval, madrigal mascarade to a turbaned Sultan at the 1001 Arabian Nights party).

Charlie LIVES the theme: whatever you put into the moment is what you get! Here's hopin' that you put yourself, all your energies, all your attention, all of YOU into the moments. Carpe diem! Seize the day! If you do, I can guarantee ALL your days will be merry and bright!

Happy Thanksgiving everyday...

Yep, I'm still giving thanks for everything like hot chocolate, music from the 1970s (James Taylor, Chicago, Bread, Elton John, Tony Orlando, The Carpenters, Captain and Tennille, Anne Murray, John Denver), and so many songs from when I was a little kid.

I remember my older sister had a 45 rpm record player and single albums with songs like "Song Sung Blue", "Monday, Monday", "Seasons in the Sun"... Something by the Allman Brothers, the Osmonds, and Elton John. Oh, and ABC, 1-2-3 by the Jackson Five! I think the flip side was "One Bad Apple". Remember "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother (Osmonds?)"? ...and something by the Partridge Family.

Ah, good memories. I used to walk through the wheat fields singing all the angst-ridden love songs from my sister's record collection.

Oh, and remember those little transistor radios? I had a cool orange one. I loved mornings at our house. Dad always had the radio on in the mornings. I think KMOX even played some music back then. It was a mix of news-talk radio with a wake up call to the tune of "Seventy-six Trombones"or some rousing John Phillip Souza piece in the morning. I distinctly remember singing "Delta Dawn" along with the radio while locked down in the kitchen doing dishes.

So grateful for wonderful memories of my family. Sadly, we are scattered around the world.

Still thankful for the incredibly challenging courses and wonderful new colleagues to share new memories with (Yes, I know that's a dangling preposition). I'm looking forward to creating wonderful memories with friends and family this year and in the years to come.

Time Flies When You're Having Fun

It's sooo true.  I have been surprised by joy at every turn since I arrived in Oregon 8 weeks ago!

Last night, in class, the topic was gratitude.  Woo hoo!  I got to share with my class how my life has turned around since I really began to grasp what gratitude does for our attitudes.  

Now it might be easy to sum up my life's experiences in the past 6 months as gratitude + positive words =happy change in life's circumstances.  It might even seem like I'm preaching about a formula.  But the truth is, I earnestly sought God first and foremost.  I asked him to make HIS desires MY desires, so that when I asked for stuff, I was asking what HE wanted for me.

Partnering with God is not an option.  Jesus said that apart from him we could do nothing; that he is the vine, we are the branches.  So remaining tied in, connected to the source of life is KEY!

THEN add to that gratitude + positive words and hopes and dreams...and THEN eventually you'll see your circumstances turn around OR maybe you won’t.  Maybe your circumstances will still be the same, but your perspective will change!  

When I started this experiment, I also said like Job, "even if God slay me, I won't curse him."  I was committed to maintaining a faith-filled attitude which started with being grateful daily; FINDING something, anything to be grateful for on a daily basis.  And I realized that even if my circumstances DIDN'T turn around, that I would still be happier and more fulfilled because I was looking at the glass half-full or even 3/4 full! And eventually I saw my cup full and running over.  I began to be grateful for even the tiniest things; good weather, sunrises, a smile, the sound of laughter.  

I love what C.S. Lewis said, (paraphrased) I do not pray because it changes my circumstances.  I pray because it changes ME.

But the neat thing is this.  God honors his word.  So I decided to believe what Jesus said.  If Jesus said it, I began to trust that it could be my reality.  Jesus said that we would ask for anything in his name and it would be given to us.  He said that what we believe in our hearts and SPEAK with our mouths would become reality!  Some call this a "name it and claim it" philosophy.  I think it’s more self-fulfilling prophecy.  What we say about ourselves tends to come true.  You know what I mean.  What’s that old saying?  “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, either way, you’re right.”  What you think you are capable of, you are right.  If you’ve already made up your mind that you can’t, well, you can’t. 

What I sought God for first, then got ahold of with my spirit and developed a grateful attitude about, then spoke with my mouth ( I prayed for it, I wrote down what I wanted, I told others what I wanted) came true.  So many of the things I asked for and believed that I would actually get, have already come to pass.  I can't wait to see the rest of my dreams come true.  But they didn’t come to me the way I thought.  In fact, my circumstances did change.  But then, our circumstances ALWAYS change.  Nothing remains the same forever.  So you could argue that my positive thinking and my words did nothing to affect my situation, and you might be right.  What I do know is that my perspective changed, my attitudes changed.  I was a joyful person again.  

But the good news is that Jesus didn't just say, "Whatever Gigi wants and believes will be reality."  He said that anyone could ask our heavenly Father and it would be done.

Here's hoping that you dig to know Christ a little deeper and that all your dreams become realities.  

Here’s hoping that we never forget that even if our circumstances don’t change like we hoped, that even then because we practice gratitude, our hearts will be changed, our attitudes will be refreshing.  So, no this isn’t really prescriptive.  This is NOT a formula of  Gratitude + Positive Words = happy circumstances.  No, if you are looking for a formula,  it’s more like gratitude + positive words= happier me with the ability to recognize the good around me and accept changes as they come my way with grace and joy and hope.  

Looking Backwards (a work decidedly NOT by Edward Bellamy, though perhaps a bit utopian just the same)

I just re-read a few of my original posts from June when I first started this experiment in happiness.  Everything I asked for is coming true!   Every dream to which I tenaciously clung, every positive declaration, every hope for a better future is here NOW!  

I am more convinced than ever that Jesus wasn't messin' around when he told us that what we believe in our hearts and what we ask for or speak with our mouths WILL be done by our heavenly Father.

People look at my life right now and say things like, "WOW!  how did you end up living in such an amazing place?  We've lived here for years and always dreamed that we could afford a place up there on the hill." Or "how did you get a paid graduate assistantship with a tuition remission?  Those are so hard to come by right now with University budget cuts..."  Or "how are you able to give generously to others when you had NOTHING only 7 weeks ago?"

It is amazing how things have turned out.  I'm so joyful and grateful.  I feel like I'm saying "Thank you" non-stop.  First, let me say that I am deeply indebted to my family and friends who helped me out.

But if you want to know why things are finally working out for me, after years of hardship and struggle, go back and read the first month of entries in this blog.  I'm simply beginning to reap the harvest of my words and the intentions of my heart (with the grace of God).  It's no real credit to me.

I just finally decided to believe that God is not a liar.  And if he's not a liar, then there must be some truth about what he said about the attitudes of our hearts and the words of our mouths in creating realities.  But you can read all about my thoughts on the Grand Unifying Element and laws of the Universe from my blogs in June.  

All I can say is that if it worked for me, it can work for you, too.  Don't believe me?  Try it for yourself.  What kind of realities do you create with your words?  Are you living the life you want?  What kinds of things do you believe about yourself?  What kinds of words are coming out of your mouth?  I'm just now reaping the harvest of the words I spoke this past June.  It may not happen overnight, this shift in the universe, but it will bring joy to your heart if you let it.

Now before you throw me out as a heretic, go back and read the blogs from the beginning.  I'm only summing up a bit here and hoping to challenge you to think about what comes out of your mouth.  Are you verbally vomiting on everyone around you?  Or are you encouraging yourself and others?  You CAN change your mind, change your life, and change your world!

Just breathing...

Viphasana meditation or mindfulness meditation is as simple as breathing in and breathing out.  There are other types of meditation in which one tries to shift an object with one's mind.  But mindful meditation is as simple as choosing to be aware of one's own self.

So for the purposes of my own observations, today I am focusing on...well, on me!  I'm doing an exercise in stream of consciousness writing.  You've been warned!  I write every bit as tediously  as M. Honore de Balzac, though, obviously, without his charming, eccentric characters.  

As I breathe in and out slowly, I am aware that my breathing is a bit congested.  My neck and back are a bit sore.  I smell my pumpkin spice coffee and wonder why none of the coffee I've had lately tastes as good as it smells.  Oops...back to me.

Sit up straight, relax.  Breathe in.  Breathe out.  We can't survive for more than 3 minutes without air.  I feel the air filling my lungs.  Oxygen (and a teeny bit of nitrogen) is absorbed by my lungs alveoli which push this life-giving oxygen into my bloodstream.  It's amazing how God created this planet for carbon-based life forms.  Our bodies are factories which take raw materials like carbons (in the form of foods) and oxygen from the air and break it down into molecules to be absorbed by the body to produce energy.

But, I'm supposed to be calming my mind, not getting all excited over the miracle of life.  Breathe in slowly, exhale slowly. 

I push aside thoughts of everything that has happened in the past few days or things on my radar for the near future; new job, new schedule, projects and papers which are due next week, reading assignments which must be completed... 

Breathe in....I'm grateful for a new life.

Breathe out...I want to share my joy with others.

Breathe in....Be still.

Breathe out...Focus on the air leaving my lungs.

Breathe in...If I can be still long enough, maybe I can hear God whispering.

Breathe out... Maybe I can hear what my body has been trying to tell me, like 'I need protein or good shoes or a warmer sweater.'

Breathe in....I AM GRATEFUL!

Breathe out... I'm thankful for so much.

Breathe in... Shhhhhh!

Breathe out... It's time to be quiet and listen.

Breathe in... my pulse is slowing.

Breathe out...

Embrace the Paradox

"Embrace the paradox" has become my new mantra.  What does one do with inconsistencies in one's life?  My friend, Sarah, is uber-sensitive (and I mean that in a good way) to what she calls hypocrisy.  But hypocrisy is in all of us, right?  We intend, even declare, that we should live one way and find ourselves doing the very opposite of our intensions.

So, how do I embrace the paradox?  What does that mean for me?  Can I reconcile two seemingly opposed realities or ideals?  I asked this of myself as I entered the Miao Fa Chan Buddhist Temple on Sunday morning.  I was kindly directed to the "English" service where the head monk, Fa Thai, was leading a small group in silent meditation.

I quickly slipped off my shoes, tiptoed across the back of the room, found a cushion to sit on and joined the others on the floor.  Then, I just sat in silence.  I felt my pulse slow down and thanked God for another opportunity to embrace people from a different culture.  As I sat, I became aware of my body, feeling the aches and pains that sitting on the floor can bring.  I was aware that my feet were bare and cold and looked dry.  I tried to cover them with my long skirt.  I concentrated on my breathing, then opened my eyes to really take the time to look at the room I was in, remembering that one mantra in meditation is to be "fully present."

At the front of the room, in front of an altar of sorts with flowers and foods on it, sat Fa Thai in his gold and brown robes.  He sat cross legged on the floor with palms up, looking relaxed.  Behind him were enormous golden statues of Buddha and two other Chinese Gods (?).  One looked like the household god with red face and angry beard, the other looked like a woman deity wielding a sword, while in the middle was the central god with multiple arms to bring justice and mercy.  I thought of how Jesus said he came to bring a sword and yet, he is the prince of Peace.  And how he delivers justice and mercy.  

After 10 minutes or so, Fa Thai quietly began to talk about mindfulness.  He talked about breathing, being aware of one's own body.  He even mentioned the pain one feels after a few minutes if sitting still.  He spoke of suffering in this body, nirvana and dharma (or compassion) and non-violence.  He asked questions of those gathered there.  The atmosphere was gentle and welcoming.  Participants could ask questions of the monk.  It was more of a dialogue than a diatribe.

And that's when I had my first revelation or cultural insight.  In Western culture, we place "authorities" above us, yet here was a spiritual leader sitting down on the floor and talking WITH those who were gathered.  In most western churches, we place our leaders on platforms, above the people so they can talk AT the people.  Is it any wonder that so many of our leaders are able to manipulate and abuse those given to their charge????  When we place pastors on pedestals and call them "authorities" OVER us, is it any surprise that so many of them get big heads and run amuck??  Hmmm...interesting.  I wonder if Jesus always tried to stand OVER people, physically, to impress on them that HE was the great teacher?  I tend to think not.

Now as I understand paradox, we must embrace both.  One way is not better than the other.  In certain situations, the western tradition of placing a speaker or leader ABOVE the crowd is just more practical. In other situations, the eastern way of sitting on the same level as the crowd would be more practical.

After a few chants and prayers and offerings (Fa Thai explained the 'why' behind each action), Fa Thai stood and took a simple silver or tin bowl filled with water.  He dipped a small bundle of reeds in it and 'shook' a blessing over the crowd.  Now, some Christians would be offended that I allowed the monk to bless me with his Buddhist blessing, but I figure that kind wishes and good thoughts are always welcome, no matter the source.  And water has always been symbolic in the church as a cleansing.  So I celebrated the blessing.

Afterward, Fa Thai met with anyone who wanted to speak to him.  I introduced myself and asked if he would be willing to address my class.  He graciously accepted and then invited me to stay for a vegetarian lunch. 

I decided to stay and meet the others, perhaps find out their stories.  Besides, the temple was filled with Chinese, Vietnamese, and Thai people....I knew the food would be good!  Now, in the Buddhist tradition, food is offered to the ancestors first, then the monks, then the parishioners.

It's amazing how little the ancestors eat!  ha ha ha  Again, I was struck by the concept of the Christian tradition of the "communion of saints" and how this must be much closer to the original tradition in the church than our modern, total disregard of those who have gone on before us.  Are we or are we not surrounded by a "great crowd of witnesses"?  hmmm...more food for thought...so to speak...

Now the monks must eat first, because they are only allowed to eat before noon each day.  After that, they fast.  So if the monks at the temple do not eat by noon, they must wait until the next day to eat.  

I met people of all backgrounds from China, Thailand, Taiwan, and all over the US.  It was an eclectic bunch which gathered there.  Each had come for their own reasons and had decided to stay.  I was there as an observer, but if I am to get the most out of my experience, then I must embrace what my conscience will allow.  I am there to learn how I can grow as a follower of Christ.  What practices or principles will help my faith to grow?  Which ones will challenge my assumptions?  Can God speak to me in a Buddhist temple?  Absolutely!  What a joy to be among such diverse people!!!

Reading list

I'm so grateful for each new day in Oregon. Part of the joy of grad school is the reading list. I get to read all these great books and reflect on how their message affects me personally and also how it affects the sustainable world at large. I keep asking, "What role does spirituality have to play in the sustainable community?"

What role has religion/ spirituality played in the past (esp. as I focus on lessons from the sustainable communities of the Middle Ages)? How important is spirituality in our modern world which seems so focused on technology and information, yet is more disconnected than ever from the earth and the rest of creation?

So here are a few books which I am reading for my classes in Spiritual Leadership, Permaculture, and Educational Research:

You Are, Therefore I Am by Satish Kumar
The Earth Path by Starhawk
The Courage to Teach: Exploring the Inner Landscape by Parker J. Palmer
The Tao of Leadership
Permaculture: A Designer's Manual by Bill Mollison
Gaia's Garden by Toby Hemenway
Educational Research - Competencies in Analysis (basic text book on research strategies)

If you are a teacher, you'll love almost anything by Parker Palmer as he delves into the internal process of being the best teacher you can be. He explores the inner lives of teachers.

I'm also throwing in a dose of Thomas Merton with a Book of Hours based on the writings of Merton for daily meditation and chewing on the concept of relationships (types of) in C.S Lewis' The Four Loves.

The basic concept of permaculture (permanent culture + permanent agriculture) is that we are all part of the whole. Where does man fit into the ecosystems? What roles do we play? How can we be connected while maintaining the ideal of "do the least harm" to the rest of the earth? Understanding relationships is KEY! When we see ourselves in relationship to others, to the earth, to God, how does that transform our actions, our attitudes?

Well, I'm off to do some more reading! Have a blessed day!

Whew! so much to do...and be!

Well, I finished my long trek across the US, landed in the Portland area (stayed with great friends along the way in Denver and Salt Lake City), and finished my first full week of Grad School! I love it!

Tons of reading...in fact, I still have 3 more chapters to read for a class tonight. I'm taking a full 12 hour course load, plus have to volunteer (as part of the program) at 2 sites: one for my permaculture class and one for my spiritual leadership class. I'm still pursuing ideas for both projects and trying to tie up loose ends by the end of this week. Project proposals are due next week!

Still applying for grad assistantships in education and sustainability...and looking for a more permanent place to roost. I may have an offer close to school (it would be ideal!)...and in the meantime, I'm nestled down in Woodburn, OR with my new friends Jon and Sarah. They are AMAZINGLY generous and warm people. I couldn't have landed with more open, lovely people!

I'm grateful for every day here in Portland. It's just breathtaking. It's nothing to see a double rainbow almost daily. It rains almost every day, but there's plenty of sunshine in between.

I'm so thankful for the kindness of so many who helped me get here: my family, my friends, and God.

Here's hoping that all your dreams come true and that you keep pursuing them, no matter how difficult or unattainable they seem at times!

Amazing grace

Wow! I've been on and on about trying to get to grad school in Portland for some time now. I'm sure everyone else is tired of hearing me preach about hugging trees and saving the planet.

It's been hard financially since 2006, when I had my last steady income-producing job. Since then, I've gone back to school, completed my bachelor's degrees and optimistically applied for over 1,000..yes, ONE THOUSAND jobs. I moved to Austin, thinking maybe I could find a job there, armed with my 2 degrees and years of experience as a teacher and in a corporate environment. I moved to Galveston after 8 months of job hunting and zero job interviews.

I worked in real estate and enjoyed it until Hurricane Ike blew me out of town, leaving most of my possessions in ruins. I had just taken a job as a barista at Mod Coffee to help pay the bills between commission checks when the hurricane devastated Galveston last year. My apartment was demolished, Mod Coffee was more than 8 feet under water, and suddenly I had more real estate clients than I could handle, but no commissions were paid because apartment managers said my services were redundant.

I already knew that I wanted to go back to school, but didn't know where exactly. But I had it in my heart to try to move to Oregon (even before the storm hit). Then I found the grad education program at Portland State. This was it for me! I knew that it was the one program I had been searching for since 2007.

So I gathered what belongings I could salvage after the storm and moved to Houston, to my brother's home (temporarily, I thought) and I began the job hunt all over again until I could start grad school. Today is the one year anniversary of evacuating the island. In the last year I have applied for hundreds more jobs: temp, seasonal, part-time, full-time, retail, office, you-name-it!

And I began to think that maybe the reason I couldn't get a job was all part of God's plan for making me uncomfortable...making me restless so I wouldn't settle until I had moved to Oregon. I accepted that jobs seemed to elude me and I made the most of my time to write a collection of poetry for children. And I went ahead with plans to go to grad school at Portland State, continuing to apply for jobs and scholarships and grants.

And I prayed for provision. Paying my bills month by month, always wondering where the money would come from, would I have enough? and I've eeked by with the help of family and the grace of God. Somehow, through the generosity of family I have had enough.

But I ran out of money this month. It seems sort of appropriate. There's something so final about it. No money for the phone bill, no money for car insurance, no money for gas or food or an apartment deposit in Portland. No money for school. Student loans will only cover about 2/3 of the bill. No grad scholarships came in, no grants, no graduate assistantships.

I'm just empty and still trying to cling to a dream, a hope for a future. I admit I'm distressed. I've tried to walk by faith that God would provide. I've done everything to look for work. I've tried to be productive with my time. I've prayed and prayed.

And then today, I got a text message from an old friend, who is struggling to survive and to provide for her child...it said, "Pack your bags. We're sending money for gas." Then my sis-in-law offered to pay one of my bills.

And I am truly humbled. How can others continue to give sacrificially to help me achieve my dreams? It seems so selfish of me to be this needy. Poverty is the great humiliator, believe me! But it's even more humbling to know that when I was ready to give up, because I could not see a way out, friends and family picked up my dream, dusted it off, and set me on my way again.

I still don't know exactly how I will get to Portland or where I will stay once I get there or how I will pay for school or how I will even pay for my phone or car insurance, but God knows. And those he calls, he also equips. and I'm clinging tenaciously to that promise! Because my friends are sacrificially clinging to that promise for me too!

Dreams, Oregon or Bust

I had a dream the other night. Ya know, the kind you can't shake and think, "Maybe God is trying to tell me something."

I often invite God to speak to me in my dreams, 'cause I figure that when I'm "conscious" I'm often too busy or preoccupied with my own thoughts to listen. So if necessary, God may speak to me in a dream, 'cause otherwise, I just am too busy to listen.

So I dreamed that I was going to Grad school back in Tulsa at ORU. It was the second day of classes and I was going to be late for my first class on the first floor of the library building. When I arrived at the assigned classroom, there was a sign saying that the classroom had been changed and directing me to the 6th floor of the same building (where ORU's Mission Department was housed). So I took a series of elevators to the 5th floor, got off, ran up the stairs to the classroom, and sat in my seat just as the bell was ringing. Whew!

As I settled into the class, I saw a HUGE grizzly bear out of the corner of my eye. I jumped and looked again. Yep! A gianormous grizzly bear was sitting in the classroom. I started to laugh at the absurdity of it, when I noticed that the bear was staring straight at me. I nudged my neighbors around me and joked that the university's standards for admission had really gone down. They laughed and said, "Uh...you know that bear is staring at you, right? And it looks like he intends to eat you."

I tried to remain focused on the class, but began thinking of ways to escape as soon as the class was over. I knew that bears can travel as fast as 40 miles per hour. No way could I outrun it, and it did seem intent on attacking me. Just as the dismissal bell rang, I saw a rope hanging from a balcony. I slipped my back pack on and made a beeline for the rope, while the bear made a beeline for me. My only thought was, "I've GOT TO MOVE, NOW!" I grabbed the rope, flung myself over the edge and rapelled down to the first floor. When I looked up, the grizzly was towering over the edge, sniffing the air and looking for me, but I ran on to my next class.

When I awoke, I tried to interpret the dream, but all I could come up with was that I must have missed God. After all, I was at the wrong school, the wrong classroom, and the only sign or direction I had was going to the missions department area... It's September already and I still have no money to make the trip to Portland, much less pay for grad school or get an apartment. I don't even have money to buy dogfood for my dog or get gas for my car. And in spite of my multiple efforts to get a job, ANY job, for the past 18-24 months, I've had only 2 job interviews and NO job offers. Not even retail jobs or seasonal work or temp work.

But if I had missed God (which is highly likely), then why did he let me go on thinking that I should move to Oregon and go to grad school there for an entire year? Why not at least let me get a job and support myself for the past year? Now it's too late to get into another grad school this year. PSU's program doesn't start until Sept. 28th. Most other grad schools started classes in August. So I was discouraged and was kicking myself for messing up another year of my life with poor choices...

And then I felt in the back of my mind that I was still missing the point of the dream and that I should talk to my old friend, Ruth Marie about it. I know that she is very intuitive spiritually. I needed to tell her the dream and ask her to help me interpret it, if she was so inclined. I had to wait 3 days to talk to her about it.

And as I began re-telling the dream, I began to see where I had misunderstood or misinterpreted it the first time. Portland State isn't the wrong grad school, ORU isn't the right one for me. I'm in the wrong place NOW. I need to move. If I don't move soon, that financial bear will continue to attack me. I have to get up and get going. I have to escape.

Now, I'm not one to assign too much importance to dreams. After all, sometimes a dream is just a dream, the result of indigestion or some such thing. And sometimes our dreams reveal to us what is deep in our hearts (call it a word from God, if you will). But it's true: I feel that if I don't get out of here soon (though I am EXTREMELY grateful to my family for ALL their love and support and generosity), I will only continue in poverty longer. I have to move! I have to move now!

I don't know how, but then God called Abraham to get up and go to a place he would show him. And Abraham packed up all his stuff and got on the road. And he was rewarded for his faith. He believed and acted on it.

So this week, as I finish up a paint job at my brother's house and try to submit my manuscript to a publisher, I'm going to start packing my car. I have no money to pay my bills. But I'm going to begin packing...it's the only thing I know to do. People will probably think I'm crazy. But then they've always thought of me as eccentric anyway... so I might as well pack up my car and my dog and sell whatever is left in my storage unit (since I can't pay for it anyway) and begin the journey to Oregon. I'm frightened spitless, but I'll bet Abraham was too.

Vacationing in Tyler

I'm so grateful for the opportunity to stay at my brother's vacation spot on Lake Palestine this week. I've written 25 new couplets and rhymes and posted them at Imagination's Door blog.

Sam is happy. We've gone fishing and walking and biking. I'm trying to complete enough poems and rhymes to submit to a publisher next week. I've even begun a few sketches/illustrations.

I'm grateful and happy and believing for the next phase in Portland. I was thrilled to meet up with an old college buddy Sunday night and we're meeting for dinner tonight. It's just good to reconnect with old friends! Yay!

It poured down rain yesterday afternoon, a lovely break from the heat followed. Had a cool, pleasant evening on the balcony. Nice!

I made my way to the local library and got online. Just finished posting all 25 new poems. Yippee! Already started the outline and germ for a couple of short stories, too.

Welp, time to run! Gotta get back to my pooch and enjoy the Texas sun while I can!
Thank you, God, for the generosity of my family, allowing my to vacation here and get away to be creative. Thank you!

Do the Happy Dance!

Today, I'm doing the happy dance just because...

Though my situation has not seemed to change, I am celebrating God's provision for my life. I can celebrate what I know to be true: God is good. He knows everything and I do not. God is merciful. His grace is more than enough. He is compassionate.

So I'm doing the happy dance. Woo hoo!

1001 Arabian Nights and Faith

Ah, I was thinking about faith this morning as I so often do. I have been holding on to a promise for the last few months and I feel the fulfillment will come within the week. Do I doubt? At times, yes. But then I remember that God is incapable of lying and that he said if I hang on and do not doubt, whatever I ask will be granted.

Sometimes I feel as though I am only going through the motions. Does that make me a fake? Am I only resorting to a futile attempt at manipulation? Or am I really participating WITH God when I act on what is in my heart and mind? or when I speak my dreams?

I was thinking of this subject this morning when I opened an old storybook to the shortstory of Sheherazade from 1001 Arabian Nights and the Tale of the Barber's Sixth Brother (or the Barmecide's Feast). As the story goes, Shacabac had once been wealthy but had lost his fortune and was reduced to beggary. One day he went to an imposing home with guards at the door to beg them for alms. The guards opened the door and encouraged Shacabac to ask the master of the house for anything he needed, saying, "You shall get whatever you need from the master himself."

So Shacabac entered and found himself in the beautiful palace of the Barmecide, an Arabian noble man. As he wandered along , Shacabac soon stumbled into a great hall where an old man with a white beard sat. The old man jumped up to greet the brother kindly and asked what he could do to serve him.

Since the brother of the barber, Shacabac, was hungry, he asked for food. The Barmecide immediately promised food and began calling for his house boy to bring in water to wash their hands. Shacabac began to tell the man how grateful he was when he noticed that the old man seemed to be washing his hands in an invisible bowl of water. Not wanting to offend the old man, Shacabac pretended to wash his hands in the invisible bowl of water as the Barmecide ordered an invisible house boy to bring in the dinner.

The Barmecide sat down and and invited Shacabac to eat and he began to eat the invisible dishes one by one. Shacabac could see nothing, but he pretended to eat just the same.

"Oh, try this mutton and couscous," the old man said. "You must be very hungry."

Or, "Try this chicken stuffed with pistachios and sauce. Have you ever tasted anything like it?" the Barmecide asked.

"No, never!" cried the barber's brother who was ready to pass out from hunger. Though the brother could not see anything, he made all the motions of eating and drinking. He continued to pretend to enjoy every bite and to praise each invisible dish more heartily. And as he began to think of ways he could escape and perhaps find some real food, he declared that he couldn't possibly eat any more.

"Oh, but you haven't had an sweets or wine yet!" the Barmecide claimed and went on urging the brother to eat more of the invisible foods like dates and honey cakes.

Finally, Shacabac grew tired of the game and thought, "I'm so hungry that I'll make the old man pay for making me go through all this pretense and fooling me." So when the invisible servant brought in the invisible wine, Shacabac pretended to drink more than one glass of wine. And when the old man lifted the invisible glass to his lips again to drink the invisible wine, Shacabac smacked him so hard that room echoed with the sound.

The old man was shaken and trembling with rage when he shouted, "What do you mean by hitting me?"

Shacabac answered, "Oh, my lord, the wine was too much for me and I got carried away. It made me act like a crazy person."

At that, the Barmecide began to laugh out loud. "I've played this trick on many men through the years, but you are the first I have seen who could put up with it so long. So I forgive you. Let's eat for real!"

And so he clapped his hands loudly and servants appeared which brought in a delicious supper of all the things the Barmecide had pretended to offer Shacabac earlier. They enjoyed each other's company so much, that the barber's brother and the Barmecide became close friends. Shacabac stayed at the palace for twenty years.

It reminds me of another story... A man once told this story to his friends to remind them that they should pray and not give up: Once there was a judge who lived in a small town. The judge was known for being harsh. He didn't care about God or people.

Now in that same town, a poor widow lived. She kept coming to the judge and asking him to settle a case for her in her favor, saying, "Grant me justice against my adversary."

He refused to hear her case for a long time. But he finally gave in, saying to himself, "I don't care how this case turns out, but this widow will not stop bothering me! So I will see that she gets justice, just so she won't wear me out by pestering me to death!"

Now if the unjust judge will act on behalf of the woman's many pleas, won't our heavenly father bring justice for those who cry out to him night and day? Will he keep putting them off? No, he will see to it that they get justice, and quickly!

He also told the story of a man who had a friend. Now the man had guests arrive at his house unexpectedly, so he went to his friend's house at midnight and knocked on the door, saying, "Hey, I need you to loan me some bread because a friend of mine on a journey has just arrived, and I have nothing to give him to eat."

The man inside answered, "Don't bother me. The door is already locked and my kids are in bed. I can't get up and give you anything."

But even though the man inside wouldn't get up and give his friend anything just for the sake of friendship, he will get up and give him as much as he needs because of his boldness. That's why Jesus said, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to whoever knocks, the door will be opened."

He said over and over and over again, "Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And if you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."

Maybe it seems that I am going through the motions to some. They think I have put my faith in some invisible provision or a trick. They think I am deceived and deceiving myself. But I know that faith sees what is invisible and speaks the word through prayer which makes ALL things possible.

Silliness Reigns

woo hoo! I wrote 8 new silly poems for children on my poetry blog this week. What can I say? It makes me happy, so I reign in the kingdom of fools. I discovered this week that Beatrix Potter and I share a birthday, July 28. She was born more than one hundred years before I was, but I find myself relating to her life so often.

If only I could draw and paint as she did. I would love to illustrate my poems and rhymes. I've written more than 70 now and will begin collating a sample for publishers soon. I've determined to name my first storybook cottage 'Castle Farm Cottage', after Miss Potter's final home in the Lake District. Hill Top, the first home she purchased with the money from the sale of her first book, is perhaps her most famous home, but I confess, the name is a bit dull.

I hope to visit her estate after the publication of my children's rhymes. I long to wander the Lake District which has inspired so many poets and bards through the ages.

Storybook Endings

I am believing for my own storybook ending..., uh, the good kind, not the Grimm's Brothers kind of ending which usually involves gouging out of eyes or some brutality. Ha ha ha! I hope you find happy endings for each day.

Dreaming possibilities

I am still dreaming of possibilities and grateful for new mercies every day!

My Birthday and Shiny Stars

What a great day to be alive! I'm quietly celebrating my 12th ANNUAL 29th Birthday today. After all, if Lucille Ball could be perpetually 29 years old and a "natural" red head, why can't I? ha ha ha

I awoke this morning with the phrase "shine like the stars" stuck in my brain. I had been mulling it over in my sleep for some time apparently. So when I got up, I looked it up in the Bible (I remembered reading it there before). I came across 3 references to the phrase in Daniel chapter 12, Matthew chapter 13, and in Philippians 2.


The first reference is in the context of a vision which came to Daniel. It talks about the end of days
when "those who are wise will shine like the brightness of the heavens, and those who lead many to righteousness, like the stars for ever and ever." (Daniel 12:3)

The second comes from the context of Jesus explaining the parable of the weeds to his close friends. It also speaks of the end of the age when the world is finally sorted and "the righteous will shine like the sun in the kingdom of their Father." (Matthew 13:43)

The final reference comes from Paul's letter to the people at Philippi where he admonishes them to "do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life..." (Phil. 2:14-16)

I want to shine, to hold out the word of life to others. Paul also said in 2 Corinthians 3-4 that we are not like Moses whose face became radiant after meeting with God, but whose radiance eventually faded. Ours is a radiance which increases more and more.

"We are not like Moses, who would put a veil over his face to keep the Israelites from gazing at it while the radiance was fading away. But their minds were made dull, for to this day the same veil remains when the old covenant is read. It has not been removed, because only in Christ is it taken away. Even to this day when Moses is read, a veil covers their hearts. But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."

John wrote that "the law was given by Moses, but grace and truth came through Jesus Christ." I keep thinking of that story of Moses from Exodus 34.

"When Moses came down from Mount Sinai with the two tablets of the testimony in his hands, he was not aware that his face was radiant because he had spoken with the Lord. When Aaron and all the Israelites saw Moses, his face was radiant, and they were afraid to come near him." But Moses called to them and met with all of them and told them what God had said.

"When Moses finished speaking to them, he put a veil over his face. But whenever he entered the Lord's presence to speak with him, he removed the veil until he came out. And when he came out and told the Israelites what he had been commanded, they saw his face was radiant. Then Moses would put the veil back over his face until he went in to speak with the Lord."

Can you imagine? If the glory that came from Moses' face-to-face encounters with God literally made his face so brilliant that people could not look at him, can you imagine what our countenances would be since we have been given a covenant relationship with God which is eternal?

Paul writes: "Now if the ministry that brought death, which was engraved in letters on stone, came with glory, so that the Israelites could not look steadily at Moses' face because of its glory, fading though it was, will not the ministry of the Spirit be even more glorious? If the ministry that condemns men is glorious, how much more glorious is the ministry that brings righteousness! For what was glorious has no glory now in comparison with the surpassing glory. And if what was fading away came with glory, how much greater is the glory of that which lasts!"

And we get to do this: Hold out the word of life to others! YAY! Again, I find myself praying: "May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in your sight, Oh Lord, my strength and my redeemer." As we participate with God, we begin to shine like the stars in the universe and no amount of darkness can extinguish or block its light forever. Woo hoo!

And the winner is....

GRATITUDE! Yep! I'm back to that old theme. Gratitude is the foundation upon which we build our lives; fulfilled lives. Think of someone you know who always sees the glass half empty. They may make more money than they have ever made in their lives, have a nice house and cars, a family, a good job, but they are unhappy because they are always waiting for the ax to fall. They are always waiting for bad news. And when bad news comes, they think, "AHA! See? I was justified in thinking the worst would happen."

Now think of the person you know who sees the glass half-full. Some people might accuse them of being unrealistic. Not at all! It's just that they CHOOSE to focus on the good rather than the bad. When some thing bad happens to them, they look for the silver lining. Sure, they experience disappointment, just like the "realists". But they learn that life is not all heart-ache and disappointment. They find stuff to rejoice in even at the worst of times!

But how do they do that? What if you've been a half-empty bloke your whole life because you thought it was the "realistic" viewpoint? What if you want to change that habit, that attitude now? How do you change an attitude of skepticism to a positive outlook?

You start with gratitude. Think of all the things you are grateful for. I'm working on my list today too.

I'm grateful for a cup of coffee and a quiet house to do grant research and a computer with internet connection.

I'm grateful for the word of God.

I'm grateful for encouraging friends and not-so-encouraging family. Because the Bible says "faithful are the wounds of a friend" and a "brother was born for adversity." My family tells me stuff about myself that I don't want to hear sometimes. It can be pretty brutal at times, but I'd rather they were honest with me than have them lie to me. This way, I can grow and mature, as painful as it is at times.

I'm grateful for good health.

I'm grateful that God promised to supply all my needs according to his amazing riches.

I'm grateful that God calls me friend, even though I don't deserve it.

I'm grateful for good words and honest teaching from guys like Ed and Mark Gungor. I caught Mark on TBN last night while flipping through the channels. It was good to laugh.

And now comes that part that I sometimes have to live by faith, though I don't know how or when or any details:
I am grateful that God has already prepared a home for me in Portland and that he is making a way for me to go to grad school, because he said, "those he calls he also equips." And he told me not to worry about tomorrow or what I'll eat or drink or wear. My heavenly Father already knows what I need and he won't abandon me. I am grateful that
the creator who keeps the planets and stars spinning in space also cares about me. He is opening a door that no man can shut. He will open the heavens and pour out a blessing that no man can contain.

Gratitude is like a pair of prescription glasses which help us see the glass half-full because we change our focus from what is not there (or lack) to what is there (abundance). You can call them rose colored glasses if you want. But seeing the world as rosy doesn't seem to be a bad thing to me. Now where did I put those glasses again?

Still focused

I'm still focused on the power of my words and my attitudes. Fear has been creeping around lately, but I refuse to give in to doubt! I will not submit to its crippling influence.

I am determined to live this one life to the full, by faith in God's word and holding on to his promises.

Naysaying the naysayers

What does one do with the naysayers which surround us? Daily, well-meaning people ask me HOW I will pay for graduate school. How will I afford to live? Why don't I settle for a job as a substitute teacher elsewhere (mind you, it IS summer time now)? Why would I possibly go into debt to get a graduate degree or degrees at this stage of my life? These are legitimate questions.

I have answers. I have the most sound, logical arguments, but they do not hear. I am a silly woman in their eyes; nice, but a bit batty or eccentric. Worse, a dreamer. And yet, dreams lead us to aspire to something greater than what we currently are or maybe to aspire to the greatness that lies within us.

I have no magic carpet or magic lamp with a genie to grant my wishes, but I do have a dream and Hope! I recently re-read the story of Pandora's Box as told by Nathaniel Hawthorne. He ends the tale with this line:
"And all the rest of their lives when Troubles would come back and buzz about their heads, they would wait patiently till Hope, the fairy with the rainbow wings, came back to heal and comfort them."

Pleasant dreams

I love that expression. "Pleasant dreams," we say as we wish someone a good night. However, I think that I'll adapt it to daytime use. I love the word "pleasant". It's so seldom used these days, but it has such a warm, fuzzy, benign, happy, glowing meaning.

Of course, I wish your dreams will come true as well. So today, I bid you "pleasant dreams" as you pursue your goals and go through the motions of everyday life. I had to include this note from The View from Mrs. Sundberg's Window, a weekly post about Garrison Keillor's show, Prairie Home Companion. If you are not a regular listener to the radio show which airs every Saturday evening from 5:00-7:00pm on NPR, you don't know what you are missing.

Anyhooo, Mrs. Sundberg posted this note called "Radiate, Flicker and Glow" on June 9, 2009:

Listened to the show Saturday and it was not bad. It had been cloudy and gray all day, and raining on and off, so instead of sun, I had a lot of lights on. I know it might seem wasteful, but I like a lot of light. I like to see what I'm doing, if nothing else, but if there's any warmth to be had, I like that, too. I like words like "glow" and "bask" and "illuminate" and if I can get a vitamin from being in the light, well, light up the ultraviolet bulb.

Don't get me wrong. A good candle or two certainly can do the trick, especially on a dreary day. And there are certain days which call for candlelight. I light one up on days when the house smells musty after a long winter. I light a candle on days when someone I love is far away or struggling or having surgery. I light a candle on days when I'm remembering something significant to me alone, and I might not even explain it to anyone. (I light a candle every year on the date of my conception, and that's all I'll say about that except that it's in December and I was born nine months to the day later.) Some days I light a candle simply because I'm feeling crappy and a flickering flame is enough to distract me into feeling better.

They say each of us has an aura about us, a kind of field of energy that reacts and expands in light and color. I don't know for sure about this, but I swear I've met people who are lit up and shine, who radiate and flicker and glow, and I also know people who are burnt out and dull and, well, kind of dead. You know? 'Minds me of a song I love. "This Little Light of Mine, / I'm Gonna Let It Shine..." Let it shine? Heck. Light up the whole prairie, Honey. For as long as ever you can.

You can read other posts here: http://www.publicradio.org/columns/prairiehome/sundberg/2009/06/09.shtml

Pleasant dreams!

Rain, water, and words

It never ceases to amaze me that Bible verses I read or memorized many, many years ago have suddenly become alive to me; filling my mind, my consciousness.

I was re-reading what Paul wrote to the church at Corinth in his second letter about generosity. Apparently, the people of Corinth had gotten so excited about the opportunity to help others out that they decided to send money to other people who were struggling. Paul was coming to collect that gift. He knew they didn't have tons of money, but in their eagerness to be a part of what God was doing, they had made a promise to give a certain amount. Certainly no one twisted their collective arm. They were just so enthused about giving that they had made a promise.

Paul was reminding them before he came to be sure to have the money ready so he could take it those who were in dire need, and to continue giving out of a cheerful heart and not under compulsion. As I was reading again about the law of Karma (or reaping and sowing), I kept thinking about an old verse from Isaiah about how God's word is powerful and effective. Just like rain waters the earth and makes the earth productive, God's words accomplish his purposes.

Maybe it was the phrase which Paul used in II Corinthians 9:10, "seed to the sower and bread for food" which triggered the memory of the ancient writings of Isaiah in Chapter 55.

But this is all too good not to record all of what Paul and Isaiah both wrote concerning God's power and his words and our participation WITH him. Paul writes in II Corinthians 9:6-12-

"Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. As it is written: 'He has scattered abroad his gifts to the poor; his righteousness endures forever.'

Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God. This service you perform is not only supplying the needs of God's people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God."

Isaiah wrote this (55:10-11): " As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it."

I love this. Paul is not only talking about financial blessing (though it is the main point of his discussion), he is also talking about us having everything we need at all times so that we can be a blessing or joy to others. This is where we get to particpate WITH God. When we understand his word(s), we begin to speak life and hope and healing to those around us. But it's not just empty words. We also get to give!

When we begin to understand that Jesus IS the word of God; that he sustains ALL things, the whole universe is held together by his powerful word, then we begin to see that he also fought and won battles of the mind and spirit through the spoken and written, revealed word of God. When he was being tempted after fasting for 40 days, he overcame temptation by speaking the word of God. He understood that God, who was able to make water appear in the desert out of plain rock (Exodus 17: 1-7) or to make bitter water sweet (Ex. 15:22-25) and bread or manna to appear from the skies (Exodus chapter 16), was able to supply everything he needed. He recognized that HE was the bread from heaven. God's word is more sustaining than food or water.

This is why John called him the word of God which came down from heaven and lived among us. This is why Jesus said in response to temptation: "Man does not live on bread alone, but every word which proceeds from the mouth of God." This is why he quoted the written words of God. He knew that they are powerful and effective.

And we get to participate in this same incredible gift of God when we understand the power of his word at work in our lives. When we understand what HE says about us, we know that nothing is impossible. We begin to ask God, "What do you want to accomplish?" We begin to pray things like David did: "May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in your sight, Oh Lord, my strength and my redeemer."

We understand that words are not static, but kinetic. It is the greek word "logos". According to Webster, logos is a philosophical concept which means "1) reason, thought of as constituting the controlling principle of the universe and as being manifested by speech, or 2) the eternal thought or word of God made incarnate in Jesus Christ (John 1)."

It always comes down to this: Will I choose to speak negative words? Or will I choose to speak words of life and act in such a way that my words are not hollow? Will I choose love? Will I choose life?

Building a foundation

I keep returning to the concept that everything starts with gratitude. Gratitude is the foundation on which I hope to build my life.

Today, I am grateful for nice memories with my family. My brother and his wife and kids all went to a lake where we practiced kayaking. It was great fun and very relaxing.

A group of Mexicans had gathered nearby and were blasting their tex-mex music... I love it! Who could ever remain unhappy if they heard zydeco or tex-mex music? It's so upbeat and dance-able and a veritable celebration of everything that is life!

Lovely day!

Ohh la la! Pour m'amuser, j'ecoute l'Europe 1!

De temps en temps, je tourne a la radio française a fin de m’amuser. Selon moi, elle est drôle. J’adore les accents français et la musique si heureuse. Je viens d’écouter la musique de Hawaii Five-O ce matin ! Et son rire ! Vous savez ce que je parle, le rire fameux de Maurice Chevalier. Il me fait rire toujours et me fait souvenir de mes étudiants de français qui me faisaient rire avec ses bêtises.

Et en plus, ce que je remarque, c’est que les français emploient souvent la phrase « J’imagine… ». Ca, c’est ma devise. Je chant tout le longue de la journée, « J’imagine…et tout est possible. »

From time to time, I turn to French radio to amuse myself. In my opinion, it is funny. I love those French accents and their happy, happy music. I think I just heard the theme song from Hawaii Five-O this morning. Oh, and that LAUGH! You know the one; the Maurice Chevalier laugh. It cracks me up every time and reminds me of my former French students who used to make me laugh with their impersonations.

Besides that, I’ve noticed that the French often use the phrase “I imagine…” That’s my motto! All day long, I repeat to myself, “I imagine…and everything is possible.”

Oh, if you want a real hoot, try putting this small excerpt through an online language translator. I promise it will come out something like those “English” Tee-shirts one finds in Japan. My sister sent one years ago and I wear it with pride. Not to mention I get a giggle from the puzzled, confused looks on people’s faces as they try to understand:

I’LL STICKY ABOUT MY FAVORITE THINGS

INDIVIDUALITY

I’D LIKE TO BE FAMILIAR WITH FASHIONS,

BUT I WON’T BE CARRIED BY THEM

THOSE WHO ARE STICKY ABOUT THEIR WAY OF LIFE

ARE NEVERTHE-LESS WONDERFUL!

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. I LOVE IT! It cracks me up every time! Believe me, I’ve had my fair share of “gaffes” or “faux pas”. I have stuck my foot right in my mouth plenty of times in other languages…and I lived to tell about it, though I was pretty sure at the moment that I would die of embarrassment. One thing I’ve learned in my attempts at language acquisition is you will make colossal mistakes, but if you can laugh at your miserable blunders, you’ll have great stories to tell another day!

Faith, Mystics and in-class Participation

Thanks to Ed Gungor for really turning the light on for me in so many ways over the past 20 years! Ed writes about When Faith Is Mystical in his latest notes on Facebook. See www.edgungor.com.

I know there are many people who look at what I'm saying right now, and they think, "That's all fine for you, but I don't believe in some 'name-it-and-claim-it' scam." Well, neither do I! See? How lovely! We agree!

When I talk about believing in your heart and speaking with your mouth in order to "create" things, I'm not talking about some kind of spiritual blackmail or manipulation of God. First of all, I don't think we CAN manipulate God or he wouldn't be God. Secondly, we only deceive ourselves if we think that this is some "pie in the sky" philosophy in which we can control everything.

And it's not about trying to trick myself or con myself into believing something in order to amass wealth. It's so much more than that superficial, self-serving concept. This is about participating with God.

As a high school teacher, I put a lot of emphasis on "in-class participation", because I knew that if my students were engaged, they would just "get it." They didn't have to struggle to comprehend French or Spanish. In a way, it just came to them if they only participated wholeheartedly in class. If they paid attention to what they heard in class, language acquisition was theirs!

And that's kind of how it is with us. God knows that when we engage with him wholeheartedly, when we seek to know him personally, when we stop trying to manipulate ourselves into some kind of manufactured belief or faith and just begin to BE around him, to converse with him, then we'll "get it". That's when we begin to understand that what we believe in our hearts (our attitudes) and what we say with our mouths DOES, indeed, create realities on some level. But it's not about what I want! It's about getting around God and asking him for insight; asking him what HE wants. Then when we pray, we start saying things like "your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven", and we mean it!

That's when we begin to relate to guys like Daniel and Joseph and Abraham from the Old Testament and we start to get glimpses of heaven, the future, or the other dimension. And then we speak about what we have seen by faith. And then we are assured that what we ask for will be given to us, because we aren't just asking for our stuff, but we are asking for the stuff that God gives us glimpses of. Does that make sense?

And this is the mystical part...we don't always see things clearly. Sometimes we get a glimpse, maybe in a dream or maybe just an impression in our minds, or maybe someone says something and we think, "YES! That's just what I've been thinking but couldn't articulate!" And that word resonates in our spirits and we just know that it is true. That's where faith comes in. Faith sees what cannot be seen.

The cool part is that we get to participate in the way God created the universe. We know now through Quantum Physics and Mechanics that God created the universe to respond to the words we speak. Oh, not just the "I claim a million dollars" kind of crap, but the get-around-Jesus-and-start-to-know-his-mind kind of stuff. That's when we have full confidence that what we ask for will be done.

The Book of Hebrews is full of this stuff; examples of people who participated WITH God, not outside of God; not people who tried to manipulate God or the universe, but people who loved God and couldn't wait to be around him. And a side-effect of knowing God was this exciting possibility of getting to participate WITH him in creating stuff. The Bible says that Daniel's powerful words, born out of relationship with God, are still accomplishing today what God intended.

That's why Jesus made the analogy of the vine and the branches, because he knew that apart from him we can do nothing, just like a branch on a grape vine can produce nothing if it's not attached to the main vine where life comes from. But, lest we forget, the object of a branch on a grape vine is to produce good fruit. And here comes that concept again: It is by grace that we have been and are being saved, and even that is by faith which didn't come from us, but was a gift from God, so that no one can boast. It didn't come by doing or by works, and yet Paul says "We are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." (Eph. 2:10)

Ah, here's the thin line, the spider web on which we hang our hopes: It's the age-old "to do is to be" and "to be is to do". Do, be, do, be, do, be, do... Without faith, it's impossible to please God. Faith without works is dead, but faith is not from us, lest anyone think that he/she somehow manipulated God... Hoooo boy. The whole purpose of faith is to open our eyes enough, beyond what our mortal eyes can see, in order to acknowledge God and find relationship with him and to get with HIS program.

I can't say it enough: this is NOT about manipulation or selfish control or some kind of magical mumbo-jumbo. It's about loving God. When you love someone, you want to be around that person. You try to plan your days around being with that special someone. You can't seem to stop thinking about him/her. And when you are with that person, everything seems so alive and you want to know what makes that person tick? What are his/her goals or dreams?

Maybe that's why Jesus kept breaking it down to this one commandment: "Love God with everything that makes you who you are, and love your neighbor as yourself." When we love God, all the other stuff; participating in creation, believing and speaking, even miracles and really cool wonders, are just a side-effect. We don't love God just to have power! No, we love God and get to know him, and sometimes he displays his incredible power in us. But mostly, we get to stand in awe and mind-blowing gratitude of an almighty God who condescended to become one of us so he could become the open door to a relationship with the Father, a God who calls us friends.

And when we do have faith, the kind that could move mountains, we recognize that it doesn't come from us, but it's a gift from God and is a result of LOVE. And out of gratitude for his love which he pours into our hearts, we want to be a part of some form of kindness or love for other people and so we speak words of life, love and hope. We want others to "get it", too. We want them to be called friends of God, because we know the incredible joy that comes from knowing Christ.

And now we find ourselves believing and praying things like:
"In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence...For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to KNOW this love that surpasses knowledge- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more that all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." (Eph 3: 12, 14-21)

Yippee! I feel like dancing like a prospecting, old coot who just found gold in a remote, mountain stream! I didn't find the treasure because I'm good-lookin' or rich or intellectual. Nope, God was nice enough to let me stumble onto the riches of knowing him because he said, "if you seek me, you will find me." And not only do I get the treasure of knowing him, but once in a while I stumble on the secrets/ the mysteries/ the gems that come from knowing him. And I get to share it with the whole world! Neat-o! Yippee! Woo hoo! I think I'll dance a jig!

Capturing thoughts

As the happiness experiment continues, I find myself able to take my thoughts captive more easily. Yay! The discipline is beginning to pay off! Negative or judgmental thoughts are being replaced by thoughts of peace and joy.

I've even begun punning again. I'm not one for sophisticated wit or humor. Nope, I thrill to a good pun, or physical comedy. It's true. Watching someone else get hurt (only in a movie or TV Show) just makes me roar! An old Charlie Chaplin or Abbott and Costello, possibly a Laurel and Hardy flick, and I'm practically peeing my pants. But the pun....ahhh, I love a good pun.

So last night, as I was clearing up the dishes after dinner and throwing away some potato peelings, I found myself overcome by an urge to sing in my best Tom Jones-lounge-lizard style impersonation,
"Peelings....nothing more than Peelings,
trying to forget these peelings from spuds.
Teardrops running down on my face
'cause we had onions with those peelings and grub.

Peelings, whoa whoa whoa,
peelings again on my arms,
peeeelings..."

Hey,at least my sister-in-law found it funny.

Hoo boy! Self-control...

See? Now this is the character trait which I dreaded writing about because, frankly, I have not mastered the art of self-control. And self-control is one of THE overarching character traits which puts so many of the others into effect.

Patience, gentleness, kindness, love, peace, and goodness....even faithfulness, all are exercised under the umbrella of self-control. Without self-control, I find myself reacting to people rather than responding in a way which builds them up. For example, take my 9 year old nephew... please! (Ba dump dum!)

Call it a personality clash, but we find ourselves at odds at all times. If I say it's a great day, the kid will disagree with me. If I say something is true, he says "No, it's not." If I say I like something, he finds something to dislike about it. In general, the kid is contrary, argumentative and down-right disagreeable!

And now I've been wanting to cultivate these good character traits in my life...It's so easy when others are agreeable! But what about the "nephews" in our lives who are not so easy to get along with? Now comes self-control!

Can I bite my tongue when he disagrees or openly rebels against good sense or wisdom? Can I love him enough to stop my harsh tongue from criticizing? Arrrrrgh! I want to answer his negative words and sadly misguided attitudes! I want to point out that he is wrong and nearly unteachable when he refuses to listen to wisdom! I want to scream!

Instead, I find myself walking away from him to avoid an argument. I'm trying to get some tools in place to help me deal with him; to help me love him in a way that HE needs. Even when I fall back into my old way of thinking and acting, I catch myself more quickly now and pull away. I want him to know that I love him and that when I DO correct him, it's because I want HIS good! I want him to be able to make friends and KEEP them! I want him to be able to get along with others. I want him to be happy!

So, I think I found a new tool to help me from now on. Rather than argue with him, which is pointless because he only takes it personally that I disagree with him on ANY point, regardless of the truth, or lack thereof, of his position, I start humming or singing a tune which reminds me that it is only the KINDNESS of God which leads us all to repentance. And now, I feel better because I didn't get into a silly argument with a headstrong child, and singing always lifts my spirits. And he feels better because I walked away from another argument. Maybe one day, he'll hear the words of the song and they will sink into his consciousness.

Or maybe I could make that verse in James be my new mantra: "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry."

And now I can concentate on other areas of my life which need self-control...eating healthily, getting plenty of sleep and exercise, making the most of every moment, time management, advanced research for school, more languages to learn, practicing guitar, writing....so many disciplines to pursue daily and NO time to argue pointlessly or waste emotional energy.

Kindness and Gentleness

I still keep thinking of that quote by Mark Twain which says that "kindness is the language which even the deaf can hear and the blind can see". We often think of movies like Pay It Forward when we think of kindness or Random Acts of Kindness. Just doing something nice for someone else is so rewarding. I can't seem to stop humming an old song: It's your kindness which leads us to repentance, Oh Lord. Knowing that you love us, no matter what we do, makes us want to love you."(Leslie Phillips)

Titus 3:3-5 says we used to be foolish and disobedient too. We were deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. But we also lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating each other. BUT when we saw the kindness and love of God, we were saved, not because of anything we did, but because God is merciful.

A gentle answer, we are told, can turn away anger or wrath. Wrath always makes me think of some kind of determined, destructive vengeance. Philippians 4:5 says "let your gentleness be evident to all." Peter, who is probably best known for sticking his foot in his mouth, often, was also a truly humble guy. He recognized when he was stubborn or opinionated and repented. He knew what it was to suffer for the sake of Christ. And after all the torture and hardship he endured, he still writes: "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give a reason for the hope that you have. BUT do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander."

We think of gentle-hearted people; genuinely kind people who seem to do no harm to others. So often their gentleness is more than preventing cruelty to animals or some such kind behavior, but it most often involves the way they respond to others. Gentleness doesn't have to win an argument. It doesn't have to try to prove itself "right". It only seeks to softly answer another. It seeks the good of the other person.

Frankly, I used to watch Hell's Kitchen with Chef Gordon Ramsey, but had to stop watching. I can't watch a grown man yell at, scream at, berate and demean another human being. I realize Mr. Ramsey had a hard life and probably had very few role models, so I don't fault him. But I just cannot sit and watch him verbally beat up another. I think, "How sad that he doesn't realize how much harder people would work for him if he built them up, sought their good, and treated them with gentleness." Gentleness is NOT weakness. On the contrary, it takes great strength, incredible self-control to turn away wrath or anger.

In reality, a gentle answer is a wise answer. There are two kinds of wisdom: the world's wisdom which tells us to "look out for number one", and then there's God's wisdom which sees beyond the immediate to the long-term results of our words and actions. James wrote (3: 13ff): "Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such 'wisdom' does not come from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. (Yikes!) For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. BUT the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness."

I find it interesting that James didn't say ambition is wrong. He distinctly said "selfish ambition." Wanting to do great things or make a contribution is not wrong or evil. But selfish motivations cause trouble in our relationships, in our lives.

Oh, how many times do my selfish motivations get me in trouble? It's usually my words which get me in trouble. But James is adamant about this, I deceive myself if I think I'm a religious person and I don't keep a tight rein on my tongue. James says my religion is worthless if I can't get my words under control. Here's a wise saying I should pay more attention to: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life God desires. (James 1:19-20)

The good news is that we can walk in gentleness and kindness. We CAN control our words and attitudes. The more we get around Jesus, the more we'll be like him because we'll see him as he is. Then we can be assured that we can respond like Paul to harsh treatment. He learned to bless when others cursed him, to endure when persecuted, and to answer kindly when slandered. (I Cor.4: 12-13) He knew that being in relationship with Christ brings incredible freedom! And God reflects his amazing glory in us, transforming us into his likeness with ever-increasing glory.

In other words, the more we hang out with Jesus, the more we are transformed into something amazing! And the more we are transformed by love, the more we recognize that we are like earthy vases. Inside us is this incredible treasure which just shines and glows and makes people want to be around us! But the more we experience Love, the more we realize that we are just clay jars. The amazing thing is the treasure...(Hint: the treasure is God's love for people). Paul said it like this, "We have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us."

Or put it like this, we are just plain, wooden treasure chests. No one gets excited over the treasure chest (except for the Antiques Road Show). The thing they get excited about is the TREASURE that's inside!

Yay! The more we walk in love and gentleness and kindness, the more people want to be around us. Not only that, but we get to show them that the love, kindness and gentleness comes from God and not from us! Now THAT is good news!

Everyone Loves A Parade

Well, my "playdar" (as my friend says to describe that ability to find fun in anything) didn't even have to be on to register this funny little tidbit. I just heard of a 4th of July parade which featured a Lawn Chair Drill Team. Apparently, one woman claims that the only way she and her friends could get into the parade was to hoist their aluminum lawn chairs and do a dance down the parade route! I love it.

And let's not forget the men on parade with their riding lawn mowers in synchronized spins and sashays! Square dancing takes on a whole new meaning after one sees it performed by men on riding lawn mowers.

That's what I love about America! People love to celebrate. Happy Birthday, America!

Faithfulness

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. The irony just hit me. I meant to blog about faithfulness yesterday and kept getting distracted by reading about other subjects.
Faithfulness...it's that stick-to-it-ness that carries us through even when we don't feel like doing something. It's loyalty, duty, and all those other ty's that we tend to ignore or pretend don't apply to us anymore.

Am I wrong? Perhaps it's just me, but I get uncomfortable when someone mentions the word "duty". I don't want to be locked in to a job or task or possibly a person long-term.

And yet, I appreciate those friends who have stuck with me all these years, proving themselves faithful, even when I fall short. Faithful, loyal...we often think of our dogs when we hear these words. Why? Because Max and Sam (my beautiful cocker spaniels) don't quit on me or abandon me just because I lost my temper or I had other obligations all day. They are always happy to see me and want to be at my side. They come back to me when I let them run. They don't forget me in pursuit of some new scent. They certainly don't follow anyone else. They are loyal to me.

And now comes the application or reality. Am I faithful? Have I been loyal to the one's in my life? How can I live faithfully? LOL-, well for one, I could have taken a few minutes yesterday to write this down and kept a consistent journal.

And now today, I will meditate on the character traits of faithfulness and goodness. My first inclination is that these two traits cannot be seperated. Is it possible to be good without being faithful? Is it possible to be faithful without being good? I don't mean "is it possible to DO good without faithfulness?" This the distinction- doing and being.

It is possible to DO something good without being faithful; a kind word to a stranger, a smile, perhaps a donation. Faithfulness implies relationship and an internal sense of integrity. I love that word; integrity. It conjures an image of a whole like a wheel or even a complex machine which could not function without ALL of its pieces. Every part is integral to the function of the whole.

Doing and being...It always come down to this. Function...that's the doing part. The whole...that's the being or existing. Maybe it's like art. I can appreciate art, perhaps a painting or sculpture or even performance art. It exists and I enjoy it for whatever it is.

Then there's "functional art" like bowls and vases and beautiful pieces of pottery which can serve not only as something lovely to behold but also can double as a tool or utensil. Some might argue that all art is functional in that it evokes feelings of joy or anger or calm or moves us to action and that, as such, it has served a purpose. I propose that we are all God's art, functional art. Ephesians 2:10 says that we are God's workmanship (his masterpiece or work of art), created in Christ Jesus to do good works. This was always God's intention for us even before he created the universe.

And now we come down to the age old argument: which is better- to be or to do? Jesus had this argument thrust upon him once when he was hanging out with some friends in Bethany. Mary was listening and conversing with Jesus and the disciples, hungry to know more about what Jesus was saying. Martha, her sister, was getting ticked off, starting to feel unappreciated because she was "doing all the work" while her sister just talked.

So Martha, who thinks that doing is better than being, tells Jesus: "Hey, make my lazy sister get up and help me. I'm working my fingers to the bone trying to get dinner and there she sits, chatting with you guys."

I love Jesus' response. He doesn't berate Martha for "doing", but he does notice that she seems to be worried about a lot of stuff and is feeling overwhelmed when in reality only one thing is needed. What is that one thing?

He said Mary knew what it was. "Mary has chosen the better thing," he said. She recognized that Jesus wouldn't be around forever and she embraced the moment. Martha wasn't wrong for making preparations or doing. She just lost sight of the fact that Jesus came to her house to hang out with her, to just be with his friends. I'm guessing Martha's love language is doing stuff for other people, while Mary's language of love is listening actively.

Ah, I have much more to write about this delicate balance, this tight rope I find myself on so often, between being and doing, but I need to mow the lawn for my brother and clean the house while they are out of town. Because we love not only in words but in deeds. And because I recognize that faith (or love) without actions is dead. Didn't John write, "Dear children, let us not love with words or language but with actions and in truth"?

I'm TRYING to be patient!

Perhaps, I am too impatient, but I have so little to write about patience. My gut instinct tells me that when I walk in peace and love and gratitude, then patience abounds, because I begin to see the whole picture. Details irritate me less. People irritate me less. I become more understanding. Proverbs 14:29 says a patient man has great understanding..so he doesn't get easily riled or ruffled.

We know that love is patient. The opposite is also true, impatience is NOT love. Patience implies endurance...like running a long-distance race. We don't expect to get to the finish line in 10 seconds. We know that we have to run and slog it out for 26.2 miles if we are running a marathon. We don't win if we stop at 26 miles. We don't get a prize if we quit or give up at 15 miles. Patience sees the end goal and the prize and plods ahead in order to gain the reward.

Paul wrote about it in his letter to the people at Corinth in Greece. "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore, I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."

In China they have an expression which says you should be able to swallow an entire ocean, so you will not lose face. It's no credit to you if you lose your temper. Losing one's temper in China is considered VERY bad form and shameful. We know this and yet we snipe and gripe and get irritated with one another. But we are the losers. We are the ones who look bad. The nastiness in our hearts betrays us when we become impatient with others. We become the bad guy.

Maybe patience sees others through eyes of grace and faith. When we see ourselves and others like C.S. Lewis once spoke about in his famous sermon called "The Weight of Glory"; maybe when we see that we are helping others to either eternal glory or eternal hell, we begin to treat each other with great patience, knowing that that is how God treats us. When we see the potential in others, rather than the behaviors or words which irritate us, we begin to respond to others with patience, knowing that we are also flawed and in need of great grace.

Then we are less quick to judge, less quick to react in anger, less likely to berate, less driven to be "right" or to win arguments, less impatient. THEN we become patient, long-suffering, enduring, persevering.

Patience is, in a sense, a resignation to God's timetable; understanding that God exists outside of our time-space continuum. That's why Peter wrote that we should be patient and understand that to God a day is like a thousand years and thousand years like a day. His timing is perfect because he is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Time didn't even exist until the fall of man, when death was introduced to the world. And now we measure our days, but the wise man is patient until the Lord's coming.

James gave us the example of a farmer who waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and patiently waits for the autumn and spring rains. So we, too, must be patient and stand firm, because the Lord's coming is near. And James continues the thought with this warning: "Don't grumble against each other, or you will be judged. The Judge is standing at the door!"

There it is again....my words and attitudes! It's not enough to be patient or even to endure, but I must add to it a cheerful, thankful attitude. In fact, I doubt it is possible to BE patient with others if I don't already recognize grace and gratitude in my own life. So it's back to gratitude and love as a foundation. On that I build patience and character.

Here it is again in Romans 5: 1-5- "Therefore, since we have been justified through FAITH, we have PEACE with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by FAITH into this GRACE in which we now stand. And we REJOICE in the HOPE of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also REJOICE (even) in our sufferings, because we KNOW that suffering produces PERSEVERANCE; perseverance, CHARACTER; and character, HOPE! And we know that HOPE does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his LOVE into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." WOW! That is powerful. I get patience or perseverance by walking in relationship to God, understanding his grace and peace.

So I have to stay connected to God....kind of like that branch/vine thing he talked in the gospel of John (15). Without him, I can do nothing. But when I'm connected to him, all things are possible and I get to produce really neat fruit that is a blessing to others!