Dreams, Oregon or Bust

I had a dream the other night. Ya know, the kind you can't shake and think, "Maybe God is trying to tell me something."

I often invite God to speak to me in my dreams, 'cause I figure that when I'm "conscious" I'm often too busy or preoccupied with my own thoughts to listen. So if necessary, God may speak to me in a dream, 'cause otherwise, I just am too busy to listen.

So I dreamed that I was going to Grad school back in Tulsa at ORU. It was the second day of classes and I was going to be late for my first class on the first floor of the library building. When I arrived at the assigned classroom, there was a sign saying that the classroom had been changed and directing me to the 6th floor of the same building (where ORU's Mission Department was housed). So I took a series of elevators to the 5th floor, got off, ran up the stairs to the classroom, and sat in my seat just as the bell was ringing. Whew!

As I settled into the class, I saw a HUGE grizzly bear out of the corner of my eye. I jumped and looked again. Yep! A gianormous grizzly bear was sitting in the classroom. I started to laugh at the absurdity of it, when I noticed that the bear was staring straight at me. I nudged my neighbors around me and joked that the university's standards for admission had really gone down. They laughed and said, "Uh...you know that bear is staring at you, right? And it looks like he intends to eat you."

I tried to remain focused on the class, but began thinking of ways to escape as soon as the class was over. I knew that bears can travel as fast as 40 miles per hour. No way could I outrun it, and it did seem intent on attacking me. Just as the dismissal bell rang, I saw a rope hanging from a balcony. I slipped my back pack on and made a beeline for the rope, while the bear made a beeline for me. My only thought was, "I've GOT TO MOVE, NOW!" I grabbed the rope, flung myself over the edge and rapelled down to the first floor. When I looked up, the grizzly was towering over the edge, sniffing the air and looking for me, but I ran on to my next class.

When I awoke, I tried to interpret the dream, but all I could come up with was that I must have missed God. After all, I was at the wrong school, the wrong classroom, and the only sign or direction I had was going to the missions department area... It's September already and I still have no money to make the trip to Portland, much less pay for grad school or get an apartment. I don't even have money to buy dogfood for my dog or get gas for my car. And in spite of my multiple efforts to get a job, ANY job, for the past 18-24 months, I've had only 2 job interviews and NO job offers. Not even retail jobs or seasonal work or temp work.

But if I had missed God (which is highly likely), then why did he let me go on thinking that I should move to Oregon and go to grad school there for an entire year? Why not at least let me get a job and support myself for the past year? Now it's too late to get into another grad school this year. PSU's program doesn't start until Sept. 28th. Most other grad schools started classes in August. So I was discouraged and was kicking myself for messing up another year of my life with poor choices...

And then I felt in the back of my mind that I was still missing the point of the dream and that I should talk to my old friend, Ruth Marie about it. I know that she is very intuitive spiritually. I needed to tell her the dream and ask her to help me interpret it, if she was so inclined. I had to wait 3 days to talk to her about it.

And as I began re-telling the dream, I began to see where I had misunderstood or misinterpreted it the first time. Portland State isn't the wrong grad school, ORU isn't the right one for me. I'm in the wrong place NOW. I need to move. If I don't move soon, that financial bear will continue to attack me. I have to get up and get going. I have to escape.

Now, I'm not one to assign too much importance to dreams. After all, sometimes a dream is just a dream, the result of indigestion or some such thing. And sometimes our dreams reveal to us what is deep in our hearts (call it a word from God, if you will). But it's true: I feel that if I don't get out of here soon (though I am EXTREMELY grateful to my family for ALL their love and support and generosity), I will only continue in poverty longer. I have to move! I have to move now!

I don't know how, but then God called Abraham to get up and go to a place he would show him. And Abraham packed up all his stuff and got on the road. And he was rewarded for his faith. He believed and acted on it.

So this week, as I finish up a paint job at my brother's house and try to submit my manuscript to a publisher, I'm going to start packing my car. I have no money to pay my bills. But I'm going to begin packing...it's the only thing I know to do. People will probably think I'm crazy. But then they've always thought of me as eccentric anyway... so I might as well pack up my car and my dog and sell whatever is left in my storage unit (since I can't pay for it anyway) and begin the journey to Oregon. I'm frightened spitless, but I'll bet Abraham was too.