Hoo boy! Self-control...

See? Now this is the character trait which I dreaded writing about because, frankly, I have not mastered the art of self-control. And self-control is one of THE overarching character traits which puts so many of the others into effect.

Patience, gentleness, kindness, love, peace, and goodness....even faithfulness, all are exercised under the umbrella of self-control. Without self-control, I find myself reacting to people rather than responding in a way which builds them up. For example, take my 9 year old nephew... please! (Ba dump dum!)

Call it a personality clash, but we find ourselves at odds at all times. If I say it's a great day, the kid will disagree with me. If I say something is true, he says "No, it's not." If I say I like something, he finds something to dislike about it. In general, the kid is contrary, argumentative and down-right disagreeable!

And now I've been wanting to cultivate these good character traits in my life...It's so easy when others are agreeable! But what about the "nephews" in our lives who are not so easy to get along with? Now comes self-control!

Can I bite my tongue when he disagrees or openly rebels against good sense or wisdom? Can I love him enough to stop my harsh tongue from criticizing? Arrrrrgh! I want to answer his negative words and sadly misguided attitudes! I want to point out that he is wrong and nearly unteachable when he refuses to listen to wisdom! I want to scream!

Instead, I find myself walking away from him to avoid an argument. I'm trying to get some tools in place to help me deal with him; to help me love him in a way that HE needs. Even when I fall back into my old way of thinking and acting, I catch myself more quickly now and pull away. I want him to know that I love him and that when I DO correct him, it's because I want HIS good! I want him to be able to make friends and KEEP them! I want him to be able to get along with others. I want him to be happy!

So, I think I found a new tool to help me from now on. Rather than argue with him, which is pointless because he only takes it personally that I disagree with him on ANY point, regardless of the truth, or lack thereof, of his position, I start humming or singing a tune which reminds me that it is only the KINDNESS of God which leads us all to repentance. And now, I feel better because I didn't get into a silly argument with a headstrong child, and singing always lifts my spirits. And he feels better because I walked away from another argument. Maybe one day, he'll hear the words of the song and they will sink into his consciousness.

Or maybe I could make that verse in James be my new mantra: "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry."

And now I can concentate on other areas of my life which need self-control...eating healthily, getting plenty of sleep and exercise, making the most of every moment, time management, advanced research for school, more languages to learn, practicing guitar, writing....so many disciplines to pursue daily and NO time to argue pointlessly or waste emotional energy.