Vive la resistance!

I'm following up on a friend's encouragement to blog about this topic of abuse and resistance. Hope you find it encouraging and useful in your own journey. Most of my education this year has been focused on how adults (starting at age 17) learn and develop. 

 

It is unfortunate in any situation, whether in the guise of religion or education or corporation or whatever, when leaders use a prescriptive approach. I've been guilty of this myself. A prescriptive approach usually comes in the form of language such as, "Should", "Must", "Have to", "It's my way or the highway" or "You have to do it such-and-such a way or else..." or "There's a right way to do things and wrong way to do things..." This dualistic approach (right OR wrong, left OR right, black OR white, good OR bad) sets people up for failure, not meeting expectations, not living up to someone else's standards, guilt, shame, and grief. 

 The prescriptive approach in teaching says, "You must learn what I tell you to learn and how I tell you to learn it." In the corporate world, it may sound like..."This is the way we've always done it." It even invades our cultural expectations, "But WE don't do it like that. My way is the best way. Everyone SHOULD do it my way." 

 I have to laugh, because MOST adults begin to transform their narrow view of things as they approach the age of 18. We begin to question why we do what we do, why we believe what we believe, is it truth for us? We begin to differentiate ourselves from our parents' values and norms. We see that the world doesn't fall into Either/Or categories. Unless you are like my old friend, Bob....

I remember camping with him many times over the years. On one particular occasion, he actually told me that I had heated up the water (to be used to wash our dishes) wrong! I laughed! He was dead serious. At which point, I asked him if I had the basic concept of boiling correct: fill pan with water, apply heat to the pan, water comes to boil. He still insisted that HIS way of bringing water to a boil was somehow different than my way and that HIS way was better. (I'm still unsure to this day how our ways differed at all!) Bob earned the nicknames of Vanilla Dictator (for insistence that HE was the standard of normal and that everyone else should think and act like him), Fluid Intake Police (for his insistence on a road trip that my roommate could not and should not purchase a large drink for the road, lest she have to stop along the way to pee, causing delays for the rest of the group), and Herr Smith** (another reference to his dictator style). ** I've changed my old friend's name to protect his identity and also in faith that perhaps even he has opened his perspectives a bit in the last few years. 

 It's a human condition, this wanting everything to be black OR white, right OR wrong. Wouldn't the world be easier to manage, to navigate if everything was clearly marked? But it isn't. Modern day (and I'm sure our ancient brothers and sisters, too) christians have lived in the realm of Either/Or for too long. We have forgotten that Jesus was the Paradox King. The paradox says things are Both/And, both Either/Or. Didn't Jesus say that one who seeks to save his life will lose it, while the one who loses his life will save it? That's the paradox. If you lose, you also gain. If you gain, you also lose. It's BOTH losing AND gaining. It's not either/or. What is sad to me is that after all these years, we're still writing formulas for living. Do this. Don't do that. It's the same thing Jesus held against the Pharisees, not that they kept the law, but that they kept it to the exclusion of others, to the adding to the burden of others, to the exclusion of mercy and love and grace and kindness and peace. 

 But this is the danger inherent even in coming out of an abusive relationship like so many have had at Teen Mania, Open Bible Fellowship, pick a church or school or institution... the danger is that WE, in turn, begin prescribing a different way to live. We say, "Manipulative pastor or teacher or administrator, your way is wrong. Everyone else, follow me! My way is better!" And now, we have made a prescription out of our experience for everyone else to follow. 

 In Chela Sandoval's (2000) dissertation on the Methodology of the Oppressed, she would call this meta-ideologizing. It is the term used to describe replacing one ideology for another. This is the danger: in our zeal to break away from oppression and to resist it and to renounce it, we form our own ideology and condemn our oppressors and establish a new form of oppression. This is the point where those who were oppressed now become the oppressors! When our old oppressors don't see the error of their ways, we begin to persecute them for not seeing the world as we do, for not following our ways, our prescription for life. This is that delicate spiderweb on which we try to balance our lives, our being... following Christ without making our experiences the dictation and prescription for everyone else. Here the old Greek saying plays out well: "To thine own self be true." To which I might add: "And stop worrying about everyone else. Extend enough grace to them to allow them figure it out on their own, in their own time, in their own way." 

 I'm still trying to make a decision on where I will spend my summer. I hear Oregon is gorgeous (breathtakingly perfect in summer) so I hope to take advantage of weekends between now and July 1. Then summer school will be over and I hope to hit the road. I've been accepted to a volunteer position in southern Spain (the Andalucia region) to work with Sunseed, an intentional community (ecovillage) on the edge of the desert for 6 weeks. I had hoped to go on to Morocco from there to begin setting up contacts for future projects and to work with indigenous tribes along the Sahara. Still trying to work out details. I had also considered trekking the ancient via francigena from Canterbury to Rome (or at least to the Gran San Bernardo Pass in Switzerland), taking my dog, Sam, along with me. I'm still tempted to do that... I've been entertaining the concept of silence and what that means in the context of oppression. Silence can be a profound tool of resistance (like when Jesus did not answer Pilate) or a tool used to oppress (like the Code of Silence, don't talk about abuse, pretend nothing bad is happening). 

 I have a feeling that I would have a lot of silence along the old pilgrimage trail.

 I've also been tossing around the idea of meeting with the Achuar Indians of the Andes (Ecuador and Peru) since I met Lynne Twist, cofounder of the Pachamama Alliance (www.pachamama.org) in Boston on April 10. Since then, I've gone on to one of the Pachamama Alliance seminars called "Awakening the Dreamer: Changing the Dream". So much of my own view of the world has shifted since I came to Portland at the end of September. If you had asked me then if I could envision myself being a facilitator at a Global Summit for the concept of Sufficiency, I would have laughed and probably thought you were a kook. And yet, I did indeed help facilitate discussions at MIT in Cambridge, MA just 2 weekends ago at the Global Sufficiency Summit. 

 All I know is that God is good. He directs my path in better ways than I ever could. I'm trying to stay open and flexible to his leading and trust that I will be where he wants me, when he wants me, meeting and encouraging those he entrusts to walk along this path, and that I'll have everything I need when I need it. It's a good place to be.

Spring (Quarter) is just around the corner!

Well, spring has sprung in Oregon for the last 6-7 weeks. A very mild winter, though we did have 3 days of cold weather this past week which threatened the lovely blossoming trees. We had sleet and snow, but the ground was so warm that it melted almost instantaneously.

I just finished setting most of the clocks forward (Daylight Savings Time or regular Time or whatever you call it is coming early this year! So we spring forward tonight. YAY!

I'm finishing up the winter quarter at Portland State University with spring break on the horizon- next week after finals. I'm staying in town (though I had hoped to go skiing at Mt Shasta) to nanny and to, hopefully, get a jump start on reading for the spring quarter, since I'll be taking more than a full load.

I'll be taking 13 hours of classes, plus working as a Graduate Assistant, plus volunteering in the community and working with a grad student group to develop leaders. I'm signed up for a ZUMBA class which should be a load of fun! I've begun tentative work toward my thesis (International Service-learning and its transformative effects). I'll be taking a class on Ghandi's peace education during summer school as well as a class on the theory and practice of sustainability. I will have nearly a week off between spring and summer (June 10-16). I hope to see the California branch of the family, either here in Oregon or there in California.

I considered hiking an ancient pilgrimage trail (the via francigena) from Canterbury to Rome (through the Alps)...or as far as I could go in the 75 days I will have off this summer, but am now considering working with Schools Without Borders in Morocco and Western Sahara.

Ha ha. Maybe it's just that I'm ready for some HEAT! I love Portland. We've had a very mild winter, but temps won't even begin to warm up here until August (or so I'm told). Once again, it looks like I'll miss summer in Portland which everyone assures me is the most gorgeous time of year to be here- sunshine all day, every day. One of the former nannies is returning for the summer any way, so she can take my apartment and I will pay only a portion of the rent to hold my apartment until I return next fall. (At least I hope all of this works out...we'll see...).

I found an intentional community in Spain -in the Andalucia region- which is reclaiming or greening the desert there through the application of permaculture techniques. I'm looking into working there for 5 weeks, setting up my research with volunteers and students who want to do service-learning, and learning more hands-on about how to reclaim the desert.

Then, I'd like to head to Morocco to work with some of the groups that have already begun building schools in remote areas and planting fruit trees.

Still not sure what to do with Sam (my dog). If I hiked the via francigena, I could take Sam along. I doubt he can accompany me in a Muslim country.... but I'd like to begin setting up contacts in Morocco so I can begin my research next year and set up some service-learning programs (think volunteers who reflect on their experiences in order to get the most out of them and learn how to be engaged, global citizens). It's kind of like study abroad or short-term mission trips or short-term volunteer trips which focus on what the student is learning about themselves, their assumptions, and new ways of thinking as well as helping and working with indigenous peoples.

I stumbled across a small organization of Moroccan citizens who came to the US, got their education, made their fortunes, and who have returned to the home country to build schools in remote, rural areas. Morocco Foundation is a very small group of committed citizens who are trying to build a better world. And you know how I just eat that stuff up! I've started making connections here with the Rotary Club and hope to be able to get them on board with Morocco Foundation (and Schools Without Borders) to educate kids in remote areas. Who knows? Maybe when I'm ready to start my PhD, I'll get a Fellowship or grant through the Rotary Club?

I've been inspired by the Greg Mortenson story, Three Cups of Tea- One man's mission to promote peace...one school at a time. I'd like to do with Morocco and Western Sahara what Greg has done in remote regions in Pakistan and Afghanistan. See www.threecupsoftea.com. And I'd like to bring along other students to learn and change and grow by helping them get the most out of their international experiences through partnering with indigenous peoples/tribes. Like Mortenson, I believe that if we can educate people (NOT indoctrinate with American ideals), simply educate people so they have options in life, fewer of them will turn to terrorism as a way out of their desperate existences. Think about this: Every major, oppressive ideology succeeds on the backbone of ignorance.

If we can educate people to embrace their heritage but also be open to other world views, we will eventually open the hearts and the minds of global citizens. I'm not explaining it well. I don't believe we need to "westernize" or even modernize remote regions, and certainly not if it means that we pillage and plunder their resources! But if we can help people see that there are many ways to tackle issues and problems, perhaps we can come up with sustainable solutions that work for each region (within the parameters of their culture).

And where those parameters have been oppressive in the past (or may even be oppressive now), we can begin a dialogue which addresses the root causes of oppression, allowing those good citizens to build new systems. Much like the work of Dr. Wangari Maathai in Kenya, she began to help people ask, "WHY does this oppressive regime continue? What can we, the marginalized, the disenfranchised, do about it?" And like Dr. Wangari, I want to plant trees. I've heard of success stories in reclaiming the Sahara desert! What if we could use permaculture techniques to make the deserts green once again? Dr. Wangari did this with women in Kenya. She encouraged them to simply begin by planting trees.

The rainforests of Kenya had been razed (cut down and burnt to the ground), leaving almost a desert in its once luscious place. Rivers dried up. But Dr. Wangari knew that trees purify air, create leaves and debris which hold moisture on the ground, and create shade and attract rain! She began a small program in the 1970s and 1980s with poor women. She taught them how to plant and care for trees, then paid them approximately 4 cents per tree which survived. Some of these women began to dig themselves out of poverty, making this tree-planting business their own business. Women had no rights. Eventually, they began to talk about how they could influence their government. They radically changed their government over a period of years (decades) by speaking out as mothers and wives. They worked within their culture to bring about change and liberation and empowerment for everyone. When we begin to empower the most fragile members of society, oppression will cease!

I've been inspired by the concept of co-intelligence. In essence, co-intelligence says that together we are a genius. You have strengths and areas of expertise which I do not. When we collaborate, we create something so much more empowering because everyone's voice has some wisdom to impart to the whole. The whole is more than the sum of its parts. And I've been delving into whole systems theories, too. I've begun meeting with mathmeticians and physicists to gain a better grasp of whole systems design and what that can mean for education, economics, medicine, peace movements, ecology, politics, etc.

In fact, I've been working with a group of student leaders to develop a sustainability leadership workshop in May 2010. We're also heading to MIT (eeek! very excited about that) in Cambridge, MA in April to attend and to help facilitate discussions at the Global Sufficiency Summit! www.globalsufficiency.org. Yeah! I even got a travel grant to pay for all the big expenses!

I hope you are doing well and that you are surrounded by friends! If I know you, you are making the most of every opportunity! You have such a way of making people feel loved. So, keep sucking the marrow out this life, Sister! I often think of the Broadway character, Mame. I can see her running around telling everyone: "Life is a feast and most poor sons-of-bitches are starving to death!"

Oh, good news! My boss at the Educational Leadership & Policy department offered me my job to continue in the fall! YAY! I'm on track at this point to complete my degree next winter. Then, I'll look at my options for the PhD or Ed D.

I love you and always believe the very best for you! Life really is going to get sweeter and richer as you pursue your bliss.

Revisiting School House Rock makes me happy...

I love the music and lyrics (even if they are from an egocentric, white, privileged viewpoint). The music of "Sufferin' till Suffrage" rocks!!!!

Here are the lyrics by Tom Yohe.

(Yeah! Hurray!)
Now you have heard of Women's Rights,
And how we've tried to reach new heights.
If we're "all created equal"...
That's us too!
(Yeah!)
But you will proba ... bly not recall
That it's not been too ... too long at all,
Since we even had the right to
Cast a vote.

(Well!)
Well, sure, some men bowed down and called us "Mrs." (Yeah!)
Let us hang the wash out and wash the dishes, (Huh!)
But when the time rolled around to elect a president...
What did they say, Sister, (What did they say?)

They said, uh, "See ya later, alligator,
And don't forget my ... my mashed potatoes,
'Cause I'm going downtown to cast my vote for president."

Oh, we were suffering until suffrage,
Not a woman here could vote, no matter what age,
Then the 19th Amendment struck down that restrictive rule. (Oh yeah!)

And now we pull down on the lever,
Cast our ballots and we endeavor
To improve our country, state, county, town, and school.
(Tell 'em 'bout it!)

Those pilgrim women who ...Who braved the boat
Could cook the turkey, but they ...They could not vote.
Even Betsy Ross who sewed the flag was left behind that first election day.
(What a shame, Sisters!)

Then Susan B. Anthony (Yeah!) and Julia Howe,
(Lucretia!) Lucretia Mott, (and others!) they showed us how;
They carried signs and marched in lines
Until at long last the law was passed.

Oh, we were suffering until suffrage,
Not a woman here could vote, no matter what age,
Then the 19th Amendment struck down that restrictive rule. (Oh yeah!)

And now we pull down on the lever,
Cast our ballots and we endeavor
To improve our country, state, county, town, and school. (Right On! Right On!)

Yes the 19th AmendmentStruck down that restrictive rule. (Right On! Right On!)
Yes the 19th AmendmentStruck down that restrictive rule.
(Yeah, yeah!
Yeah, yeah!
Right on!
We got it now!)
Since 1920...
Sisters, unite!
Vote on!

It's a classic with vocals by Essra Mohawk.

Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown!

Well, the holidays are nearly here. And I'm gearing up for a party with my student group and faculty from Portland State University. Theme is (officially): Hot Cocoa, Hot Tubbing, and Holiday Fun. Unofficially, it's Hot Toddies, Hot Tubbing and Holiday Fun.

Should be a good time with our Best (Worst, tackiest) holiday themed outfit, sweater or sweatshirt contest, plus karaoke contest, card games, billiards, and hot tubbing.

Plus, we're having a White Elephant Gift Exchange- perfect for all the Portlanders who LOVE to recycle. All they have to do is wrap an old, unused item from home and bring it for our Dirty Santa gift swap.

There will be a prize for the guest with the most holiday spirit, door prizes, music, and much more. I'm attaching a photo of one of the prizes, a Charlie Brown Christmas tree.

Merry Christmas, all!

Merry days ahead...

It's true. I'm gearing up for our holiday party with students and faculty at my house next week.

One of the great things about being back in grad school, and being surrounded by such mindful people, is that I often get asked:"What is your purpose? What do you want to accomplish?" or "If the rest of the world lived out your wish, what would it look like?"

I think my wish and deepest desire is to help create moments where people really connect with one another, where people experience whatever it means to be fully human. Often I try to create FUN moments. After all, it's the ability to laugh together that also allows us to be vulnerable with one another, to cry with one another or to rejoice with each other.

Case in point, my spiritual leadership class, though we often discussed meaningful subjects, I believe it was our ability to laugh with one another that created a safe space to be vulnerable as we shared our inmost thoughts and dreams.

When I host a party, be it a theme party or just Sunday brunch, I envision those one-on-one connections. I guess I'm a dreamer like John Lennon. I imagine world where we're all living together as one, where we embrace the moments, "livin' for today," because we know that tomorrow is not guaranteed. I suppose that is what mindful meditation is all about: recognizing that this moment is all I have. Now what am I going to do with it? What kinds of relationships can I develop in this moment? What kinds of relationships do I want? What kinds of seeds am I planting in others? I have THIS moment to plant a seed.

And sometimes, I have THIS moment to harvest the seeds I've already planted and cultivated.

Here's hopin' that you are living fully in this moment; that wherever you are, there you ARE! As for me, I'm off to plan next week's party, so that when the time comes, I can fully dedicate myself to getting to know each guest intimately by dreaming together with each one what is in his/her heart to do.

Here's to Martha, the do-er! I can obsess about all the details for the party so that each guest feels warmly welcome and at home. I can line up the food and the prizes and orchestrate the music and activities and decorations.

And here's to Mary, the be-er (NOT beer, though we'll have some of that, too)! I can simply BE at the party with each guest, listening to their hearts, laughing and joking, awarding prizes for the ones who are the most fully "in the moment"; for those who embrace the theme of the tackiest Christmas sweater or holiday outfit!

After all these years of hosting parties, I've found that those who put the most into the theme (costume, etc), have the most fun and get the most out of the moment! No embarrassment! We're all fools together! Ask my friend, Charlie Beal. I think he has won BEST costume at every party I've ever hosted (from Disco Stu at the 70's Disco bash to a knight in shining armor at the medieval, madrigal mascarade to a turbaned Sultan at the 1001 Arabian Nights party).

Charlie LIVES the theme: whatever you put into the moment is what you get! Here's hopin' that you put yourself, all your energies, all your attention, all of YOU into the moments. Carpe diem! Seize the day! If you do, I can guarantee ALL your days will be merry and bright!

Happy Thanksgiving everyday...

Yep, I'm still giving thanks for everything like hot chocolate, music from the 1970s (James Taylor, Chicago, Bread, Elton John, Tony Orlando, The Carpenters, Captain and Tennille, Anne Murray, John Denver), and so many songs from when I was a little kid.

I remember my older sister had a 45 rpm record player and single albums with songs like "Song Sung Blue", "Monday, Monday", "Seasons in the Sun"... Something by the Allman Brothers, the Osmonds, and Elton John. Oh, and ABC, 1-2-3 by the Jackson Five! I think the flip side was "One Bad Apple". Remember "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother (Osmonds?)"? ...and something by the Partridge Family.

Ah, good memories. I used to walk through the wheat fields singing all the angst-ridden love songs from my sister's record collection.

Oh, and remember those little transistor radios? I had a cool orange one. I loved mornings at our house. Dad always had the radio on in the mornings. I think KMOX even played some music back then. It was a mix of news-talk radio with a wake up call to the tune of "Seventy-six Trombones"or some rousing John Phillip Souza piece in the morning. I distinctly remember singing "Delta Dawn" along with the radio while locked down in the kitchen doing dishes.

So grateful for wonderful memories of my family. Sadly, we are scattered around the world.

Still thankful for the incredibly challenging courses and wonderful new colleagues to share new memories with (Yes, I know that's a dangling preposition). I'm looking forward to creating wonderful memories with friends and family this year and in the years to come.

Time Flies When You're Having Fun

It's sooo true.  I have been surprised by joy at every turn since I arrived in Oregon 8 weeks ago!

Last night, in class, the topic was gratitude.  Woo hoo!  I got to share with my class how my life has turned around since I really began to grasp what gratitude does for our attitudes.  

Now it might be easy to sum up my life's experiences in the past 6 months as gratitude + positive words =happy change in life's circumstances.  It might even seem like I'm preaching about a formula.  But the truth is, I earnestly sought God first and foremost.  I asked him to make HIS desires MY desires, so that when I asked for stuff, I was asking what HE wanted for me.

Partnering with God is not an option.  Jesus said that apart from him we could do nothing; that he is the vine, we are the branches.  So remaining tied in, connected to the source of life is KEY!

THEN add to that gratitude + positive words and hopes and dreams...and THEN eventually you'll see your circumstances turn around OR maybe you won’t.  Maybe your circumstances will still be the same, but your perspective will change!  

When I started this experiment, I also said like Job, "even if God slay me, I won't curse him."  I was committed to maintaining a faith-filled attitude which started with being grateful daily; FINDING something, anything to be grateful for on a daily basis.  And I realized that even if my circumstances DIDN'T turn around, that I would still be happier and more fulfilled because I was looking at the glass half-full or even 3/4 full! And eventually I saw my cup full and running over.  I began to be grateful for even the tiniest things; good weather, sunrises, a smile, the sound of laughter.  

I love what C.S. Lewis said, (paraphrased) I do not pray because it changes my circumstances.  I pray because it changes ME.

But the neat thing is this.  God honors his word.  So I decided to believe what Jesus said.  If Jesus said it, I began to trust that it could be my reality.  Jesus said that we would ask for anything in his name and it would be given to us.  He said that what we believe in our hearts and SPEAK with our mouths would become reality!  Some call this a "name it and claim it" philosophy.  I think it’s more self-fulfilling prophecy.  What we say about ourselves tends to come true.  You know what I mean.  What’s that old saying?  “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, either way, you’re right.”  What you think you are capable of, you are right.  If you’ve already made up your mind that you can’t, well, you can’t. 

What I sought God for first, then got ahold of with my spirit and developed a grateful attitude about, then spoke with my mouth ( I prayed for it, I wrote down what I wanted, I told others what I wanted) came true.  So many of the things I asked for and believed that I would actually get, have already come to pass.  I can't wait to see the rest of my dreams come true.  But they didn’t come to me the way I thought.  In fact, my circumstances did change.  But then, our circumstances ALWAYS change.  Nothing remains the same forever.  So you could argue that my positive thinking and my words did nothing to affect my situation, and you might be right.  What I do know is that my perspective changed, my attitudes changed.  I was a joyful person again.  

But the good news is that Jesus didn't just say, "Whatever Gigi wants and believes will be reality."  He said that anyone could ask our heavenly Father and it would be done.

Here's hoping that you dig to know Christ a little deeper and that all your dreams become realities.  

Here’s hoping that we never forget that even if our circumstances don’t change like we hoped, that even then because we practice gratitude, our hearts will be changed, our attitudes will be refreshing.  So, no this isn’t really prescriptive.  This is NOT a formula of  Gratitude + Positive Words = happy circumstances.  No, if you are looking for a formula,  it’s more like gratitude + positive words= happier me with the ability to recognize the good around me and accept changes as they come my way with grace and joy and hope.  

Looking Backwards (a work decidedly NOT by Edward Bellamy, though perhaps a bit utopian just the same)

I just re-read a few of my original posts from June when I first started this experiment in happiness.  Everything I asked for is coming true!   Every dream to which I tenaciously clung, every positive declaration, every hope for a better future is here NOW!  

I am more convinced than ever that Jesus wasn't messin' around when he told us that what we believe in our hearts and what we ask for or speak with our mouths WILL be done by our heavenly Father.

People look at my life right now and say things like, "WOW!  how did you end up living in such an amazing place?  We've lived here for years and always dreamed that we could afford a place up there on the hill." Or "how did you get a paid graduate assistantship with a tuition remission?  Those are so hard to come by right now with University budget cuts..."  Or "how are you able to give generously to others when you had NOTHING only 7 weeks ago?"

It is amazing how things have turned out.  I'm so joyful and grateful.  I feel like I'm saying "Thank you" non-stop.  First, let me say that I am deeply indebted to my family and friends who helped me out.

But if you want to know why things are finally working out for me, after years of hardship and struggle, go back and read the first month of entries in this blog.  I'm simply beginning to reap the harvest of my words and the intentions of my heart (with the grace of God).  It's no real credit to me.

I just finally decided to believe that God is not a liar.  And if he's not a liar, then there must be some truth about what he said about the attitudes of our hearts and the words of our mouths in creating realities.  But you can read all about my thoughts on the Grand Unifying Element and laws of the Universe from my blogs in June.  

All I can say is that if it worked for me, it can work for you, too.  Don't believe me?  Try it for yourself.  What kind of realities do you create with your words?  Are you living the life you want?  What kinds of things do you believe about yourself?  What kinds of words are coming out of your mouth?  I'm just now reaping the harvest of the words I spoke this past June.  It may not happen overnight, this shift in the universe, but it will bring joy to your heart if you let it.

Now before you throw me out as a heretic, go back and read the blogs from the beginning.  I'm only summing up a bit here and hoping to challenge you to think about what comes out of your mouth.  Are you verbally vomiting on everyone around you?  Or are you encouraging yourself and others?  You CAN change your mind, change your life, and change your world!

Just breathing...

Viphasana meditation or mindfulness meditation is as simple as breathing in and breathing out.  There are other types of meditation in which one tries to shift an object with one's mind.  But mindful meditation is as simple as choosing to be aware of one's own self.

So for the purposes of my own observations, today I am focusing on...well, on me!  I'm doing an exercise in stream of consciousness writing.  You've been warned!  I write every bit as tediously  as M. Honore de Balzac, though, obviously, without his charming, eccentric characters.  

As I breathe in and out slowly, I am aware that my breathing is a bit congested.  My neck and back are a bit sore.  I smell my pumpkin spice coffee and wonder why none of the coffee I've had lately tastes as good as it smells.  Oops...back to me.

Sit up straight, relax.  Breathe in.  Breathe out.  We can't survive for more than 3 minutes without air.  I feel the air filling my lungs.  Oxygen (and a teeny bit of nitrogen) is absorbed by my lungs alveoli which push this life-giving oxygen into my bloodstream.  It's amazing how God created this planet for carbon-based life forms.  Our bodies are factories which take raw materials like carbons (in the form of foods) and oxygen from the air and break it down into molecules to be absorbed by the body to produce energy.

But, I'm supposed to be calming my mind, not getting all excited over the miracle of life.  Breathe in slowly, exhale slowly. 

I push aside thoughts of everything that has happened in the past few days or things on my radar for the near future; new job, new schedule, projects and papers which are due next week, reading assignments which must be completed... 

Breathe in....I'm grateful for a new life.

Breathe out...I want to share my joy with others.

Breathe in....Be still.

Breathe out...Focus on the air leaving my lungs.

Breathe in...If I can be still long enough, maybe I can hear God whispering.

Breathe out... Maybe I can hear what my body has been trying to tell me, like 'I need protein or good shoes or a warmer sweater.'

Breathe in....I AM GRATEFUL!

Breathe out... I'm thankful for so much.

Breathe in... Shhhhhh!

Breathe out... It's time to be quiet and listen.

Breathe in... my pulse is slowing.

Breathe out...

Embrace the Paradox

"Embrace the paradox" has become my new mantra.  What does one do with inconsistencies in one's life?  My friend, Sarah, is uber-sensitive (and I mean that in a good way) to what she calls hypocrisy.  But hypocrisy is in all of us, right?  We intend, even declare, that we should live one way and find ourselves doing the very opposite of our intensions.

So, how do I embrace the paradox?  What does that mean for me?  Can I reconcile two seemingly opposed realities or ideals?  I asked this of myself as I entered the Miao Fa Chan Buddhist Temple on Sunday morning.  I was kindly directed to the "English" service where the head monk, Fa Thai, was leading a small group in silent meditation.

I quickly slipped off my shoes, tiptoed across the back of the room, found a cushion to sit on and joined the others on the floor.  Then, I just sat in silence.  I felt my pulse slow down and thanked God for another opportunity to embrace people from a different culture.  As I sat, I became aware of my body, feeling the aches and pains that sitting on the floor can bring.  I was aware that my feet were bare and cold and looked dry.  I tried to cover them with my long skirt.  I concentrated on my breathing, then opened my eyes to really take the time to look at the room I was in, remembering that one mantra in meditation is to be "fully present."

At the front of the room, in front of an altar of sorts with flowers and foods on it, sat Fa Thai in his gold and brown robes.  He sat cross legged on the floor with palms up, looking relaxed.  Behind him were enormous golden statues of Buddha and two other Chinese Gods (?).  One looked like the household god with red face and angry beard, the other looked like a woman deity wielding a sword, while in the middle was the central god with multiple arms to bring justice and mercy.  I thought of how Jesus said he came to bring a sword and yet, he is the prince of Peace.  And how he delivers justice and mercy.  

After 10 minutes or so, Fa Thai quietly began to talk about mindfulness.  He talked about breathing, being aware of one's own body.  He even mentioned the pain one feels after a few minutes if sitting still.  He spoke of suffering in this body, nirvana and dharma (or compassion) and non-violence.  He asked questions of those gathered there.  The atmosphere was gentle and welcoming.  Participants could ask questions of the monk.  It was more of a dialogue than a diatribe.

And that's when I had my first revelation or cultural insight.  In Western culture, we place "authorities" above us, yet here was a spiritual leader sitting down on the floor and talking WITH those who were gathered.  In most western churches, we place our leaders on platforms, above the people so they can talk AT the people.  Is it any wonder that so many of our leaders are able to manipulate and abuse those given to their charge????  When we place pastors on pedestals and call them "authorities" OVER us, is it any surprise that so many of them get big heads and run amuck??  Hmmm...interesting.  I wonder if Jesus always tried to stand OVER people, physically, to impress on them that HE was the great teacher?  I tend to think not.

Now as I understand paradox, we must embrace both.  One way is not better than the other.  In certain situations, the western tradition of placing a speaker or leader ABOVE the crowd is just more practical. In other situations, the eastern way of sitting on the same level as the crowd would be more practical.

After a few chants and prayers and offerings (Fa Thai explained the 'why' behind each action), Fa Thai stood and took a simple silver or tin bowl filled with water.  He dipped a small bundle of reeds in it and 'shook' a blessing over the crowd.  Now, some Christians would be offended that I allowed the monk to bless me with his Buddhist blessing, but I figure that kind wishes and good thoughts are always welcome, no matter the source.  And water has always been symbolic in the church as a cleansing.  So I celebrated the blessing.

Afterward, Fa Thai met with anyone who wanted to speak to him.  I introduced myself and asked if he would be willing to address my class.  He graciously accepted and then invited me to stay for a vegetarian lunch. 

I decided to stay and meet the others, perhaps find out their stories.  Besides, the temple was filled with Chinese, Vietnamese, and Thai people....I knew the food would be good!  Now, in the Buddhist tradition, food is offered to the ancestors first, then the monks, then the parishioners.

It's amazing how little the ancestors eat!  ha ha ha  Again, I was struck by the concept of the Christian tradition of the "communion of saints" and how this must be much closer to the original tradition in the church than our modern, total disregard of those who have gone on before us.  Are we or are we not surrounded by a "great crowd of witnesses"?  hmmm...more food for thought...so to speak...

Now the monks must eat first, because they are only allowed to eat before noon each day.  After that, they fast.  So if the monks at the temple do not eat by noon, they must wait until the next day to eat.  

I met people of all backgrounds from China, Thailand, Taiwan, and all over the US.  It was an eclectic bunch which gathered there.  Each had come for their own reasons and had decided to stay.  I was there as an observer, but if I am to get the most out of my experience, then I must embrace what my conscience will allow.  I am there to learn how I can grow as a follower of Christ.  What practices or principles will help my faith to grow?  Which ones will challenge my assumptions?  Can God speak to me in a Buddhist temple?  Absolutely!  What a joy to be among such diverse people!!!