Thanksgiving

 Well, it’s late November and all of my siblings are gathering for the first time since my father passed away in 2018.  One sib lives overseas, three live in the south, and two of us live on the west coast.  As always with family gatherings, it can be stressful as old grievances pop up, egos puff up, the need to be right rears its ugly head, and generally, we have a tendency to trigger each other emotionally.  

To be honest, I’ve already snipped back at one sibling several times.  So today, I need to heed my own advice and focus on gratitude.  Gratitude has a way of changing our perspective.  It might not change my circumstances, but it changes me!  Start with small stuff.  

Today, I’m grateful for coffee.  What else?  I am grateful that we could all get together.  Grateful that my mom is doing better.  Grateful for the two siblings who care for my mom daily.   I’m grateful for a cool, cloudy day in the south.  Reminds me of Thanksgiving in my youth.  

As I remember to be in a state of gratitude, I feel my defenses softening.  I’m grateful that my younger sibling is here. We share similar-ish worldviews.  That sense of solidarity, in an environment of overwhelmingly harsh and hostile worldviews, is reassuring.   And if I remember to relax, smile, and breathe, my whole attitude changes and softens.  

I no longer enjoy conversations about politics or religion.  Good lord!  When I think of how certain I was in my youth of the duality of the world!  (Shudder). How off-putting that must have been as I declared everything black or white, good or bad, either/or.  I do feel empathy for my classmates and friends and family over the years who so kindly put up with my declarative statements and tiny, restrictive worldview.   And I am reminded of how many truly gentle and sweet people have been in my life…and I am grateful.  

We’ve had a nice journey so far.  On Monday, we stopped in to visit a former colleague of one sibling.  Sister Kathleen and her cousin, Sister Sheila, are Irish Catholic nuns who reside at the Villa de Mattel convent in Houston, Texas.  We had a lovely tour and visit.  Sister Kathleen, now 96 years young, emphatically stated that I must return, that I was called to be a nun, and that the convent was the place for me.  I’ll admit.  I’ve often entertained the idea of becoming a nun.  And the 70-80 acre compound in Houston was a dream with its 100 year old brick buildings, beautiful chapels, archives building, retreat center, retreat cottages, hermitage, labyrinth and forest paths.  I could certainly see myself gardening, helping with retreats (whether Catholic or not), and helping there.  Though, I am not Catholic, nor do I feel a need for organized religion in my own life.  However, I see the value for others who feel that need for community connection through church.  

While I may no longer hold any of the same beliefs I grew up with, I recognize that those beliefs provide comfort for others.  My own spiritual journey and subsequent transformation have taken a lifetime.  I can hardly expect others to be on the same path to enlightenment.  I have to allow others to find their own way.  This reminds me of the first principle of enlightenment: stop judging.  Judge not, lest you be judged.

And my second mantra for my own benefit is: forgive.  Let it go.  Don’t hold on to offenses.  

And finally, “you can be right or you can have peace.”  Choose peace.