You are not your thoughts...

But your thoughts can sure distract you! 

My sister wrote this reminder in response to my 30 day challenge: "Don't believe everything you think."

Literally, ten seconds before I opened my email account and saw this email, I said to myself as a reminder, "Just because you think something's  so, don't make it so" (said with a strong Southern accent).  I had just re-read Philippians 4:8, "Whatever is TRUE"....

I was thinking about a time when I was younger that God convicted me that I was twisting other people's words and taking offense at things that hadn't even happened.  You know how we role play in our heads? Someone offends us and we start to obsess about the incident and then start practicing conversations... "She will say this nasty thing to me ...and then I'll say this and put her in her place...and then she'll say something really mean to me and I'll be ready with a sharp retort...." kind of thing.... And I was in the middle of a role play in my head, when God reminded me of Phil 4:8.  "Whatever is true..."  I was getting myself all emotionally worked up over an incident that hadn't even occurred  except in my head.  I was carrying the original offense around and letting it eat me up inside, because I wasn't focused on reality.  

Or the time a woman at church came up to me, she was all angry and said, "I need to forgive you."  I was shocked.  I considered her a friend or at least a good acquaintance.  I had never had an unpleasant word with her or ever said anything negative around her or to her.  She said, "Last Sunday, I said 'Hi' to you in the lobby of the church and you just snubbed me."  I had no idea or any recollection of the incident.  I sincerely told her I was sorry she was offended, but that I would never have purposely ignored her.  I asked her if that was typical of her experience with me.  Had she known me to be snobbish before then or a friendly, outgoing person?  She stomped off.  She hadn't really forgiven me.  The offense was all in her head, and I had a feeling she wanted to hang on to it.

Not long ago, I held a small seminar at PSU for students and community members.  An elderly, overweight woman wearing coke-bottle bottom glasses showed up about 40 minutes after we had begun our session.  I welcomed her and invited her to a seat in one of our small group discussions.  She walked with a cane and had numerous large book bags and was trying to balance a plate of food.  As she began to sit down, it was obvious to all of us around her that in her poor depth perception, she going to miss the chair completely.  My sweet friend, Marcus, jumped up to push the chair UNDER her butt.  She saw him out of the corner of her eye and accused him of trying to move the chair out from under her.  He told her that he was trying to help her.  We moved on to the discussion, but she stewed over that moment.  When we all returned to the large group discussion about 20 minutes later, she stood up and denounced all of us, saying that we were basically out to get her and that she didn't appreciate it.  She accused Marcus of trying to pull the chair out from under so as to reject her and keep her from participating in the discussion.  Later, I tried to explain to her that her perception was incorrect.  We had tried to help her.  As she walked away muttering and angry, I realized that if you are looking for a fight, you'll find one.  If you are looking to be offended  you won't be disappointed.  Whatever we expect in others, that's what we'll get (whether it's reality or not, it becomes our reality).  Self-fulfilling prophecy all over again.  Our perceptions create "realities" in our heads, but those realities may not be the whole truth.

Paul said we all see through a glass darkly, we only see in part and know in part.  None of us has the whole truth.  (I Cor 13).  He goes on to say, "No one knows the thoughts of a man, except the spirit of man which is in him" (I Cor. 2:11).  In other words, no one is a mind reader.  To think that we know another's person's thoughts or motivations is pure hubris.  We deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us (I John 1 & 2).

As Eckhart Tolle says in  A New Earth, we get caught up in our own heads, in our thinking and perceptions (ego) so much so that we can convince ourselves that everything we think is right or the only version of reality, when the truth or reality is far from us. People who are depressed or angry or worried all the time can literally change the chemical makeup in their brains, so that they can no longer see the whole picture.  All they see is the world through their warped, negative lens.  Dr Daniel Amen, in Healing the Hardware of the Soul, has done extensive brain imaging research and has found that there is always hope.  There are ways to improve brain health, and thus emotional, spiritual, and relational health.  According to Amen, one of the tools for overcoming brain dysfunction and becoming whole, healthy people is to focus on gratitude.  It is one way to retrain the brain's neuropathways and get out of the old ruts and brain patterns of negativity.

Most of us struggle with this from time to time.  My goal is to recognize those old ways of thinking and to be proactive about seeing a bigger picture, to be open to other perspectives, to make a point of understanding, not just trying to prove myself "right".

Are our thoughts controlling us or can we control our thoughts?  What kinds of realities are we creating with our expectations?  The Bible says, "as a man thinks in his heart, so is he."  Proverbs 3 says that if we want to live life as healthy, prosperous, attractive people, we must be loving and faithful ("this will win you favor and a good name with God AND people", vs. 4), humble and open to other perspectives, discerning and wise, gracious and generous.  The reward for living like this and having this kind of attitude is "health to your body and nourishment to your bones",  "they will be life for you and an ornament to grace your neck, Then you will go on in safety" (vs. 22-23), and we will have God's blessing and grace and confidence to know that God will honor those who live with integrity.  

Today's goal is to create a gratitude list.  Focus on what you have.  Focus on something good or kind or funny.  Focus on how you want others to perceive you.  Dr Amen (2002) writes, "Focus on people, events, and things you are grateful for each day.  Direct your mind to the good things in your life-- to your health, your relationships, your joys, your interests, your abilities.  If you are depressed, your mind will naturally turn to negative feelings, thoughts, and ideas.  Training your mind to focus on gratitude will have a profound effect on your mood and health" (p.202, Healing the Hardware of your Soul).  He goes on to say that "people are as contagious as viruses" (p.202).  

We can infect others with our verbal vomiting or we can infect them with joy!  Let us choose joy and life and wholeness today.

Verbal vomiting disease and hope for a cure!

Hi all!

Hope you are doing well.  I know most of us are in the midst of a transition right now which often brings great anxiety. I've been feeling like I need another 30 day happiness experiment.  The point of this exercise is to spend 30 days focusing on the glass half full (or even abundantly filled and overflowing), rather than focusing on the negative (or lack or what we don't have or can't do).

I know this made a huge change in my life in 2009.  In June 2009, I determined to spend 30 days "fasting" all negative thoughts and focusing on the kind of life and relationships I wanted. More than anything, I knew I needed to change my stinkin' thinkin'. I recognized that I had fallen into the rut of thinking "I can't" about everything, like "I can't get a job.  I can't lose weight.  I'm stuck.  I can't...."  I had an excuse for why I couldn't do almost everything.

But as you probably recall, I had a dream, an epiphany in which I dared to believe that maybe Jesus wasn't lying when he said that our words had power: the power of life and death, the power to move mountains when coupled with our faith, that nothing was impossible for those who believe, that ALL things were possible, that we could tell a fig tree to shrivel up and die or speak life to it, and it would happen.  I realized that if I did not change my thought process, my life would continue to be one big, negative, self-fulfilling prophecy.  

Even though I did not see actual, physical change in my circumstances for 3+ months, I fully believe that it changed the way I saw the world and I was a much more joyful and attractive person because I was happy.  And my circumstances did change, too, eventually, thanks to some of you who helped.  By the end of October 2009, I had moved to Portland, moved into a fabulous home within walking distance of university, and had a graduate assistantship which paid my tuition and a small stipend (which covers my rent and phone bill).  All of which I had prayed for and thanked God for in advance.  

I know it might sound like "name it and claim it" theology, but even the media understands the power of words to bring to life or death and to change or shape realities.

What kind of person do you want to be?  How do you want to be remembered?

Do you look like a grumpy face? 

Or like a jubilant person? 

 

So I'm asking you to join me for 30 days of finding things to laugh about, rejoicing, gratitude, and no complaining or negative thoughts.  If you have a negative thought, do as the apostle Paul suggested, "take every thought captive", acknowledge it and move on.  Don't stay there and let it fester and become a cancer in your soul. Deuteronomy says "let no root of bitterness spring up among you and so defile many."  In other words, spreading my bitterness around and grumbling and complaining is like a contagious nasty disease. I call it V.V. disease. Verbal Vomiting.  Gross!  Instead, the Bible instructs us to "choose life that you may live."

I, personally, apologize for contributing to this disease by judging and complaining and saying negative things.  But, it's time for a fresh start, a new beginning. The key to stopping the old negative thinking though, is to replace it with fresh, positive, grateful thinking.  So if you're having trouble blocking out all those fears, worries, anxieties, anger, and bitterness, begin by focusing on what you are grateful for.  You can find at least one thing for which you are grateful.  For me, it's as simple as "I'm grateful for a roof over my head and a cup of coffee."  Focus on what you have.  No more thinking about what you aren't or what you don't have.  I'm grateful I have body which works.  I can walk, see, talk, hear, communicate, etc.  I'm alive.  

If you want to join me, I am reading through the book of Philippians every day for the next 30 days.  It's only 4 chapters long but it is rich and powerful and full of hope and pure joy. It's about humility and perseverance, overcoming the "impossibles", and purposely choosing our thoughts, controlling our words, forgetting the past, and being transformed into the kind of people we want to be.

If you want to shine like a star in the universe, if you want to be attractive and inspiring to others, read Philippians chapter 2 for the key!

You might be skeptical and think I'm a nut job or just plain wacky, but I know that I'm a happier, more content person when I dare to see the possibilities in the universe rather only the impossibilities.  I dare you to try this with me for 30 days.  What can it hurt?  At the very least, you, too, will be happier and more pleasant and attractive because you aren't verbally vomiting on other people like I have done.  

I love you all and appreciate you and am believing the best for you.

Life on purpose 2013

So hard to believe that it has been nearly a year since I posted in Happy Snowflake Dance!  In January and February of this year, I headed back to south India to act as program coordinator and co-instructor for Service-Learning in India,  graduate level courses in international service-learning, through Portland State University.  The first course (4 grad credits) took just over 2 weeks, while the 2nd course (also 4 credits) was a more intensive 5-day class at RUSS Foundation.  We had a wonderful, powerful group of women this year, making the experience rich and insightful on a whole new level.

I'll post more soon about the details of the trip.  I'm currently writing a paper on spirituality in international service-learning, focused on "cultivating the sacred".

It's nearing the end of March, most of my family is in transition, as am I...and it feels like time again for another 30 day happiness experiment; time to focus on what I want, and how and who I want to be in this world.  I hope my family will join me in this journey.

As always, I still believe that gratitude changes everything.  If not our circumstances (which I think it can do that, too, on some level, if only in the way others perceive us or respond to us), it changes our perceptions of the world.  As old Zig Ziglar used to say, sometimes you've got to "change your stinkin' thinkin'."

I've been reading the book of Philippians again and finding great inspiration and hope.

So here's to another 30 days of changing perceptions, daring to dream, living life on purpose, and changing our own realities.