Thanksgiving

 Well, it’s late November and all of my siblings are gathering for the first time since my father passed away in 2018.  One sib lives overseas, three live in the south, and two of us live on the west coast.  As always with family gatherings, it can be stressful as old grievances pop up, egos puff up, the need to be right rears its ugly head, and generally, we have a tendency to trigger each other emotionally.  

To be honest, I’ve already snipped back at one sibling several times.  So today, I need to heed my own advice and focus on gratitude.  Gratitude has a way of changing our perspective.  It might not change my circumstances, but it changes me!  Start with small stuff.  

Today, I’m grateful for coffee.  What else?  I am grateful that we could all get together.  Grateful that my mom is doing better.  Grateful for the two siblings who care for my mom daily.   I’m grateful for a cool, cloudy day in the south.  Reminds me of Thanksgiving in my youth.  

As I remember to be in a state of gratitude, I feel my defenses softening.  I’m grateful that my younger sibling is here. We share similar-ish worldviews.  That sense of solidarity, in an environment of overwhelmingly harsh and hostile worldviews, is reassuring.   And if I remember to relax, smile, and breathe, my whole attitude changes and softens.  

I no longer enjoy conversations about politics or religion.  Good lord!  When I think of how certain I was in my youth of the duality of the world!  (Shudder). How off-putting that must have been as I declared everything black or white, good or bad, either/or.  I do feel empathy for my classmates and friends and family over the years who so kindly put up with my declarative statements and tiny, restrictive worldview.   And I am reminded of how many truly gentle and sweet people have been in my life…and I am grateful.  

We’ve had a nice journey so far.  On Monday, we stopped in to visit a former colleague of one sibling.  Sister Kathleen and her cousin, Sister Sheila, are Irish Catholic nuns who reside at the Villa de Mattel convent in Houston, Texas.  We had a lovely tour and visit.  Sister Kathleen, now 96 years young, emphatically stated that I must return, that I was called to be a nun, and that the convent was the place for me.  I’ll admit.  I’ve often entertained the idea of becoming a nun.  And the 70-80 acre compound in Houston was a dream with its 100 year old brick buildings, beautiful chapels, archives building, retreat center, retreat cottages, hermitage, labyrinth and forest paths.  I could certainly see myself gardening, helping with retreats (whether Catholic or not), and helping there.  Though, I am not Catholic, nor do I feel a need for organized religion in my own life.  However, I see the value for others who feel that need for community connection through church.  

While I may no longer hold any of the same beliefs I grew up with, I recognize that those beliefs provide comfort for others.  My own spiritual journey and subsequent transformation have taken a lifetime.  I can hardly expect others to be on the same path to enlightenment.  I have to allow others to find their own way.  This reminds me of the first principle of enlightenment: stop judging.  Judge not, lest you be judged.

And my second mantra for my own benefit is: forgive.  Let it go.  Don’t hold on to offenses.  

And finally, “you can be right or you can have peace.”  Choose peace.  

On the subject of god, gender, and music

A note about names and references to God

While language is a wonderful tool that allows us to understand and to experience many different facets of life and religion, language can also be limiting. When it comes to references to God, we have been taught that God is a man. It's not surprising in a male-dominated society.  But we are beginning to see that people can now express their view of God in many ways.  Some see God as goddess or mother.  Others see God as father, brother, friend, counselor, or teacher. No matter how you view God, our language will always be somewhat limiting.  Even the use of the word "God" implies a male gender to a spiritual being or deity, which is so far beyond our human comprehension. 

It's human nature to try to label and categorize.  It is, however, tricky when we try to define the limitless.  Spirit, as we learn in Galatians 3:28, has no gender, no nationality, no race, no identity as we know it in physical form, and yet, this does not stop us from assigning our own human attributes to an invisible, immortal, omniscient, omnipresent being. To be "in Christ" is to let go of all those labels and be one in the Spirit.  But we still fall into the limiting, finite world of language and words to describe our understanding of this indescribable being. 

As a musician and worship leader, I try to avoid gendered references to "God".  I do not remove ALL references, because our language does not permit that, really.  For some people, God is a loving Father.  I also recognize that for many souls, the idea of God as Father might be problematic, if their own earthly father was problematic or abusive.  For many who suffered abuse by others in some form of earthly authority, it can be hard to relate to "god" as Father, Priest, or authority.  So, sometimes, I will substitute gendered language in our songs with gender-neutral language, if possible.  Sometimes, I substitute male words or pronouns with female ones, e.g. for "he", I might replace it with she, they, or You.  Sometimes I leave them in.  Because we all relate to God/Goddess/Creator differently.  

So don't be offended if someone refers to this immortal being as god or goddess or brother or sister, or friend or any other name, because the "I am that I am" defies all human labels. 

As another example, in the song "Good, Good Father", I replace the words "good, good Father" in subsequent choruses with "mother" or friend", so that in some way, each person might be able to relate to the Creator in a different way.  

Whatever language you are comfortable with, in describing the indescribable, use it with joy. And don't judge those who might use other language to describe the indescribable "I am that I am", because that is just how they relate to God/Goddess/Father/Mother/Priest/Friend. 

I'll write more in the future on re-writing old lyrics to try to remove references to Christ as "king, Lord, authority" etc, as Jesus was adamantly AGAINST having power over people or abusing authority.  These references seeped into the Christian language and worldview centuries after Jesus died. And we can still see the malicious, destructive threads still working their evil in our world today: social injustice, gender inequality, ecological domination, devastation of other species and ruination (yes, I just used "ruination", mwah ha ha!), the growing disparity between rich and poor, etc.