September is here… and my friend, Rusty, challenged me to write an original blues song for our band, The T Street Band, based out of Corona, CA. Things are beginning to take off for the band. It’s rewarding to be able to play and make music with this amazing group of musicians.
I’m gearing up our marketing campaign for a bigger push at the new year: creating marketing materials, graphic design, contracts, social media, and reaching out to our wonderful fan base. Our fans are our friends. They are dear, sweet people who want to make the most of life, celebrate the ordinary, and dance the night away. What could be better? I can’t think of a more fulfilling way to spend my weekends!
As always, I never seem to have enough time to do everything I need or want. I’m also singing with another band since April, Music Masters Big Band from Upland. We have a gig in October and the rehearsals are a great challenge. I do enjoy singing jazz, swing, jive, and big band tunes. But if I’m honest, the dynamics of the band are strained and not fun right now. But I’m not one to give up easily, so I’m sticking with them at least through the end of the year. If the vibe of the band does not change, I will gladly surrender my position to another vocalist. I’m sure they can find someone more qualified. But for now, I split my time by learning new songs for big band Monday through Wednesday, and new songs for the blues band Thursday through Saturday.
In March, I decided to take a one year Sabbatical from leading worship with the contemporary band at my little episcopal church. Though the music director has retired since then, and the church seems in desperate need of help, I just can’t let myself be dragged back in to yet another series of rehearsals and volunteering non-stop. I’ve learned that no one should be dependent on me to volunteer to do everything. It’s okay to say, “No.” If I volunteer for everything, then other people who could be stepping up never do. They think, “Oh, someone else will do it.” But I’m taking a break from donating all of my free time, though I’ve been happy to share my time and talents for decades. So, I’m saying, “no.” Some people have tried to pressure me to come back, but I’m done with toxic Christianity, always demanding more. It’s never enough, is it? And maybe it’s less about others pressuring me, as it was my own inner drive, always feeling like I’m not enough, I don’t do enough. So, I’m letting go. And kudos to my priest, the Rev. Keith Yamamoto, who never pressures anyone. Sweet.
Soooo, back to the challenge to write original songs for the blues band…Challenge accepted! I figured if I could write poetry, I could at least write lyrics for a song. So I started with a basic 12 bar blues tune. You can’t plagiarize 12 bar blues, because almost all blues is based on this musical riff.
Now, the reason Rusty Wise (lead guitar) and I started The T Street Band about a year ago is because we both share a love of playing the blues. It sounds like an oxymoron to say I LOVE the blues, it makes me happy, but it does! There’s something about it, for me, that helps me celebrate life. Our joy in playing the blues tends to shine through. But what to write about?
I recently heard a phrase in a Brazilian series, “the past is like old clothes that don’t fit anymore”. I was struck by this turn of phrase. It’s definitely in line with my own mantra of letting go of the past and expectations of the future to live in the moment. So, in keeping with the common thread of angst in blues music, I wrote “Old Shoe Blues”. The refrain goes something like:
Got them old shoe blues when you walked out the door
Got them old shoe blues, don’t wanna see you no more.
I thought I- needed you, but now I see that your
Love’s like an old pair of shoes that just don’t fit anymore.
Eh, it’s a work in progress. I wonder if other songwriters write and re-write and re-write and keep tweaking their songs….do they ever feel like, “That’s the best I can do, that song cannot be improved upon”? Because I feel like I need to keep changing it. Mind you, I’m sure they edit and revise songs, but I never quite feel like it’s complete.
Then, I felt inspired again to write another song. Now, my brother-in-law kept pressing me for an explanation of the inspiration behind my second blues tune, “If You’re Looking For A Fight, You’ll Find It”, but I’m not dumb enough to look for a fight. LOL! It deals with toxic Christians who go around trying to make the world into their own image, and who are never happy. Obviously, toxic personalities are NOT only drawn to religion or Christianity. Gosh, 99% of humans are toxic, always unhappy, complaining, negative people who judge life, the world, and everyone “else”, and can’t see that we are all connected. I mean, keeping it real now, I still fall into that old mindset from time to time. Hopefully, I am waking up more often and recognizing my own judgments.
So, for those who would ask, “Isn’t it hypocritical to write a song about hypocrites?” Yes! It definitely is! I am a hypocrite! LOL. Aren’t we all? You know the old expression, “I just can’t tolerate intolerant people”, right?! I laugh because I can see my own weakness in this song about hypocrisy. One of the inspirations for this song I’ve mentioned before in this blog. I’ve told the story before of the elderly woman who used to show up at our Portland State Sustainability Leaders Network conferences which were free and open to the public. This poor woman could not see. She wore “coke bottle bottom” glasses, glasses so thick, it was a miracle she could see at all. Mr Magoo had nothing on this woman, avoiding self-inflicted near disasters due to severe myopia.
Anyway, she showed up at one of our conferences very late, helped herself to a plate of food, and holding her various bags on her arms, made her way to our discussion circle. When she began to sit down though, it was obvious to ALL of us that she was going to miss her chair completely. Her depth perception must have been way off. So, my dear, sweet friend Marcus jumped up to push her chair under her butt, saving her the embarrassment of falling on the floor. Anyone in a healthy frame of mind would have thanked him for being so kind. But she saw him out of the corner of eye and accused him over and over throughout the meeting of trying to take the chair out from under her! No matter how many times we explained that Marcus was being kind and helpful, she refused to believe the truth. Her truth was that people were out to get her and no one could convince her otherwise. That day, I learned the valuable lesson that you get what you are looking for. That woman was looking for rejection, and even though it was not the truth, she found it anyway, in spite of everyone being kind and respectful to her.
Truth be told, I had overheard a friend the other day, listening to yet another conspiracy theory and bemoaning the downfall of the United States, and I couldn’t help but chuckle to myself. It’s just so funny that we get so worked about everything and nothing. It seems most people are in a constant state of fear, anger, and honestly, titillation about the past or the future, but never living in the only moment in time which actually-and this is reality- exists…NOW!
LOL. Apparently, every human on the planet is a victim of some injustice or another. I’m not saying some people don’t have real suffering. But it seems to me that most of our suffering is in our mindset. It’s all a matter of how we look at suffering. I know it’s possible to actually have peace in the midst of suffering. In fact, we can even find joy sometimes in the midst of it, if we can see the much bigger picture of existence. At the very least, we can find acceptance in the midst of suffering. That’s the good news.
So I wrote “If You’re Looking For a Fight, You’ll Find It”.
Lyrics:
Verse 1- Woke up this morning
Dragged myself from bed
Stumbled to the kitchen
What was that you said?
Let me get my coffee on
“Cause I swear that I’m half-dead
Why you already kickin’ off?
Stop messing with my head!
Chorus: ‘Cause if you’re lookin’ for a fight, you’ll find it.
If you’re lookin’ to be right, you’re wrong.
You only get what you’re looking for
And, honey, you won’t have to wait long.
Verse 2- Can’t you ever take a break
From the hatred in your mind?
Before you get out of bed each day
You’ve judged all humankind.
You just can’t stand THAT guy
And that woman, you don’t approve.
Why won’t everybody else
Just live the way you do?
CHORUS: But if you’re lookin’ for a fight, you’ll find it…
Verse 3- You say you can’t be happy
Unless everyone agrees
With your every thought and self-righteous word
And your wild conspiracies.
You fill your mind with “shouldn’ts”.
You tell the world to be
Exactly as you command it,
But your stuck in misery…
CHORUS: But if you’re lookin’ for a fight, you’ll find it…
BRIDGE: You think your vision’s perfect
That everyone else is bad,
But woman you can’t see a thing
When you’re blind and always mad.
You think you’re full of light,
But how dark your soul must be.
You’re worse than Old Blind Bart, babe,
And as bitter as can be.
CHORUS: But if you’re lookin’ for a fight, you’ll find it…Etc.
Verse 4- Aren’t tired of fussin’ and fightin’
All the live long day?
I’m exhausted and can’t take no more
Especially when you pray.
Your prayers are filled with judgments
For others not like you.
You say that you love Jesus,
But God help you see the truth.
CHORUS: ‘Cause if you’re lookin for a fight, you’ll find it.
If you’re lookin to be right, you’re wrong.
You always get what you’re lookin for
And, honey, you won’t have to wait long
Oh, you only get what you’re lookin for
And, honey, you won’t have to wait long.
Oh, you only get what you’re lookin for
And, honey, you won’t have to wait too long!
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