Gratitude for fresh air...
Hey,
Hope your day is going well. Thought I’d share my day with you.
My humorous, older brother, Dale, is notorious in Texas for his epic fart wars with his father-in-law, Bob. They have been known to try to stink one another out of the house...or “duel” in stores: each dropping a stink bomb in an aisle, then quickly leaving said aisle, while the other one is left in the nuclear fallout as other passersby give nasty, accusing looks to the “guy left behind”.
Let’s just say that the Oshman’s Sporting Goods staff reach for the gas masks when Dale and Bob enter the premises. In one particular episode, as Bob strolled down the aisles, he sounded off as a machine gun with rapid fire farts, or potent poots, then scrambled to the next aisle, while my brother trailed behind only to be given the evil eye, you might say “the old stink eye”, by a poor, unsuspecting woman who got caught in the crossfire. But Dale plotted his sneak attack, stalked his prey, walked up quietly behind his father-in-law Bob in the next aisle, detonated a silent-but-deadly (SBD) bomb, then turned and headed for the hills! Over his giggles, he could just hear the same innocent victim, coming around the corner, gasp LOUDLY behind him as Bob laughed heartily while vociferously protesting, “It wasn’t me! It was that other guy.”
So today, while minding my own blissful business at our local grocery, I was reminded of the silent-but-deadly fart wars.
While I naively meandered through the aisles, I was assaulted! Humming happily to myself, in blissful ignorance of what was to come, I ever-so-politely kept my social distance and patiently waited for the man who was blocking access to the cereal. I should have known something was amiss, when the man, after deliberating for several minutes in front of the cereal, abruptly left empty-handed, averted his gaze, and rushed past me! As I innocently waited my turn to choose a cereal, unbeknownst to me, he had cracked off a silent stink bomb, then made a hasty retreat!!! He was already around the corner when it hit me! Even my mask could not save me from the putrescence emanating from the furtive perpetrator!
As you may know, I have spent a great deal of time in the last year in deep meditation and maintaining a state of non-reaction. So, my first response in a challenging situation is to take a deep breath and repeat my mantra: “Breathing in, I smile to my heart....”. NOPE!!!
Shallow breaths? No! That won’t work either. God, no! Lord, help me! My eyes watered. “Hold your breath!” I told myself as I gagged . I wanted to laugh, but that would require me breathing or, worse, opening my mouth...and possibly tasting the toxic air....bleh! Then looking up, I saw another unsuspecting patron headed into the toxic superfund site zone, and as any kid would do, not wishing to be the object of the imminent, accusatory glares and eye daggers of a stranger, I quickly turned and ran for the next aisle (in the opposite direction of the stink bomber), leaving the other patron to deal with the fallout. I was too much of a coward to warn her. In my defense, warning her would have required that I BREATHE! I waited a full five minutes for the air to clear before I ventured back in to the cereal aisle.
I almost couldn’t bring myself to go back into the offending war zone .... like a timid squirrel who has been frightened off from a pile of acorns... I went back, but with some trepidation of breathing normally.
A victimless crime, you say? I think not!
But as I often do, I turn to music for solace...only all I could think of in the wake of this noxious cloud was our garage band songs-“Gimme Shelter”, “Dust In the Wind” or Gary Moore’s “Trouble Ain’t Far Behind”...
May we never stop giving thanks for fresh air and may we never lose our sense of humor. Amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment