Welcome to Happy Snowflake Dance!

It's my experiment in joyful, marrow-sucking living.
Inspired by George Santayana's poem,
There May Be Chaos Still Around the World

" They threat in vain; the whirlwind cannot awe
A happy snow-flake dancing in the flaw. "


My Mission: a daily journey into Openness.

I hope you'll come along!

Sunday, July 12, 2020

A note from my pants’ pocket...

A Sunday morning note for my sister, my best friend: 
C you.   

Oh my gosh.  I just returned from my morning walk and meditation.

When I pulled my phone out of my pocket, it seems my phone had ideas of its own.  It had started this email to you.  When I saw that it had even begun typing you a message, "C you", I decided I'd better finish the note.  So....

I listened to another Tolle video. 
I listened as I walked, then took my yoga mat and sat quietly for a few minutes, just listening to my surroundings, observing, stretching, relaxing... and yes, talking in my mind.  I tried to silence my inner voice.

Boy, is it hard! Not the negative thoughts, I mean.  It's pretty easy to recognize and silence those now.  I've been practicing off and on for over 10 years silencing the negative chatter.  No, the hard part is silencing all the thoughts, especially the part where I am assimilating new concepts.

I talk to my “self" now.  Like, "hello, me" or "wake up, me!" Even those are words, but I try to allow my inner self, my inner eternal energy self, my spirit to bubble up.  And when I can silence thoughts long enough, what Tolle calls "the space between thoughts", I feel .... joy, energy, light, enjoyment of this moment.  I feel gratitude welling up.  Feel is not quite the right word.  It’s like I embody joy and gratitude.  I don’t know if that makes sense to you.  I try to focus on now.  Being aware right now.  This moment is all I have.  I do not have the past.  It is gone. It does not exist.  That is a mind-blowing thought!  The past DOES NOT EXIST.  Only now, the present, exists.  I don't have tomorrow or the future.  It never comes.  I only have now.

And now is pretty awesome!  I'm alive.  I'm aware.  I'm present. I'm grateful.  I have everything I need right now in this moment.  

After the Tolle video on YouTube, the Law of Attraction lady came on, you know The Secret.  Anyway, after listening to her chatter on about how if you followed her Secret program and your life still isn't what you thought it should be, if you are still unhappy, just subscribe to her and she will make you a personalized message so you can address all your subconscious negative self talk which is blocking you from receiving everything the universe has so you can be rich... the basic message?  Let me manipulate you a bit more.  Here's my fail-safe-get-what-you-want-and-be rich, powerful, and happy formula, but if that didn't work, it's your fault because your unconscious mind is betraying you and attracting all kinds of crap to your life.  Just turn to me and I'll help you unlock all those negative inner thoughts that you didn't even know were there and like magic, poof!  You will get everything you want and deserve.   
Wow.  I could actually hear how manipulative it was.  It was all about the universe giving me what I want, because I deserve what I want, and the universe is supposed to give me wealth, things, opportunities, fame...whatever I think I deserve.  The universe owes me because I'm using a secret, magical formula. It was so ego-centric.  

I'm not saying she's bad.  I’m not trying to be judgmental.  In fact, years ago, her teaching helped me and has helped millions of others.  It's just that I now see it as a "magic lamp", "name it and claim it" kind of teaching.  There is definitely some truth in there. Yes, our words, thoughts, and attitudes do have power to manifest.  That is true and powerful.  But I no longer see the universe as mine to manipulate to get stuff.   

And I think I’m starting to understand what Singer and Tolle are saying.  Sure, on some level your inner thoughts manifest the life you imagine, whether it's filled with fear or love.   Call it self-fulfilling prophecy. But as Singer explains, what you really want is not stuff or externals to feel complete.  What we really want is to be spiritually open or awakened.  And when we are, we recognize that we only have this moment right now and the universe is giving us what we need right now.  

The best I can describe it is that we can go through life blind and not know it.  Our thoughts blind us and distract us from who we really are, the I am that I am.  We think we see the world clearly, but we are blind, lost in our thoughts.  We think external things will make us happy, or not getting certain externals will make us happy, the "wants and don't wants" that Singer talks about.  

But when we strip it all down, what we really want is to see, to not be blinded and stumbling in the dark, but to come into the light... to allow our own inner light to shine like the stars in the universe, to feel joy, enthusiasm, energy.  To be joy and light and energy.  

When we are no longer blind, we see that everything we need is here now.  It always has been here now.  I was just blinded before by my negative attitudes and thoughts and perceptions. We see that universe is not ours to manipulate, but to be celebrated.  This moment is all I have and I celebrate it. 

So, I guess I will "C you".  No, that's the future which doesn't exist.  I guess I could say, "I see you."  Ah, I do see you and am grateful for you every time I remember you.

My intention for today is to practice being aware of now and letting gratitude for each moment emanate from me.   

Saturday, July 11, 2020

When language fails...


The frailty of words

I’m listening to to Eckhart Tolle’s Meditation video on YouTube today.  If you’ve never seen him or heard him speak, please do yourself a favor and listen to the video above.  His gentle humor and sweet presence just radiate.

Forgive another apparent stream of consciousness style writing.... Obviously, I am struggling to grow spiritually.  I want to understand. As Tolle speaks of Spirit or “Presence”, a concept which defies words, he apologizes for having to use language to articulate what he means.  I understand. The phrase “when language fails” came to mind. We use words, labels, and names to make sense of our world, our experience.  “Good, bad, hot, cold, dark, light...” Words help us make sense of the external world.

We think words equal definitions.  Definitions are supposed to be objective, agreed upon meanings for ideas and objects. Meanings.... That’s just it.  Words are not just objective or generic in meaning. Words take on subjective, personal meanings.  They morph to our life experiences, to our thoughts, to our world views.  

Take the word “father”.  In the most basic terms, it should mean male progenitor of another, right?  But the word takes on so much more subjective meaning.  Society says “father” is not just a biological progenitor. Father must also mean a man who cares for, shows love to, is faithful to, loyal to, and protects his family.  This is an ideal father, right?  But how many people do you actually know who had an ideal dad?  So when the the word “father” is spoken in conversation with all of its hidden assumptions of what that word means, all of its societal expectations of perfection in a man, our reaction to it will vary from person to person, even among siblings with presumably many shared histories. If your experience of “father” is something completely opposite...well, that word may be entwined with concepts of fear, disappointment, maybe violence...certainly not warm, fuzzy feelings, right?  

So many words and phrases are “charged” for us these days, right?  Conservative, liberal, democrat, republican, American, Chinese, freedom of religion, Christian, atheist, Buddhist, black, white, police, authority....the list could go on forever.  And to one person each of those words means one thing while to that person’s brother or sister, the words may mean something completely opposite.  

So I understand what Tolle is getting at when he apologizes for having to use words to communicate these concepts of spirit, presence, eternal life or energy.  Words are not objective, they are connotative.  They are subjective, shaped by my life experiences.  

When Tolle talks of Presence, perhaps you call it Soul or Spirit, I think of “I am that I am”. We use different words to communicate this idea.  Presence. Limitless. Eternal. Who I am is more than my story, more than my sense of self. Who I am is more than the limitations of this body. More than my ideas or even who I think I am or who others may think I am. 

Words help us articulate, but also label. Tree, beauty, lizard, rock, sky, fear, love, hate, past, future, now, spirit, thoughts, presence. Labels can be helpful, but also limit... the great paradox. We reject labels, but use words to express.  As long as I am continually labeling everything and everyone around me, I am still stuck in my thoughts.  Trapped by these limitations of words.  Naming can be liberating.  I think of the people I have known and heard of over the years who have changed their names.  Saul, the guy who was persecuting Christ followers, became Saint Paul.  Jacob, who was the deceiver, became Israel, the guy who was transformed by God.  Some indigenous cultures believe that everyone has a secret name, a name which they receive when they enter adulthood.  They go into the forest alone for an extended period and receive their new secret name, not a name given by others, but a name which they discover for themselves.  

There can be power in naming.  If something is oppressive, there can be power in naming that oppression. But naming can also bring limitations.  We may start to believe that we are those names: fat, ugly, unloved, rejected, lonely, unlovable, failure.  Think of all the things you tell yourself about yourself.  As Tolle points out, most of our mental chatter is useless.  Rarely, do we say nice things to ourselves.  So, names, words, and thoughts are powerful, but they are not who we are.  Who am I?

I am.

Michael A Singer often asks, “Who is in there?”  Who are you?  Who is the one inside you who is aware of your thoughts, your emotions, and yet transcends those identities? 

I could say, “I am light.”  Yes, but that is also just a label, a word, a limitation.  
I could say, “I am Gigi.”  Yes, that’s also true.  But when I think of who Gigi is, I attach all of my narratives, my histories, my thoughts and feelings to that name.  I might attach my self-concept or body image to that name.  Am I my body?  Am I my thoughts?  Am I my past or the stories I repeat over and over?  If I could pick my own name, I would pick Bodhi Ananda...Ananda means pure joy or the essence of delight, while Bodhi means enlightenment or awakening.  But again, these are just labels....


In the Tao Te Ching, the first precept begins, “The Tao that can be followed is not the eternal Tao. 
The name that can be named is not the eternal name. 
The nameless is the origin of heaven and earth. 
While naming is the origin of the myriad things. 
Therefore, always desireless, you see the mystery
Ever desiring, you see the manifestations. 
These two are the same—
When they appear they are named differently.  
This sameness is the mystery.
Mystery within mystery.  
The door to all marvels. - Lao Tzu

Who am I?  I am that I am.

I was reminded that King David used to command himself, “Wake up, my soul!  Bless the Lord, o my soul!”  He recognized that his spirit (soul) was in there.  THAT was the real him.   You can call it “soul”, “spirit”, “energy”, “presence”, “the inner self.... these are just names.  Names help my mind to categorize something.  But as Lao Tzu points out, as soon as we try to name it, we lose awareness of this nameless “is-ness” that Tolle speaks of.  It simply is.  It is not even an it. Using words like “it” automatically makes this concept an object.   I am.  I am that I am.  

When Tolle spoke about the concept of self, I was reminded of Jesus’ concept of dying to self. Dying to this twisted, weird idea of self. This is not about abstinence or denying ourselves external things, though he also chose to fast from time to time.  We tend to focus on dying to the externals, our “fleshly desires”, or as stated above in The Tao, “the manifestations” of our desires.  And that can be a part of it, too.  Because they are just noisy distractions, “wants, needs, don’t wants” as Singer says, clamoring for our attention.  But dealing with externals is easy-ish.  No.  This is more than denying ourselves what we want (like food or a new car).  This is about dying to our idea of self, who I think I am based on my history, my family, my personality, my list of accomplishments, my failures, my loves, my rejections, my foibles, my status, my wealth or lack thereof, my mistakes, my image of self, or even others’ images of myself, or my images of others....

We are more! We are more than our histories or repetitive tales about our past. We are more than our hopes and dreams for the future. We are now. We have only this moment. Eternity is NOW. The kingdom of heaven is NOW, not in the future. There is no future. There is only now. Now is continuous. Now never stops unfolding. Now is continually revealing itself. 

I am now. The past no longer exists. My story, my narratives which I repeat over and over to myself, to anyone who will listen no longer exist, except in my mind! Why do I keep bringing them up?  Because I have confused my past experiences with who I am.  Or worse, I have equated my past experiences of others with who they really are.  We tend to hold on to grievances.  You know that story of grievance you tell everyone about that one time someone said or did something to you that really hurt your feelings or was unfair?  You know people who are still holding on to something that someone else said over 30 years ago, and they tell everyone who will listen about this grievance.  My life is in ruins because so-and-so said something to me 30 years ago and I’m still holding a grudge over the incident.  Let me tell you ALL about it, again and again....  

I don’t want to keep living like that.  I want to transcend these awful narratives, the old hurts, even the plans I had for the future.  I want to live an open life, now.  I want to recognize now.  I want to let go of the past with all of its fears, wounds, joys, and “failures and successes”.  I want to awaken to abundant life, now. 

Wake up, me! Stir up the life that is you. This life, the real self, my eternal spirit is part of everything. That IS everything and everywhere and at all time. Because there is only now. This moment. Wake up! I am alive.  I exist.  I am that I am.  When I begin to remember that, I remember that I am Ananda (pure delight).  I feel energy and excitement over what is happening right now.  I am present.

As I come closer to the end of my walk, I wonder.  I can sit under the Bodhi tree and meditate like the Siddhartha Gautama or open my spirit in silence and isolation. I can be fully present easily in quarantine or my quiet time away from others. I often joke that I could be the most holy Christian on earth, if only I didn’t have to interact with other humans!  But how do I remain present to now when I am conversing with family or working? How do I turn off the continual chatter of the monkey mind? How do I embody presence when my family member is trying to drag me into their negative, fear-filled state, into an argument, or into their violent worldview? How do I "practice" this kind of being? I know that sounds like an oxymoron, "practicing being". How do I "do being"?   How do I maintain this openness?  Singer would say just practice NOT CLOSING.  Learn to recognize when you are irritated or disturbing yourself over something silly, like someone else making a mess for you to clean up or taking “your” parking space...

I don’t know.  I’m just starting to wake up.  I’m over 50 years old now and I think I’m just waking up for the first time in my life.  I’ve had moments of “aha” or brief glimpse of enlightenment, awakening here and there.  I’m enjoying the process, this pilgrimage.  And I have the rest of my life, the rest of now to continue to try to practice this openness, this transcendence, this awakening.  

I saw a bird on my walk.  It was sitting on a mailbox. I am present.  I am aware of my surroundings, the me inside is aware and feels alive and joyful just to be able to observe.  I thought of how birds were made to soar, but if I had only ever seen a bird egg, I might not think that. I might be content to just observe the egg and think “The egg is beautiful.”  Something about roundness captures our imaginations. We label it as beautiful. The egg is fragile. In its fragility, there is beauty, too. Perhaps because we see how easily that life in the egg could end.  A fierce wind or a cat knocks the egg out of the nest.  Smash.  Crack.  The life inside dies.  So we treasure the beauty of the fragile egg, the frail physical life.  But the egg is not the bird.  The egg, the part that I see, is just the outer shell.  At the right time, the transformation will take place. The bird was made to hop around on the ground, to sing, and to soar.  The bird was designed to defy physical constructs like gravity.

We, too, were made to soar, to defy social constructs and our own mental constructs like our concept of self.  We were made for more. We are more. We are enough. We are. We are now. 

Who is self? Call it Spirit, consciousness, awareness, presence. The I am that I am. It is formless, exists outside of time (sort of), because time is really a human construct. The only time that actually exists is NOW, the present.  The past no longer exists, except in my mind if I try to hold on to it.  And why would I let something that no longer exists continue to define me?  The future is never here.  Jesus said not to worry about tomorrow.  You have enough to worry about today.   In other words, you have right now.  Tomorrow never comes.  All we have is this moment, right now, continually. 

This is liberating, I am freeing myself from the old concept of self. 

It is for freedom that Christ has set you free... from your old concept of self! We were made for freedom. Creation? Have we always existed? If we are eternal beings, what does this mean? I think we were still created, even as a part of the eternal one. But we were made for freedom.  Spirit, soul, presence, that eternal part of us, whatever you want to call it, was never made to be caged inside our minds and bodies.  
It may dwell in here for a time, but we were made for so much more.  Our bodies may be made of the stuff of stars, but our spirits shine like the stars if we allow ourselves to live in openness in the present.  



Wednesday, July 8, 2020

What is spirit?



Think of someone you met once. You had a deep conversation with them that changed both of your lives. Let's say 30 years passes and someone asks you about that person who changed your life. Could you describe them? It's been thirty years. By now, you have changed physically. They would have changed significantly as well in the last thirty years, at least physically. But when you think of that person, even if their face has become fuzzy in your memory, even if their outward appearance has faded from your mind, you remember that being. You remember their spirit. Why? Because who we really are is not our thoughts, it's not even our bodies. 

Who we are is a spirit being inside a physical form with mind and emotions. But the mind and emotions are not Me. I am not my thoughts. I am not my emotions. I am me. I am that I am. I am something eternal. I never understood that before, when God spoke to Moses from the burning bush and Moses asks, "Who should I say sent me?" And God responds with "I am that I am."

My mind and emotions are just distractions from the real me. And if I let them control me and distract me my whole life, I will never realize who I am. Who am I? Who is the I am that I am in me?

This is the practice I hope to embrace, openness. Allowing my spirit self, my consciousness to transcend these momentary disturbances and distractions of thoughts and emotions. As Michael A Singer points out in The Untethered Soul and The Surrender Experiment, often the easiest way to get to practicing openness is actually to recognize and get really good at seeing when I am closed first. And then stop being closed.

I was thinking of a time in 2010 when I made a pilgrimage across Europe. I trekked over 1100 miles in 75 days with my little cocker spaniel, Sam. I experienced both incredible, heart-expanding openness and gratitude and the abundance of the universe and I experienced the closedness, the shut down of my spirit often on a daily basis. When I was open, the universe opened up to me. I was filled with joy! I felt incredible gratitude and light and peace. And it was as if the universe saw that and just gave me whatever I needed, whether I thought about it or not.

I also saw the "danger of the mind", as Singer calls it, when I let my mind and emotions control me. In one instance in particular, a kindly, yet forceful personality wrapped in the aspect of an elderly nun offered to give me and my dog a ride down the road, if I could just wait a day or two while she finished up her lecture series she was sharing with the cloistered nuns at the convent where I was staying. I agreed. I needed a couple of days' rest anyway.

A couple of days later, her driver (a woman from the area where the nun was headquartered) begrudgingly agreed to take me and my dog with them to Reims and the great cathedral there. The woman driver's palpable resentment of me soured my perspective. I was already feeling vulnerable.
My hormones were out of wack and I was even more emotional than ever. I was on the verge of tears constantly. For anyone who knows me, that is a super rare occurrence. I rarely cry. I blamed my hormones. In my mind, I felt resentful of the woman driver who resented me for some unknown reason. The nun had convinced the woman and husband to let me spend the night with them for one night. The husband was kind and immediately fell in love with my dog, Sam.

As agreed, the nun took us on a tour of the cathedral of Reims where she was actually a bit of a celebrity and authority on iconoclastic art. But my mind was disturbed. I could not appreciate what an incredible gift this was. I felt miserable! I felt sorry for myself. I felt rejected and alone. I let my feelings and negative thoughts ruin the entire trip! The husband could not have been more compassionate. The nun, direct as she was, had kindly offered me a ride and a lecture tour of the cathedral and had even found me a bed in a safe home. They even took me out to dinner.

The woman driver resentfully took me to her home. She seemed jealous of husband's attention to me...though really it was directed at my adorable dog. The next morning, she yelled at me to get moving as her daughter would be coming to take me back to the via francigena trail. I was packed, ready to go. But everything I did or did not do irritated her and she let me know it. And I let her negative reactions dictate my negative reactions...

I could recount many, many times when I was in a different state of mind, just happy to be alive, when I was open to the universe, and everything I needed was literally given to me by strangers. I didn't even have to ask. If I thought "I need water. I'll stop in the next town and purchase some", ten minutes later a stranger would be waiting in the street saying, "Oh, I heard a pilgrim was coming. I have two very large, cold bottles of water for you. Would you like some? Oh, you have a dog. Here, have some dog food for your puppy." I was overjoyed, of course.

I share the stories of being both open and closed, not because the open, positive state got me what I wanted while the negative state did not. I could try to recreate that feeling of openness. Many times as humans this is exactly what we do. We think if only I recreate the externals then I will feel open again. If that were the case, I would think that going on pilgrimage is what I need to do in order to be open, that is, if I only remember the positive side of the pilgrimage trek. And to be sure, my positive experiences seem to far outweigh all the hardships, the struggle, the negative moments. It would be easy to remember only the open state and all the good things that seemed to come from that and declare, "Aha! I have discovered that the formula for true spiritual growth is to go on pilgrimage!" Indeed, when I recount the stories of my transformational pilgrimage trek, I always remember the good times. I remember the feeling of wide-openness of my spirit. The wonder, the curiosity, the awe, the pure, ecstatic joy at life. I could try to make it prescriptive for everyone else and say "In order to unlock your spirit, you must go on pilgrimage! The key to openness is to do what I have done." And indeed, several of the pilgrims I met along the way had decided that this was their formula for happiness.

But I mention the closed incident with the nun and the driver because I recognize now how much I robbed myself in those two days together. The universe was open to me. Strangers were literally giving me everything I needed, food, shelter, human kindness, and so much more in the riches of the information which this art historian was imparting to me. But my mind was in such turmoil. My emotions were controlling me. I was blind. I could not see the beauty of life unfolding before me. The universe was open to me, but I was closed! I had shut down, closed myself off from seeing this incredible joy and opportunity to engage.  I said earlier that "the woman driver's palpable resentment of me soured my perspective". This was not true. I soured my perspective! I let my mind and emotions distract me, the real me, the spirit me. I let the disturbance of my thoughts and feelings of self-pity rob me of a beautiful chance to shine in the universe, to celebrate the riches of the gracious nun sharing her knowledge with me. I missed the opportunity to listen to that poor angry woman, to really see her. I had messed up her plans, whatever they may have been. I had intruded on her time with the nun. Not only that, but the nun had convinced her to take me, a stranger and her dog, into her home. The point is that I had allowed all this disturbance to reek havoc with my thoughts and emotions and denied my spirit the opportunity to thrive in curiosity and joy and abundance. I was closed.  And it took a good day more for me to free myself from the incessant chatter of my mind and breathe and open up again.

So the point of my latest experiment, the 21-Day Openness Experiment, is not so much trying to recreate the externals in which I felt open to the universe...no, that is another distraction from spirit. The key is to stop closing. And that is something internal. I'm practicing letting go of judgments of myself and others. I'm practicing letting go of expectations. I'm practicing letting go of my lists of what I think I need or want or don't want to be fulfilled. I'm embracing the process, like that 1100 mile trek. It took many baby steps and missteps and getting lost at times and the kindness of strangers to reach Rome. It will take time to learn this new practice and to let the real me shine, to simply be the I am that I am.



Gospel reading: Luke 10- rough notes



Forgive the stream-of-consciousness style of writing today. 
I came across this note this morning, written some time ago.  This is based on a short message by my priest, which inspired many other connections to the main idea.  Each week, Reverend Keith asks us to think about one word or phrase or idea which sticks out in our minds or catches our attention.    The gospel reading is from Luke 10- Jesus is sending out the 72 disciples to the people who are oppressed. This passage is about miracles and proclaiming the kingdom of heaven is near. 
Luke 10:1-9 (NIV)
After this the Lord appointed seventy-two others and sent them two by two ahead of him to every town and place where he was about to go. He told them, “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field. Go! I am sending you out like lambs among wolves. Do not take a purse or bag or sandals; and do not greet anyone on the road.When you enter a house, first say, ‘Peace to this house.’ If someone who promotes peace is there, your peace will rest on them; if not, it will return to you. Stay there, eating and drinking whatever they give you, for the worker deserves his wages. Do not move around from house to house.

“When you enter a town and are welcomed, eat what is offered to you. Heal the sick who are there and tell them, ‘The kingdom of God has come near to you.’ 


I was arrested by this first thought from Father Keith’s take on the Gospel reading: 
The world is not a problem to be solved. Give your peace. Pronounce blessing on others (whether or not you think they deserve it or will accept it). 

As I re-read this now with new eyes, so to speak, I get what he was saying.

The world is not a problem to be solved.  This comes in line with what Micheal A Singer is teaching about these soul disturbances.  Stop looking to “fix” the exterior world.  Instead, stop.  Give your peace.  Pronounce your blessing on others.  Withholding your blessing only hurts you, festers fear and anger in your own soul.  Let it go.  

I thought of Emerson’s body of work on Self-reliance as Jesus instructed his friends to not even take money with them.  The universe would provide what they needed.  This is the opposite of Emerson’s idea of relying only on the self, though I get that Emerson was preaching more about not relying on others to define oneself or one’s values.  I think Emerson teeters on the edge of this spiritual breakthrough...but he still relies heavily on the mind and one’s own thoughts.  His take is less about spirit and more about an individual’s thoughts.   As I re-read Emerson now, maybe my first instinct was wrong.  He does talk about Soul as the center of self and nonconformity of the individual as thinking independently from the hive mentality of society.  It means not being afraid of being misunderstood or being afraid to change your mind, regardless of what other people think you should do.  It’s about being true to your inner self.  

Then I thought of the elegant and gracious work by Satish Kumar, You Are, Therefore I Am- A declaration of dependence (2008).  In this sweet volume, Kumar relates his personal story growing up as a Jain monk in India.  Kumar talks about learning the five basic practices of a Jain monk, beginning with the first two: 
            1. Ahimsa, this is the principle of non-violence.  Do no harm to yourself or others.  Avoid harmful thought, words, and actions.  Refuse to hold on to negative thoughts, refuse to speak evil, refuse to be a part of cruelty.  Discipline yourself to develop “good will, positive thought, gentle speech, and loving action” (p.54). 
            2.  Satya is the principle of truth.  This, according to his guru, means “understanding the true nature of existence, including the true nature of oneself: accepting reality as it is and being truthful to it, attempting to see things as they are without judging them as good or bad...[It means] don’t have illusions about yourself: how important you are, how unimportant you are, how good you are, how bad you are.  Suspend all judgments.  Face the truth without fear. Things are as they are: they are not good or bad, weak or strong.  These are all interpretations” (54-55).

I thought of Kumar’s basic premise of the book: we are interdependent on each other, on the earth.  Everything is interconnected.  We are not alone.  We need each other.  We ARE each other.  There is no otherness. We are all a part of this created world.    

I thought of Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s seminal work on understanding that we (the church) are interdependent.  We cannot experience Christ outside of community.  Sure, we may gain insights into our interior selves in moments of isolation.  But few of us are called to be monks or hermits.  We experience love in community.  It may be imperfect, a faulty copy of the real thing, but it is a glimpse of eternal love.
 
These ideas of community and interdependence are much more in line with 1st century church thinking than this modern idea that we are separate from the rest of creation and can do whatever we want to others and to the planet.   

I thought of the web of life. We are a part of creation - we are the incarnation of spirit. 

Dorothy L. Sayers’ essays on incarnational living build on this idea of original participation.  We are called to participate with nature, with all of creation.  

I thought of Galatians 6 and Saint Paul's admonition that we need each other, of Thomas Merton and his declaration of our interdependence on all of creation.  These are not eastern mystics, though they have more in common with eastern mysticism than “American Christianity”.  

I thought of this idea of declaring that the kingdom of heaven is near.  I thought of Ed Gungor’s sermons on how God hides himself. Then reveals himself to those who seek. He often speaks of this cosmic game of hide and seek.  If you look for God, the eternal one, the Creator, you will find Spirit.  This is the “openness” of spirit that Singer alludes to, I think.  Jesus said “if you seek me, you will find me”.  We just have to drop our preconceived ideas of what God must look like, act like, do for us, or we might miss him, like the people of Jesus’ time missed their savior, because he didn’t look or act like they thought he should. 

In the same way, if you look for people who are seeking connection with spirit, with God, you will find them. 

Today, I am listening to Chuck Jonkey’s India Meditation album.

My discipline and practice today is to fast and to meditate, not on what I think I need or how God should appear to me, but on being open.  My practice is to recognize when I am disturbed inside and to consciously awake, to stop, relax, and let go of my preconceived ideas of how things should be or how people should act... you get it.  This is my intention for the day.



Tuesday, July 7, 2020

Post-Script


After listening to several more interviews with Michael A. Singer (see Oprah's Super Soul Sunday and others on The Untethered Soul), I realize that my diatribe against the so-called "Christian Right" is just the disturbance of my own soul, my own expectations of how this world "should be", or my desires for how I think the world "should" act. I cannot control anyone.

But I can control myself and manage my expectations, letting go of attachments. 

The New Harbinger interview with Michael A Singer (see link above) called “What Do You Really Want” on YouTube is by far the most concise, most clear explanation I have heard on spirituality. 

To be clear, I am not anti-Christian. I love God. I love people (at least I want to love people...). I know this will sound defensive... What I opposed in the last essay was the political arm of so-called "Christianity in America". It is not a diatribe against Christians who walk in love. But....after listening to Michael A. Singer and Eckhart Tolle, I realize that my visceral reaction to what I perceive as injustice is just so much noise. The disturbance is in me. Why am I so worked up over these issues? What does it benefit my soul to be angry, to hold on to these disturbances? To rail against the current administration? It just keeps me in an angry state and keeps me rehashing the same narratives...like an old person whose brain is stuck in a rut. Repeating the same stories over and over...

What does it benefit anyone? What does it benefit my own soul? Why do I engage in conflict?

As an example, I said something to a family member the other day about some social justice issue and a discussion that I would help lead about said issue. I knew it would only disturb my family member. I knew that she has a totally different world view. I knew that she would want to argue about this issue. So why did I bring it up? Why did I then engage with her in this argument?   She reacted negatively and I reacted to her reaction.  We were both “disturbed” in our selves and angry!  

I immediately thought of Jesus warning his disciples not to throw your pearls before swine, lest they turn around viciously attack you. I took something precious to me, this idea of social justice that I struggled with for years to define, to embrace. To me this struggle to understand others and have compassion for others is precious, because I was transformed through the struggle. My transformation is precious.  So why did I throw my pearls before swine? Not saying my family member is a pig. But I took something precious to me, an ideal, a spiritual metamorphosis, and I shared it with a family member who does not get it, at all, who in fact despises these same ideals. I knew that before I even brought the subject up. So why did I provoke my family? It only caused disturbance in my soul. And I know that I am responsible for provoking a disturbance in my sibling's soul.

What benefit was there to this exchange? Did I convince her that she should be more compassionate? No, she only felt the need to defend her sense of self against the threat of my ideals.  Just because I was transformed doesn’t mean she has to be transformed or come to the same understanding.  I was trying to convert her to my experience.  Of course, she is resistant!  It’s just another form of control or manipulation if I don’t let her find her own path to enlightenment.  

So what can I learn from this experience? As Michael A. Singer teaches, we can recognize when we feel a disturbance (anger, hatred, FEAR, disappointment, defensiveness, etc) and stop. We can literally tell ourselves, "STOP! You don't have to engage with this disturbance. You can breathe. Relax. Step back. Let it go. Let this negative energy pass through you. Don't hang on to it. Don't try to define your life by this "belief".  Don’t try to define yourself as being “right.”   Let it go." 

MY definition of what the world should be is not the only definition. My world view is exactly that, mine. But I don't have the right to expect and demand that everyone else share it.

Singer talks about these disturbances of psyche as being OPEN or CLOSED to the universe. When I am open to life unfolding, I am filled with wonder, curiosity, and joy. And in the midst of that, if I can step back long enough from being entangled with these arguments or negative emotions, I can sit in pure joy. Someone could be yelling at me and I could actually find joy in that moment.

When I am CLOSED, I have a specific set of demands for the universe to make my life "perfect". For example, I may think I can only be happy if... If I live somewhere else... If I have so much money...If I have a romantic relationship where someone loves me...If I have a nice house or nice cars...a great job... Or if I avoid certain things....like, I would be happy if only I didn't have to deal with so-and-so...or I would be happy if only I wasn't __________ (fill in the blank). So we spend our lives trying to fill them with things or preconceived ideas of what we think we want, or we spend our lives trying to avoid certain things or relationships...all that energy wasted trying to get or avoid.

I want to be OPEN. I want to stay in that OPEN state. I've experienced it before and was amazed at how the universe (God) provided everything I need...and so many times it was so much better than what I thought I needed or wanted. 

I've been living CLOSED. I've been judgmental and felt judged.  You reap what you sow.  It's time to LET GO. Let go of expectations. Let go of desires. Let go of fears. Let go of how I think the world SHOULD BE. And be OPEN to what comes. Be open to this amazing, miraculous world. Be open to experiences and relationships as they unfold.

So, I'm leaving my judgmental diatribe on the "Rise of Fascism in 21st Century America" as a reminder to myself to let go of my rigid ideas and expectations of this world. Yes, I've put it out there, but I leave it to remind myself that I have so much further to go in my spiritual awakening. And that's what I think I really want: To wake up to joy. To wake up to who I really am. To be awake to life every day, every moment, in every circumstance, every relationship. To let the past go. To let go of my expectations. To embrace joy, and find freedom.

Today marks Day One of my new spiritual journey: 21 days of fasting and practicing openness.  This is not my happiness experiment.  This is the 21-day Openness Experiment.  I hope you’ll join me.  

If you have ideas on how to stay OPEN to your inner self, let me know. If you have strategies which you use to relax and embrace your higher self, please feel free to share. Or if you have strategies which help you recognize when you are CLOSED, please share.

Friday, July 3, 2020

Fascism in 21st century “Christian” America


Author's note: I wrote this last year (2019). As the 2020 election approaches, I think the warning still stands, despite the many, many more current scandals which have continued to rock our faltering nation. I love America. This essay is satirical in nature. I do not condone fascism, I mock it. And I believe that we are stronger when we are critical of ourselves with a view to transformation.  Questioning is healthy!  
 If you would like to know more about the rise of fascism in Europe in the last century, check out Rick Steve’s powerful documentary on the Rise of Fascism in Europe: https://youtu.be/JU1IVW6uqM0  

My views in no way reflect on Rick Steve's views or assign any connection or affiliation to his work. 
 
I typically shy away from writing on anything political for fear of adding to the increased polarization and animosity of our nation.... 
Disclaimer: I am an independent voter. I do not align myself with either major political party in America.  I vote my conscience.  

"When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross."
― James Waterman Wise 

Fascism 101- A How-To Guide for Beginners
Well-meaning Christianity has subverted our nation, calling for a Christian dominion in the USA (Chris Hedges, 2006) while promoting a theocracy, not freedom of religion. Narrow definitions of Christianity and what it means to be an American perpetuate an ideal: Only rich, white, Republican, charismatic, evangelical Christian men who are pro-Israel are approved or can be "true" patriots. Democrats, undecided voters, independent voters who won’t toe a party line, women, people of color, blacks, immigrants (legal or illegal), LGBTQ, liberal, moderates, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists or any other religion, or even moderate conservatives are suspect and incapable of being true American patriots. In this limited world view, poor people (many of whom jump on this very band wagon) are suspect. They don't even see that they are excluded from this elitist, members-only club, yet they vote for charismatic, powerful, greedy despots because the Christian Right leaders say this is "God's man". (See Charisma magazine 2015, In Trump We Trust and Ann Coulter's 2016 book of the same title). And like all fascist saviors, "God's man" promised them the moon while ranting against all their push button issues. 

In this limited socio-political theocratic worldview, communism and socialism are anti-Christ and anti-America. Only greed-based capitalism is God's chosen Biblical economic system. All liberals are labeled extreme left-wing. Only the right wing has the corner on truth and integrity. As fascist leaders know, STEP ONE in establishing a fascist or totalitarian state is to narrowly define what a good patriot looks like, and clearly define a scapegoat (in this case, immigrants) for all the evils and woes in the country. Crime, economic downturns, unemployment, underemployment, poverty, joblessness, factory shutdowns, and terrorism are laid on the vulnerable populations, the scapegoats. 
 
In order to establish a fascist state, in which one charismatic leader promises simple solutions to complex problems, be sure to use labels for everyone and everything. Anyone who dissents, disagrees, or just asks critical questions is evil, fake, a liar, a crook, a loser, treacherous, fraudulent, or nasty. And be sure to repeat your labeling messages as often as possible. Because weak, gullible, desperate people will believe even the most dishonorable lie as long as you repeat often enough.
 
In this power struggle for the minds of Americans, intellectuals are suspect. College professors are all liberal, ranting, extreme left-wing indoctrinators. These bleeding-heart liberal corrupters have hijacked the minds of young people. Intellectuals are all labeled atheists and extremists, socialists, and communists (gasp! the most despicable epithet in modern America). In this restricted paradigm, Science is suspect. Reason is anti-God, anti-faith. Logic has no quarter with religion. Compassion is weakness.  Don’t believe me?  Tune in to Fox “News” any time of day to hear them beating this drum and repeating this chant.  Or OANN (One America “News” Network) .  I put “News“ in quotes, because these networks are not NEWS networks.  They do not report news.  They are propaganda machines.  They are opinion networks.  Unsubstantiated claims? Non-factual “reports”?  The wilder, the more extreme the better (for ratings!).  Truth be damned!  Who cares about truth as long as you preach to your viewing base, as long as your opinions reflect the worst opinions of your audience, and get you the best ratings!  And ratings mean more money.  Greed is the biggest driver for these networks as they have continued to push the limits on extreme opinion, pushing the right wing as far right as they dare, in order to cash in on the lucrative commercial ads that these unsubstantiated claims make.  Integrity?  No, Greed is their doctrine.  
 
All fascists leaders know that intellectuals must be silenced. Their loyalty to the nation is cast into question. STEP TWO in establishing a fascist state: discredit or silence all intellectuals and drive them out, accuse them of polluting and corrupting young minds, while only the great leader has the right ideas, the genius, the willpower to alleviate the suffering of the masses. All intellectuals must be silenced in order to stop the illiterate masses from asking questions, from doubting the infallibility of the great leader. Reason is abandoned for feel-good messages. Truth is only what the great leader says is truth. Objective reasoning is no longer trustworthy. And if the great leader contradicts himself from one phrase or sentence to the next, you heard wrong, just like Orwell described in the classic 1984
 
Don't believe Americans are illiterate? Though the literacy rate seems high in America, few Americans are taught to think or read or absorb media critically. And with the advent of Google and Facebook and complex algorithms which enable internet searches to only find the queries which the algorithms allow (based on previous search histories, political preferences, and ideological leanings), the reading list of many Americans is much smaller and less varied than in the past. Other world views are squelched in this age of Google. Reality TV and easy access to streaming and broadcast/cable TV, also diminish the need to read. Talk-show pundits, political and social "experts" spout polarized viewpoints. Viewers tend toward watching/listening/and reading only sources which reflect their own worldview. No need for understanding other viewpoints. 
 
In reality, all intellectuals, all thinkers, all critical thinkers and geniuses must be silenced lest someone make unflattering comparisons between the logic of the intellectual or even the common sense man and the rhetoric of the great leader. Boy, would THAT be embarrassing, eh? Can't have the plebeians thinking their great leader is a doofus, full of hot air, and enamored only of himself. Hint: your leader might be a fascist if he goes around telling everyone that he is a genius, the only one full of great ideas, wonderful plans, the best....ever! In short, no one has ever been as great as him. And anyone who doesn't jump on his bandwagon is disloyal to America. If your leader spouts this kind of shit, he might be a fascist at worst. At best, he's just a pompous, bullying, moronic jack-ass. 

STEP THREE in creating a fascist state and overthrowing a democratic system: Use fear of the "other" to get poor desperate people on your side, then use fear to keep them on your side. Threaten and bully and publicly shame anyone who disagrees or who points out the fallacies of your twisted rhetoric. Anyone who is not for you is against you, which automatically deserves the label of unAmerican, unChristian, traitor, or corrupt. The very people who point out the evil and say, "Hey, we can be better than this. We don't have to go down this hate-filled road" are condemned publicly as liars and divisive. The people who stand for good, for compassion, for human rights, for the dignity of all people, for the preservation and care of the planet are labeled as communists, socialists, anti-American, Anti-Christ, destroyers and unpatriotic. To take a stand against any American foreign policy is to be unpatriotic, no matter how insidious and destructive the policy might be. Allow no one, NO ONE, no matter how commonsensical he or she may be, to question your authority, your ideas, your propaganda or your rhetoric.
Anyone who questions the demagogues of this "Christian" ideology are automatically labeled anti-patriots, traitors, and sinners. To question, to not swear absolute unquestioning loyalty to all acts of the American and by extension Israeli governments (whether constitutional, ethical, legal or not) is automatic treason against America and against God. To question this radical, political "Christianity" is to invite their enmity and become a target of this "Christian" hatred, venom, wrath, violence and intolerance. 
 
I keep putting "Christian" and "Christianity" in quotes. I should probably define Christianity first. For me, Christianity is based on only two rules: love God, love all people. My definition is inclusive and respects the dignity of all. Have I modeled and do I always live this out perfectly? No. I'm flawed. I'm imperfect. I get things wrong. I misunderstand. But this is the goal as I try to understand and live in peace with others. Beyond the basic two rules, everything else is just stuff, non-essential. 

 But for the Christian Right, "Christianity" has a very different connotation: it is a narrowly defined western ideology based on many rules and strict, cultural norms. Some rules are written, many are unspoken. They have their own jargon or language. It is exclusive! And this "christian" identity is intertwined with their American nationality. Their American-ness or identity is intertwined with their ideas of western, individualistic, gun-toting, anti-abortion, anti-gay, anti-women, anti-BlackLivesMatter, anti-immigrant, anti-welfare....well, you get it..."Christianity". I put quotation marks around these words, because I do not think they are anything like the Christ of the early first Century. This "Christianity" is altogether something else, something bastardized; an idol, a grotesque mutation so far removed from the original as to be unrecognizable.

The "Christian" Right revels in its victim hood. This goes back to step one. They believe they are continually discriminated against. They resent any groups who claim victim hood: blacks, people of color, immigrants, poor, LGBTQ, etc. Rich people are victims of discrimination. Conservatives (interpret Republican, rich, white) are victims of intolerance. They themselves are not intolerant, though they call for the subjugation of women, oppose LGBTQ rights or even the basic human right to dignity, oppose religious freedom for all other religions except Judaism, oppose freedom of the press to question the increasingly erratic behavior of the great leader, oppose immigration (whether legal or not), rally voters around fear-mongering themes, and openly call for the oppression of dissenters and hecklers at rallies (see Trump's 2016 rally in which he called for supporters to beat up a heckler), etc. 

 As fascist leaders know, crowds need to feel abused, victimized, mistreated by the system. Establish this victimized group as true patriots. Promises of simple solutions for complex problems are a staple of fascists. Jobs. Jobs. Jobs. Promise them a great economy. Fascism 101- there must be a scapegoat for these problems: for the Nazis, it was Jews and outliers; for Italians in the last century, it was wealthy elites; for the Christian Right, it is Muslims, Democrats, and immigrants....pick a group or groups and rally the crowds against them. 

STEP ONE continues constantly. Repeat STEP ONE AT ALL TIMES.  Large rallies are held to pump up the crowds, highlight their victimization, channel their frustration at the interlopers and traitors, encourage violence against traitors/others/political enemies, and promise a better future for an exclusive members-only base who all will get the jobs they deserve. Be sure to decry the state of the state and blame every bad decision on your predecessor or on the scapegoats. Make frequent use of US-THEM statements. "They are against us. They don't want us to succeed. They are responsible for every woe." Calls to violence stir giggles and laughs and "amens" among the crowd. After all, dehumanizing the "enemy" (your own compatriots, your own brothers and sisters) starts with gleefully contemplating violence against THEM, the "other". 
 
In this creation of a fascist state, dependent on a benevolent (though narcissistic, even solipsistic) leader, all rhetoric is permissible. Lies, "alternate facts", untruths, half-truths, deceptions, and full-on propaganda are acceptable. In this worldview, the ends justify the means. Manipulation is always justifiable. Gas lighting the masses is the only solution. See Trump's weather map snafu (Sept 2019).
Right out of the fascist leader's handbook is the rule to NEVER, ever, ever admit you were wrong or made an error, EVER. If caught in an error, rewrite events, hold a press conference, and try to prove that the "biased media" was wrong. 

In a totalitarian state, the great leader never misspeaks. If he says that the National Weather Service says that Hurricane Dorian would impact Alabama, even though they never did, then by golly, here's this weather map graphic from last week which shows the trajectory of the storm and look! Added there, obviously drawn onto the graphic with a sharpie, after the fact, is a semi circle expanding the NWS forecast map, to include Alabama. Sharpie-Gate, as this preposterous scandal became known, would have been laughable if weren't for the fact that this leader continually tries to gaslight America. Ah, Gaslighting 101. Straight from the instructor's manual. If caught in your own web of lies and inconsistencies, deny it and turn it back on your doubter. Rewrite history to show you are unerring. The glorious leader is not crazy. You are crazy for doubting the great leader. 
 
A hypocritical, different set of rules applies to the great leader. He is above the law. He is the law. He is above the truth. He is the truth. He is a god. He is the second coming. He is the chosen one. (Cue the angelic host). Unethical, illegal actions for which any average American would go to jail don't count or never happened. Stories of illegal/unethical actions are "fake news" made up by a biased media.

Dissenters or even insiders who question are disloyal losers. Those inside the inner circle must show absolute loyalty at all times, never questioning the rationality of the great leader. To even hint at questioning the wisdom or efficacy of the leader or his ideas is the ultimate betrayal! He will use the public forum to shame you, to abuse you, to discredit you. How dare you ask a legitimate question about anything the great leader decides? Fascist leaders label any dissenter or any questions as unpatriotic betrayal. 

STEP FOUR:  control the media. Create your propaganda machine to rewrite actual historical events. The Trump administration has literally re-written one particular incident now (2019) as "fake news". They say that Trump did not ask his followers to beat anyone up or "take them out on a stretcher"...the liberal media made up that story. And now, the propagandists (Fox News) point to a new app which supposedly can make it look like someone says one thing in a video, though they never actually said it. This is yet another "proof" that the liberal media just lie. 
 
Fascism 101: you must control the media. Those you can't control, you must label as unpatriotic, unAmerican, liars, illegitimate, unethical, corrupt, fake news. All propaganda must be slanted toward discrediting any questioners, any doubters, any dissenters. If they accuse the great leader of unethical behavior, he must accuse THEM of unethical treatment. If the media catches him in a lie or contradictory statement, he accuses them of lying and making up the contradictions. Like Hitler's use of large crowds for propaganda films to convince all German citizens to join his party, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named insisted that his inaugural crowd was the largest in the history of the nation, ever. Hyperbole is a tool of manipulation of this particular egomaniac. Everything he does is the biggest and best and most expensive and most fantastic. To admit anything less than the biggest or best is to belittle his identity. Real-life photos of the less than record-setting crowd were immediately and vociferously rejected as "fake news", a belief which many of my own family members hold to this day. 

If you point out the fallacy of this hyperbolic claim, they immediately accuse you of believing the "fake news" and biased against the great leader. To deny that the weather was less than perfect, as we watched it begin to rain on the crowd and the umbrellas to go up during the inauguration, is a lie manufactured by the liberal, biased media. Oh no, the leader only had PERFECT weather for his inauguration. This denial of actual, factual reality is beyond ludicrous. Day one was the first of many gaslighting episodes: The victim of gaslighting is lead to distrust their own wisdom, their own senses, the facts before their eyes. Only the leader is right, even if he contradicts himself over and over again. You did not see what you saw with your own eyes. You saw wrong. Period. 

In this New World Order, citizens and especially Christians must obey without question. Do not exercise critical thought. Even the term "critical thought" is suspect. It's dangerous. It's a slippery slope to doubt and apostasy. And do not question the amoral leader. He is God's chosen. After all, he let Christian leaders pray for him once. In his great wisdom, he unilaterally decided to move the US embassy to Jerusalem, promising to spend millions of taxpayer dollars. As all good autocrats and dictators do, he simply handed down his judgment, to be obeyed without question, and with an expectation of applause for his great beneficence. He must be a Zionist, and thus a Christian, which by default makes him a great patriot and a great American. 
 
Speaking of New World Order, the Christian Right have heard rumors of this dangerous, secretive system for decades now. Rumor has it that this secret network wants to overthrow America and make us subject to and accountable to the rest of the world. As Americans, who are above all laws, except those we make ourselves, this is untenable. But what the "Christian right" doesn't know is that the very network, which they fear so greatly, is the one pulling their strings. Rumors and even IRS-verified facts about The Family or The Fellowship, formerly the ICL, are true. The Family is responsible for backing Trump as "God's chosen man" and foisting him on an unsuspecting right wing. Only a few years ago, right wing Christians were terrified of such a spider's web of control and the power they might wield over American policy. But The Family has existed for decades in secret, hand selecting politicians and men of power, the world's elite. I'm sure many or most who have joined this secretive organization (though they claim not to be an organization), this fellowship, over the years were innocent people who genuinely wanted to positively impact the world. But you have to question any organization, er...fellowship, which works in secret and uses manipulation to achieve its goals. In this atmosphere, secret, back room deals among power brokers, whether illegal or unethical, are the norm. When do the ends justify the means? Manipulation is not acceptable. Using the National Prayer Breakfast, The Family provides an avenue for back room power deals to be brokered. What God-fearing Christian Right folks don't know is that The Family, a secretive, manipulating "Christian fellowship", is the New World Order which they fear. See The Family on Netflix (2019) and Jeff Sharlet's book: The Family: the secret fundamentalism at the heart of American power ( ). 

Fascism cannot win over or convince decent, thinking citizens without the all powerful propagandists. As part of the propaganda strategy, lies are prevalent. Lies have become the norm. Any challenge to the unquestioned authority or veracity of the speaker of lies, the perpetrator of lies, is just "fake news". In this mentality, lies only come from the Left-Wing media. In an era of "alternate facts", truth is no longer objective. The latest White House administration will have much to answer for in future generations for the flat-out lies they touted as truth. I see Sarah Huckabee Sanders finally stepped down. How she can live with the lies she peddled over and over again....how she can even look herself in the mirror without shuddering, knowing she sacrificed ALL of her morals, all of her convictions to prop up a mad man, day in and day out, I don't understand. I believe she had a conscience at one time. But as all great fascists believe, if you repeat a lie enough as truth, it will be true. 

As Rick Steve’s points out in his documentary, “Duce, Duce, Duce, Duce, Duce"- Mussolini was the first to use this technique of repetition to subdue the crowd, to get them to believe the bald-faced lie. I do not mention Kellyanne Conway in the same way as SHS. This woman has shown that she has few morals or scruples. She is the chief liar, the twister of truth, the author of "alternate facts". What conscience could she possibly have? She slammed He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named as a degenerate and immoral pig until he bought her loyalty. She sold her soul to the devil and continues to peddle her newspeak to the masses without a cringe in her twisted, blackened soul. But I still have hope that even she will wake up from this nightmare. 
 
As comedian Steven Colbert quips, we are inundated with "truthiness", in which truth has nothing to do with facts. We are in a Post-Truth era.  https://youtu.be/Ck0yqUoBY7M

 Truth is whatever you want it to be. This kind of approach to truth as being whatever you want it to be was completely anathema to these same right-wing "Christians" just a couple of years ago. They railed against moral relativism or relative truth. There were absolute truths. Truth was not subjective. It was objective. To say that truth is whatever I want it to be was heresy. But the great leader can make his truth whatever he wants. Truth has nothing to do with facts. After all, he is God's chosen man. His made-up "reality" must be truth, because he thinks it is truth. And everything he says is truth. Like all great fascist leaders, truth is whatever you say is truth and no one can question their god, er...idol....I mean, leader. 
 
Before 2016, idolatry was rejected by the Christian church. Yet, the idolatry of the fascist leader is unbridled. Excuses are made for his bad behavior. Jesus said you can't get good fruit from a rotten tree, that we would know who was good by their fruit, by their own words, by their lives, by their character. Yet American evangelicals blindly ignore any rottenness in their great leader. They blame his crude words, his bad behavior, his immoral actions on a liberal media which is intent on tarnishing his image. It’s THEIR FAULT for reporting the truth!  How dare they report actual facts???  He is not guilty. He is not held accountable for his words or actions.  In fact, those couldn’t possibly be real facts, because that doesn’t support what I WANT to believe.  So, it’s fake news because I don’t want to believe in the truth.  The truth is only what I want it to be. 

 How hypocritical! In the 1990s, when Bill Clinton, a Democrat, ran for office, the right wing was outraged over rumors of "bad character", immorality, deception and fraud. "Character and integrity matter," they chanted. Poor personal integrity will infect the White House! The Moral Majority had been formed to prevent such ‘immoral characters’ from infiltrating the White House. Yet how quickly they abandoned their morals for an amoral, narcissistic, despotic candidate who tickled their itching ears and promised to fill their pockets. 

I guess the Moral Majority could be bought. Sacred principles were easily dropped in exchange for promises of wealth and prosperity. Character and integrity became meaningless in light of the promises of great riches for America. All immorality was forgiven in their leader as long he promised good paying jobs. 

Like all great fascist leaders, He-Who-Must-Not Be-Named thrives on crowd worship and sycophantism. He demands gratitude. And if the crowds don't gush with thanks and worship for every common act of basic decency, he throws a tantrum and remarks on their ingratitude to him, because he did something "nice". He always points out that he "didn't have to be nice" (though any child would know that "niceness" isn't done just to get thanks or praise, it's done because it's just the right thing to do). No, he didn't have to be "nice", so they should have praised him more for his "niceness". 
 
I can see it now. "Good boy! Who's a good boy? Who did something nice? Yay! You are such a big boy for doing the right thing, the common decency thing! You are the BEST! No one is nicer than you. No one is better! Praise you! You are better than God. In fact, you are like the second coming of God. And anyone who tells you differently or doesn't thank you profusely and immediately for doing something which the rest of us do continually without thanks or praise (try being a mom) is an ungrateful two-by-four and a loser. Because YOU deserve all praise for everything you think or do." Oh yes, sycophantry is expected and demanded! 

Any dissent is disloyal to the leader, who is always right. Questions are disloyal. Disloyalty will not be rewarded. To question him is to question America, to betray America. To mock him is to mock America. He is America. America does not exist outside of him. "In Trump we trust" reveals the sickening, grotesque idolatry. Trump is God. God does not make mistakes. God is a genius. God only has fantastic ideas.
How can this level of idolatry happen? How could good people go along with fascism in Italy in the 1920s and 1930s? In Nazi Germany? How could decent folk be a part of something so heinous? How could they call themselves Christians and participate in the extermination of Jews, the vulnerable, gays, gypsies, blacks? 

Good people, wanting to believe in an earthly national savior, deceive themselves willingly. This is how fascism rose to power in Nazi Germany and in Italy and in Spain in the 1930s. This is how good people tolerated evil. All good fascist leaders know that as long as most people are fed and have jobs, you can pacify the masses. There is no revolution when people are well-fed and satiated. Poor, desperate people will riot and revolt, but promise a select group of people jobs, and they will follow this messiah anywhere and do anything. The masses can be bought. They will sell their souls for a piece of bread and a charismatic promise for a future of wealth and comfort. 

As witnessed in August 2019, which feels like a lifetime ago,  in the absurd offer to Denmark to purchase Greenland (a measure which my brother-in-law defended as a normal idea...after all, we bought the Louisiana purchase and Alaska), all good fascists believe in expansion of the empire through whatever means possible. Expansion through soft methods first (attempt to purchase), but by force if necessary or if you don't get what you want. Let's not forget the expansion of Star Force, as promised earlier this year. And when the Prime Minister of Denmark politely refused this "absurd" offer, like all true despots, Trump's response was petulant and childish. Because to refuse him is to refuse America. To rebuff him is to rebuff America. Um....reality check! NO, it's not! The president of the USA is NOT America! You work FOR the people. And most people --intelligent people who don't drink the Kool-Aid of your idolatry-- thought your idea was ludicrous, ya big moron! Sorry...that was uncouth, ungracious, and snide on my part. 
 
So what do we do with a “conservative Christian” political machine which insists on “proving” a literal Bible, and propagating a narrow culture as defined more by their national identity than anything Jesus said or did?  If Jesus were in front of them today, they would not recognize him as their messiah.  They would shun him as a new age, Eastern mystic with all his talk about loving people, including their enemies!  The mind-boggling thing about this American Christian identity is that it is baseless, unscientific, narrow minded, exclusionary, and frankly, stubbornly and willfully ignorant!  I understand the frustration with the so-called “Christian right”.  
 
Not only are Christians called to faith in the creator, but to love all of his creation. There is no love in trying to prove everyone else wrong and only Christianity as right. This is indeed pointless and faithless. God does not ask us or need us to "prove" the accuracy of the Bible or the creation story. Even God knows the limitations of the fallible, weak, inconsistent, hypocritical, chauvinistic men who wrote the books and stories of the Bible. For those who can believe a creator could literally form the universe in a word, how is it so hard to believe that he may have taken millions of years to do the same thing if he chose to? My faith allows me to believe in a God who exists outside of time. My faith allows me to believe that God could have achieved these ends in a number of ways as he desired. 6 nano seconds? 6 days? 6 billion years? Why get so hung up on the details? Why continually drive a wedge between faith and science?  Both can exist together. 
 
In my youth, I was a raging creationist, as I had been taught by Ken Hamm's radio show and my father's own faith in the Bible as unerring and literal. I say "raging" because I was mad all the time, looking for a fight, ready to prove all unbelievers wrong. I laugh now to think of poor, gentle Dr Schaefer from Blackburn College, trying to teach me physics. I would try to draw him in to arguments of faith v science. And he would always tell me, "Miss Garner, I have no conflict with faith. I believe faith and science work together." I was skeptical. Well, Doc, believe it or not, you got through to me.  Faith and science are not polar opposites.  Logic and reason are not anathema to faith. This is one of the basic tenets of the Episcopal church: faith and reason work together. 

 This constant division, this chasm between believers and non-believers; science v faith; intellectualism and reason v blind obedient, unquestioning belief in the ridiculous, Republican v Democrat, it does no good to our human condition. It only divides, makes "others", makes enemies, produces hatred and judgment on both sides. 
 
Unfortunately, these same well-meaning "Christians" believe that it is up to the Christian Right in America to push a limited worldview on all Americans (and by proxy, the world), to force everyone to believe in their version of God (the very thing they say they hate Muslims for), to force everyone to their idea of morality (excepting their own candidate, of course). 

 The 1970s and 1980s really saw a rewrite of American history by Tim LaHaye and James Dobson and others. Suddenly, America had always been intended as a "Christian" nation, chosen by God and our founders to establish a Christian theocracy on earth. The Pilgrim story gets repeated about how they were fleeing from religious persecution. They claim it is THE founding story of Christian America. Other stories of early settlers and greedy, violent men are conveniently ignored or left out of the narrative. And when the constitution was written, "freedom of religion" could ONLY mean Christianity as we know it today; a license for greed, corruption, and imperialism on a global scale, NOT freedom for all religious persons regardless of faith.... No, these liberties were secured for right-wing Christians, not for homosexuals or poor or liberals or Muslims or.... No, these freedoms were written for strong, bullying Christians, the kind who believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. These freedoms are for those who believe that America is a meritocracy, not for the vulnerable populations. 
 
These are the same proud to be an American Christian folks who send out those judgmental emails and Facebook posts and try to shame their friends and family into forwarding and reposting their bigoted, in-your-face brand of hate speech which they call "Christianity" and tell you that if you don't repost, you hate God and America. 
 
So what are we to do in this age of newspeak? How should we live in the midst of the rise of fascism in America? How do we confront such insidious evil which seems so banal (see Arendt's definition of the 'banality of evil') without losing our own souls to anger and hatred? I can't help but think of Viktor Frankl's post-WWII book, Man's Search for Meaning. Frankl was a holocaust survivor. He had survived four of the most dehumanizing concentration, labor, and death camps. He had survived the impacts of a down-and-out democratic nation willingly, blindly following a fascist leader, a savior. And yet, after the unspeakable horrors which he had suffered at the hands of his fellow humans, he was still able to find joy, hope, and grace...sweet, gentle grace for others, for his persecutors, for his fellow survivors, for outsiders who had never gone through such tragedy. He was filled with a gentleness of spirit and understanding. He chose to live graciously. 

We can learn from the Hannah Arendt's and the Viktor Frankl's and the John Steinbeck's and the George Orwell's. Steinbeck once wrote in a letter, "All the goodness and the heroisms will rise up again, then be cut down again and rise up. It isn't that the evil thing wins-- it never will-- but that it doesn't die."  Fascism is one insidious evil which wraps itself in a cloak self-righteousness and which must be overthrown over and over again.  One of the ancient proverbs (Proverbs 4:23 NIV) reminds us "Above all else, guard your heart for everything you do flows from it." And the writer to the Hebrews once wrote (Hebrews 12:15 NIV) "See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." 

 We can't control others. To do so would make us fascists. But we can guard our hearts and not let bitterness and anger twist our souls. We can speak for those with no voice, for the vulnerable among us. We can stand with the oppressed, the powerless.  We can try to appeal to our better natures. What more can we do? We can speak truth, even when it’s not popular.  Not in a self-righteous way.  No, being self-righteous only makes me feel indignant and self-important while leaving others to feel intolerant of my intolerance....

What more can we do? 
 
There's so much more I could write about how "Christian Americans" have made God in their image, not the other way around. I could write more about the idolatry of a Christian political savior. I could write about the abuses and evils of a totalitarian theocratic society, which the Christian Right seems intent on foisting on the world. I could write more about the stubborn refusal to see anything wrong in the blessed leader's behavior or words or actions, the blind obeisance of good people to despotic leaders. I could write more on bullies and how they always try to kiss up to people they fear. I could write so much more on American Exceptionalism: how all basic human rights and common decency rules and laws apply to the rest of the world, but not to us. We are exceptional. Manifest Destiny, God's Chosen. A bloody American history built on violence, genocide, and avarice. I could write of perceptions of the American patriot: how we think we are the most noble race, everything we do is righteous and good, and everyone else is ignoble, corrupt, and evil. We are nothing like the Nazis. Of course, no one wants to think that they are the bad guy. I could write about the rise of nationalism with its narrow definitions of what a true patriot looks like, thinks, says, and does, as one of the leading divisive, nation-shattering forces of the 20th and 21st centuries.  See Harry Anastasiou’s text book, The Broken Olive Branch- Nationalism, ethnic conflict, and the quest for peace in Cyprus. Volume one: The impasse of Ethnonationalism.  Anastasiou warns of the dangers of narrowly defining a “true patriot” as he saw his own country torn apart by civil war.

 I could write about this disconnect between soul and action, hypocrisy, saying we believe one thing but doing the opposite and demanding that everyone else do as we say. I could write about how "Christian America" has not only worshipped at the idol of wealth, but embraced the destruction of the planet, claiming the dominion theory as rationale for destroying the planet and other species if they get in the way of our greed, and setting a price on all things, sacred or not. How American Christian greed sold out, raped, and disemboweled the planet in the name of God. 
 
But for now, I am going to serve my little community and my nation in my own small gestures; serving at my little church, standing with the oppressed and powerless, feeding the poor, washing laundry for the homeless, by traveling to other parts of the world and listening and trying to understand other world views, and helping out friends and family who are struggling to survive with whatever abundance I have been given. I will pray as Jesus did, "Those who have ears to hear, let them hear."

Thursday, July 2, 2020

Freestyle meditation



Today, I’m reading Wendell Berry’s essays What Are People For?  And after a chat with a good friend, I’m adopting the practice of yoga again.  I’m simply exploring various spiritual practices as I reconnect with this creative and curious side of my own personality.  







I played around with creating more meditational music.  I don’t say “compose”, because this really is about freestyle playing or improvising for the fun of it, for the sheer pleasure of exploring new sounds. 


Here’s another, featuring my own arrangement of Pure Imagination from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. 


Wednesday, July 1, 2020

Serene meditation




I’ve been experimenting with creating short meditational videos.  It’s part of my own quest to explore new avenues of creativity.  And I find it healing and calming to my mind as I review nature scapes and search for more beautiful places around me.  I call this one “Waterfall Music”.  It’s my first attempt at completely improvising a serene mood on piano.  
Namaste! 



Here’s another arrangement (my own) of Audrey Assad’s version of Spirit of the Living God... It includes footage from my trek through the Highlands of Scotland.  So green.  Aaaah.